How to deal with DM and her annoying comments with baby

[doodlebups]

Just looking for some advice on how to deal with my annoying mum who every time I see feels the need to tell me that I should be feeding my baby rather than letting him do it himself. 'Aww i think mammy should be feeding him' or 'I just think you should be giving it to him' and similar stupid comments. It's not really the food I'm giving him that she is comparing about, it's the way he's eating it 😤 it's seriously getting my back up. He is not really eating anything still (will be 7 months on monday) but he plays about with the food and always puts to straight in his mouth and when I pre load a spoon for him he reaches out to grab it straight off me, so I just can't understand her stupid comments. Yesterday I feel like was the final straw and I snapped at her and told her to stop keep saying that. I know the grandparent video on youtube can be helpful but from what I watched it was more for grandparents who thing babies should have all pureed food. She asked me the other day if he could eat a milky bar mousse yoghurt 🥴 it's got me very worried because when I go back to work end of august it's been arranged that she will look after him for 2 full days so I want all this nipped in the bud and sorted for then.

While I can see that her constantly saying it would be annoying, it's probably not worth worrying about. My dad never got his head round letting the baby feed herself, it just wasn't something he could deal with so he fed her and they muddled along happily enough.

Also, grandparents ask if they can feed them things you think are ridiculous constantly. You'll just have to pick your battles.

Also forgot to add in my post, so yesterday he was having toast while she was here and he gagged which obviously is totally normal and I've told her before but she then rushed over started patting him on the back. It's got me so uncomfortable and on edge to give him food when they are around.

Our parents had/have a different way of parenting and they just can't wrap their heads around the fact that things have changed. My mom use to take baby out of his car seat if he's crying so I told her off and she said "oh please none of you ever had any car seats I just toted you around on my knee".

They're were countless other things like her wanting me to give baby solids at 4 months LOL etc etc. I was just patient with her and most of the times I just ignored all her wonderful suggestions.

Up until today she still doesn't understand why you can't take a baby out of car seat in a moving vehicle :/

He’ll be fine with her. You survived, didn’t you? Fashions in childcare (safety issues like batshit attitudes to car seats aside) are exactly that - fashions. Babies have been cared for in a multitude of different ways for centuries.

Wow! You're super sensitive, aren't you? Just let her get on with it! You survived, so will he! And there's nothing wrong with milky bar mousse.

And we were always advised to start babies on solids at 4 months. You're not dead, are you?

I recently did a first aid course where the instructor complained about his daughter doing baby led weaning and choking in young babies.
I think you are going to have to pick your battles.

Yes these things can be a bit annoying, but really it's just a small thing that you should just let go. You survived and your mum is probably a wealth of knowledge. Plus she sounds fab if she's providing free childcare. Don't risk that by getting upset at every little thing she does differently to you.

Wow! Your an older mum who weaned her child
at 4 months and spoon fed them purées, aren't you? Times have changed. You need to get your head round that rather coming on here being smarmy.

I'm not super sensitive at all, thank you. I'm just a first time mum trying to navigate everything.

I mean, I mixed fed my DS aged 3 so he did get food spoon fed (as well as finger foods) and he eats absolutely fine!

i know it’s irritating when people have views on absolutely everything (my FIL is a bloody nightmare with sugary snacks - tried to give him a massive full chocolate muffin on the back of a pack of smarties at the weekend!) but I think you need to pick your battles. Particularly if it’s about baby’s safety, which this is not.

Times have changed

But babies haven’t. He’ll be fine.

You have some very unhelpful comments above. I think it’s a tricky one and it’s helpful to recognise your mums intentions are to be helpful, before trying to respond. Can you say you understand she did things the way she did raising you, but there’s more evidence/research now about what is good for babies and you’re just trying to follow that and would really appreciate it if she could do the same (and link her to something easy to follow about this).
Though also it will be fine if baby is spoon fed some times- and by august baby will also have changed a lot and likely will self feed more!

OP - wow - you're a FTM but seem to know everything?!Your mum is trying to help - no point in snapping her head off especially if you're going to get free child care from her.

Since 1845? Cuz its not 4 months now! I personally wouldn't feed my baby solids at 4 months.Yes I survived but doesn't make it safe.

You were advised to wean at 4 months because baby food companies wanted to make money. Now we have evidence based medical advice to wean at 6 months. I know which I'd rather follow.

Different generations are always going to have different opinions. In the 80s it was the done thing to put baby to sleep on their tummy until the SIDS research in the early 90s. Now the standard is baby on their back. Many lives have been saved.

I think with this, it's best to say to your mother. "this is how I'm choosing to raise my child and I'd appreciate your support in that" You are the baby's parent, they are yours.

You will realise, hopefully before it becomes a wedge that it is almost positively coming from a good place.

Saying this with nothing but kindness - you do have a choice about how you react to minor irritations. This baby of yours probably means the world to your mum. Rather than falling out, have a kind conversation, talk to her. She is your mum.

I'm just a first time mum trying to navigate everything.

So was your mum at one time. I will never forget the telling off a health visitor gave me many years ago because I hadn't yet fed my 3 month old baby egg! So much advice has changed since then and you need to make sure she understands the important things like car seats being non-negotiable.

She is going to be providing free childcare so you're going to have to pick your battles.

The discussion around early weaning isn’t around whether the children will die from it; of course they won’t. There are suggestions that the gut will develop differently after early weaning causing issues much much later, so weaning at 6 months is the better choice until more evidence resolves the question one way or another.