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The Village Mafia !

21 replies

Birdy78 · 28/04/2022 00:09

Last year my closest friend moved back home to Ireland and sadly my other friend died suddenly. I miss them terribly. To try and make some new friends I looked at local groups I could join, including a few community groups that meet at our library. Unfortunately it didn’t work out well at all as I discovered that the same small group of women are involved in ALL the groups I went to and are a right bunch of cliquey miserable old bags. The majority of them are retired teachers, all comfortably off and conservative with a capital C who make no effort to welcome anyone new and actively discourage anyone from going that they don’t feel is up to their standards. One of them actually told me that if they don’t feel your face fits when you enquire about joining the local reading group they pretend it’s over subscribed when it isn’t. It really annoys me because I don’t think it’s actually fair that they’re using community facilities to run what are basically their own private little clubs. Why the hell they just don’t meet in their own homes is beyond me. I know there are lots of lovely retired teachers out there but in my village we’ve got a real nasty wasp’s nest full of condescending toe rags who bore you to death about their French holiday homes. It seems I’m fated to keep running into them at every turn. Any suggestions from you wise women out there on how to meet normal human beings without having to sell up and move ?

OP posts:
MardyOldGoth · 28/04/2022 04:01

Have you looked on meetup.com? There might be a few saner groups on there.

LemonDrizzleSlice · 28/04/2022 04:09

You seem nice.

SmugOldBag · 28/04/2022 04:24

It might be an idea to start your own group. If you have a local Facebook group maybe put on post on there to gauge interest in eg a book club
If I were you I'd wheedle out out the cliquey types by suggesting meeting in a pub, after work hours and suggesting you can do it with wine and nibbles which should attract a younger crowd. Great way to meet new likeminded friends too

Suggest a walking group on Facebook?

If you've got small kids maybe ask if others want to meet at a playground or a walk?

Running and exercise groups were my lifeline in a small village.

SmugOldBag · 28/04/2022 04:28

Ignore lemon drizzle. I know exactly the type you mean and they are obnoxious.
You are right to be cross.

Georgeskitchen · 28/04/2022 04:50

Yes I know the type you mean. Sanctimonious busibodies often found lurking in churches as well!!

Feckingfeck · 28/04/2022 05:11

Sorry OP 😔

But it's a big step to try and put yourself out there so try not to be discouraged.

Have you tried looking further a field? These vipers are often scared of unfamiliar terrain 😉

You could also try a really niche hobby? Surely not all of the would do it?

Good luck 👍🏻 ☘️

Paragon86 · 28/04/2022 06:31

They are a type and they are everywhere OP. You need to dilute your exposure by branching out to other nearby communities for your hobbies and interests. A lot will still have a coven of these types but you will encounter different ones at different groups and that somehow makes it easier to bear.

You may also find groups of completely nice people, but that is a bonus.

hellcatspanglelalala · 28/04/2022 07:45

We have them in our local village...in fact I'm wondering if you live in the same place 😂 do some of them do bell ringing as well?!

Things I have done that have worked out...
Volunteering. I've met several people that have become close friends (I volunteer for a national charity but there might be more local ones)
Walking group - this attracts people from surrounding areas so you're not limited to people in the village.

What hobbies do you enjoy? Anything that can be done as a group? Are you single or have a partner?

Birdy78 · 28/04/2022 09:24

Thank you so much for all your good advice, that’s really been helpful 🌹 Even LemonDrizzleSlice - unfortunately my fan club is full at the moment but I’ll let you know when we have a space 😁

OP posts:
Spudlet · 28/04/2022 09:42

We have a younger version of those in our village and she is toxic as fuck… has a real vendetta against the village school and hates anyone associated with it (for example, members of the Friends, of which I’m a member). She lies about the school and any events that are being put on by us, and spreads nasty, untrue gossip. She’s a real queen bee type, no idea what her problem is but it’s just weird. She has her little clique and her little groups too, and yep, she’s very churchy as well… best to steer clear of these types, and try to branch out a bit. There are plenty of us in the village who see right through her shenanigans, so I’m sure there will be sane people in your village too!

Birdy78 · 28/04/2022 10:07

I suppose I just thought that in a village people would be friendlier. After years in London where if you say hello to people in the lift they totally blank you despite living in the same apartment block for years, I expected more Midsomer Murders vibes, everyone waving as you weave about on your bike, and pressing home made rice pudding on you. Not literally of course ! But on reflection the clue is in the title 😂 Villages are full of people you feel like murdering.
Am steering clear of the bellringers as I’m afraid of heights so don’t know if they’ve infiltrated that bunch as well.
My best friend moved home to Ireland precisely because she found people here so unfriendly. Back home everyone talks to everyone else and you welcome the stranger.

OP posts:
upinaballoon · 28/04/2022 10:24

Sometimes the stranger has moved into a new house which cannot be afforded by a local person and is built in an estate which has just obliterated a field in a village which was once truly countrified and is now becoming citified.

Some bellringers are nice types. No-one has to go anywhere high to meet a bellringer.

Some people move into villages and then spend the next 20 years being snide and snobby about the local-born country folk, who are all regarded as thickos because they like living near the land.

I have lived a long time in a village which is being destroyed. I know a fair number of middle class moved-in-uns who are just a bit too grand to know me.

SmugOldBag · 28/04/2022 11:29

@upinaballoon well the OP is none of those things having said that she is the one that is being judged for not being grand enough despite trying to become part of her community

Your post has no relevance to this thread but does indicate the chip on your shoulder needs a polish.

Birdy78 · 28/04/2022 13:18

@SmugOldBag You’re a star ⭐️ ⭐️⭐️

OP posts:
hoorayandupsherises · 28/04/2022 13:24

My village is very us (local) and them (incomers - me included). I do activities in the nearest town mainly, but the rambling groups and some of the yoga and Pilates groups are more acepting. Have tried any sports things? Park run? National Trust volunteering?

Beamur · 28/04/2022 13:24

Villages can be awesome or dreadful..my village is great but there's a bit of a us and them between the old guard and the newbies. Generally fairly good humoured but rocketing house prices aren't helping. Rentals are unaffordable.
Look out other groups or start your own. There's a very successful book group locally started by someone just asking on Facebook if anyone fancied starting one. A drop in craft group meet in the pub. I volunteer for a couple of things which has been fun. Get an allotment?

Birdy78 · 28/04/2022 13:51

@Beamur The allotment idea might be a good one despite me being the kiss of death to anything green or growing. I felt like strangling the bunch at the library and it would be a good place to hide the bodies 😂

OP posts:
Beamur · 28/04/2022 13:57

Everyone can grow weeds 😉

Strugglingtodomybest · 28/04/2022 14:00

Could you set up a second book group for all the rejects from the first?!

Redglitter · 28/04/2022 14:05

Someone posted on our local village fb page that she'd just moved, didn't know anyone and was looking to see if anyone was interested in meeting for coffee and or a walk. She got loads of replies. There's probably other people in your position who'd jump at the chance of meeting up

Birdy78 · 28/04/2022 14:06

@Strugglingtodomybest Excellent idea actually 😂

OP posts:
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