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Original poster

Is this a job for social services?

24 replies

JoJoJangles · 28/04/2022 10:30

Hi,

Nc for this, as it's very delicate.

Dd has a friend at school, whose mum quite clearly has some MH issues. I've only met her once, but could see she was struggling. Her dc is very mature and from the sounds of it, has pretty much brought herself up. She clearly didn't want me to meet her and seemed very embarrassed when I did.

Anyway, dd told me the other day that this girls mum is actually in the sex trade and she has clients over to the house. The mum has even shown her....props that she uses. Very disturbing.

The girl is 14/15. She's clearly used to her mums erratic behaviour, but this is on another level surely.

Do I inform the school? Social services? I'm really not sure. Is it just massively inappropriate or is there more of a safe guarding issue? Even if the girl isn't at direct physical risk, I really worry about how she's dealing with this mentally. I don't know her that well, but she seems very grown up, head strong and already has a career planned out and basically, an escape plan. She will leave as soon as she can. It's just so sad.

Any advice very much appreciated.

TIA

OP posts:
Squiff70 · 28/04/2022 10:42

Personally I'd tell the school and find out what, if anything, they can do to support this child. If nothing, I'd definitely take it to SS. Something is badly wrong here and this needs checking out by relevant authorities to ensure the child is protected and the mother gets support if appropriate also.

Original poster
JoJoJangles · 28/04/2022 10:53

@Squiff70 yes, I think I'll contact the school. I don't think that can do any harm, can it?

OP posts:
Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 28/04/2022 10:56

Yes it is. Any concern you have is a job is for SS as they are ones who are trained to decide if they need to investigate or not, also one piece of information you have may help to inform the larger jigsaw.

School will only accept information they won’t be able to help you anything about trh support they will chose to offer.

Jellycatspyjamas · 28/04/2022 10:57

It’s one for social services, there are all kinds of risks involved in having a client at the home where her daughter lives even if her daughter isn’t there at the time.

Tabitha888 · 28/04/2022 10:59

Yes please contact SS. The risk to her and her daughter are so scary!

DogsAndGin · 28/04/2022 11:01

You can’t discuss another child’s family with the school - for gdpr reasons they won’t be able to talk to you at all. All you can do is inform them, and social services, of your concerns.

It is clear to me that the child is neglected as she has ‘brought herself up,’ and very vulnerable to abuse as she is coming into contact with her mother’s abusers clients.

Original poster
JoJoJangles · 28/04/2022 11:01

Can I do that anonymously?

OP posts:
Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 28/04/2022 11:14

JoJoJangles · 28/04/2022 11:01

Can I do that anonymously?

Yes, but often they would prefer you don’t in case they want to contact you again to clarify. But you can choose to be anonymous.

Stompythedinosaur · 28/04/2022 11:27

Yes, I'd report this. Having clients to the house is posing a safeguarding risk to this girl.

ApolloandDaphne · 28/04/2022 11:32

The NSPCC are good for reporting things like this through. You can do it anonymously although adding a phone number in case SS want more information can be invaluable. I was a SW and we had a number of referrals through them.

Dinoteeth · 28/04/2022 11:39

I'm going to take a slightly different view, I think supporting the DD make sure she knows she can come to you for help call you if she needs too.

If SS were to get involved what are they likely to do, tell the mother to stop bringing clients back, that puts the mum in more danger or take the DD into care, is that really going to help the girl at this stage?

clpsmum · 28/04/2022 12:01

Please contact social services. If this mother is having strangers in her house paying for services her daughter is most definitely at risk

PandemelonFelon · 28/04/2022 12:12

Yes - it is absolutely a safeguarding issue and social services will take it seriously.

I was the adult being taken to a house with a young child in; I have mental health issues - social services did a child safeguarding assessment based on the fact I had been taken there by the child's parents (it's a little more complicated than this but that's the jist).

LethargeMarg · 28/04/2022 12:27

Dinoteeth · 28/04/2022 11:39

I'm going to take a slightly different view, I think supporting the DD make sure she knows she can come to you for help call you if she needs too.

If SS were to get involved what are they likely to do, tell the mother to stop bringing clients back, that puts the mum in more danger or take the DD into care, is that really going to help the girl at this stage?

What are social services going to do? Safeguard the child and that is the priority here. It's very unlikely a 14 yo will be taken into care. They need to ensure the mother is managing her mental health and assess the risks to the child.
Op refer anonymously to social services today . It's always better they get first hand information rather than risk or getting lost or diluted at school . It's likely the family are already known to social services is mum is obviously struggling and a sex worker so you may be adding to a picture but you can't rely on that .

Original poster
JoJoJangles · 28/04/2022 12:39

I'm genuinely worried about making it worse for the girl. What if ss go in, assess as everything generally OK, but then the mum takes it out on her daughter, because she knows she's been telling her friends. She apparently has a tendency to just shout and scream and then lock herself away in her room for days at a time, which her daughter is normally glad of apparently.

What if all that happens is it just makes this girls life a bit more shit ☹

OP posts:
Squiff70 · 28/04/2022 12:53

I understand your concerns. It's a risk which needs to be taken unfortunately. This child doesn't have a say in what her mum does, but by having strangers coming and going from their home - which should be the safest place in the world - is putting the child at huge risk. If nothing is said for fear of the mother resenting the child, what might happen if one of her mother's 'clients' want to be involved with the daughter in some way? It's incredibly sinister and the girl might be waiting and hoping for somebody to intervene to try and help her and probably her mum too.

The decision is yours of course, but if you don't speak out, your conscience will be continually asking "what if...".

Please do the right thing.

ButtockUp · 28/04/2022 16:18

I'm probably catastrophising ( not sure that's a word) but what, in some nearish future mum gets really desperate for money and encourages her daughter to perform similarly?
This set up is almost normalising sex work , particularly as mum has shown off her sex toys.

I'd report.

PandemelonFelon · 28/04/2022 16:23

I'm probably catastrophising ( not sure that's a word) but what, in some nearish future mum gets really desperate for money and encourages her daughter to perform similarly?

Women who do sex work can still be exceptional mothers. That said they usually don't take their customers to their home with a child in it.

ButtockUp · 28/04/2022 17:29

Yes @PandemelonFelon I agree with you, but there is still a risk of the child being subjected to criminally inappropriate situations.

Sitting back and thinking 'well the mum seems like a good mum' is not an angle to take.

What if?

PandemelonFelon · 28/04/2022 17:35

Sorry if I jumped the gun there then @ButtockUp - it does definitely need reporting just from the potential for random and unknown men to be visiting.

pilates · 28/04/2022 17:50

Definitely yes, how sad 😞

Squiff70 · 28/04/2022 17:55

A "good mum" does not show her child 'props' used for sex.

Herja · 28/04/2022 18:01

I've known a few working girls. One was gang raped on her own doorstep. The others all have nasty stories to tell about beatings and assaults. Street work is more dangerous for the woman, but this set up is much more dangerous for the daughter.

This isn't high class escorting. This is a mentally ill woman bringing dodgy creeps to her family home. These types of clients (the sort fucking an obviously mentally ill woman) are not the sort of people you want anywhere near teenage girls. Exposing her daughter to her sex props is also awful.

School will report to SS anyway, so you might as well do it yourself. Reporting obvious concerns to SS is not a bad thing to do, you shouldn't feel guilty about it.

FatFart · 28/04/2022 18:07

no judgement on the mums profession but when it crosses the line into the home it not acceptable
women can groom children too
Report it

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