Please help me list what o need to take.

[BlitheringBlathers]

I don't know if many people will be on at this time but if anyone is on who can help me gather my thoughts, I would appreciate it.
I'm currently in an emotionally abusive relationship with a very controlling man, I've been trying for a very long time to build myself up to having the courage to leave but I guess I'm a weak person and have never gotten to that stage.

However tonight (without going into too many details) things have come to a head. After coming home drunk he has acted more irrationally than I've ever seen him, ranting at me and getting angrier and I actually felt physically scared of him.

He has told me I have to leave in the morning with our son and TBH I'm just going to go ahead and do it as I can't live like this anymore.

The problem is I moved across the country to be with him and have nowhere within a 5 hours drive to go so I want to be prepared and take everything I need as I won't be coming back here. I can't think straight, he's been ranting at me over and over and my mind is so boggled right now. All I can think of is clothes, phone, purse and toothbrushes. I don't know where he keeps our passports so I will have to leave without those.

I'm so sorry my post I a rambling mess, hopefully you can make sense of it.

Well done. This is a huge step.

It's scary now, but this time next year you will look back and realise what a shit situation you were in, and how amazing that you got out.

Having been where you are I would advise taking all documents, passport, birth certificates etc, photos, and anything of sentimental value. Absolutely everything else can be replaced.

Good luck op, you are so close to being free from his abuse, although I'm an Internet stranger I'm immensely proud of you

You can do this. It’s hard but worth it. Will he be up in the morning? Can you leave before he wakes?
A few clothes for each of you. As much money as you can find. Debit/credit cards. Bank statements. Close any joint accounts asap.Anything you really don’t want to be without, jewellery, books etc most things can be replaced from charity shops/eBay.
Just make sure you and ds are safe. 💐

Thank for the response! It means so much to hear that ❤️
I am terrified and can't stop shaking tbh but also feel more sure of my mind than I've felt in a long time.

I hadn't thought about his birth certificate I will add that to the list on my phone, as well as anything sentimental I can fit into a suitcase.
Thinking it through I will have to try and fit as much into one suitcase and a backpack as I can as I won't have my family pick me up at the house, he is liable to be abusive to them and I don't want to put them through it.

I think I'm going pack up and take my son to a supermarket cafe with whatever I can manage and wait there for our lift.

Thank you for your response too Gilead ❤️
He will be there in the morning, he's always here with me so I will have to just get on with it. I'm thinking I should drop my son off at school in the morning and then come back to pack so he doesn't have to witness any upset. Then I can pick him up early from school and take a taxi straight to our meeting point.

He keeps the cash in a safe in the loft and I won't be able to get up there but I have my own debit card and a few £ in my purse to tide me over for now.

I'm in my sons bed but I can hear him still ranting loudly to himself on the other room. I've known for such a long time that it wasn't right, I'm so stupid for letting it carry on so long.

All the legal documents you can get your hands on: birth certicates, bank papers w/ account no., do you own the house together?, etc
Take your jewellery. Any expensive tech gadgets like laptops and the like. Don't worry about too much about clothes for you. Clothes can easily be replaced and it isn't easy travelling with a kid. Pack the special toys instead.
It seems to me you're in danger. Take what you can and leave with your child. Do not take your kid to school and then go back alone. You're at risk.
Take a deep breath now. How at risk is your life? You've got access to a laptop... Maybe you can email your nearest police station and ask for their assistance for tomorrow? Maybe they can meet you in the morning just to help you leave the house safely and maybe even wait while you go the safe?
You can also ask for the phone number of a charity that helps victims of domestic abuse where you are. I'm sure they can find a volunter to pick you, escort you out and help you carry your luggage.
Best of luck to you. Leaving is hard but staying is harder. You've made your decision, stick with it. Nobody should go to bed worrying about another person in the house being violent or doing sth nasty to them.

He keeps cash in a safe in the loft? That sounds very controlling.
I would strongly suggest you don’t go back to the house unaccompanied, women are most at risk when trying to leave. Either do as pp suggests and contact the police or leave when ready for school so he doesn’t suspect.

Call the police!!! Get help from anyone and everyone, the more people you get involved the better. If you have an army in the house he can't do anything to you.
Find organisations that can help you.
Don't take your son to school, you're only creating more stress for both of you.
If I were you look for a room to rent, it's more affordable and your details won't show anywhere and it's a faster process.
Stay there until you can find a more permanent place.
But if you involved the police it won't look like you took his child from him.
They might even restrict access to the house for him.
Don't be worried of what people might say and don't be embarrassed.
Be strong!

I’d have been tempted to quietly pack in the early hours and get out asap while he was still asleep.
phone ds in sick to school (this can be dealt with later) and go and wait for your lift.
stay safe, please whatever you do avoid being in the house alone with him.

Morning everyone, I'm so sorry I fell asleep with my phone in my hand last night but you've helped me to get things straight in my head, so thank you.

He has been acting like nothing happened this morning and has even made me a cup of coffee no acknowledgement of any of it. I'm not thinking that as he's acting normally it might be best to hold on till the weekend so it won't be such a rush out of the door and my BIL will be able to come up to help me.

Im so upset with myself that it's happening this way, if I'd been braver there were plenty of opportunities I could've left before now.

This list from women’s aid
What to pack if you are planning to leave your partner
Ideally, you need to take all the following items with you if you leave. Some of these items you can try to keep with you at all times; others you may be able to pack in your “emergency bag”.

• Some form of identification


• Birth certificates for you and your children.


• Passports (including passports for all your children), visas and work permits.


• Money, bankbooks, cheque book and credit and debit cards.


• Keys for house, car, and place of work. (You could get an extra set of keys cut, and put them in your emergency bag.)


• Cards for payment of Child Benefit and any other welfare benefits you are entitled to.


• Driving licence (if you have one) and car registration documents, if applicable.


• Prescribed medication.


• Copies of documents relating to your housing tenure (for example, mortgage details or lease and rental agreements).


• Insurance documents, including national insurance number.


• Address book.


• Family photographs, your diary, jewellery, small items of sentimental value.


• Clothing and toiletries for you and your children.


• Your children’s favourite small toys.


• You should also take any documentation relating to the abuse – e.g. police reports, court orders such as injunctions and restraining orders, and copies of medical records if you have them.

Don’t be upset or angry with yourself, it took me 23 years to go!