Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

Original poster

Being signed off work with stress - please talk to me about your experiences

18 replies

cantcopewithwork · 27/04/2022 15:46

Hi, I'm struggling at the moment with my job. I've only been there 7 months but it's gotten worse and worse, and the last couple of weeks I've been feeling really down and overwhelmed with it. I also have lots of little things in my personal life too and my mental health is really low

I have the GP phoning me and I think I need to ask for some time off of work, I also think I need to hand in my notice. The thing is I've not mentioned any of this to my manager, I'm currently off sick day but haven't given a reason (stress).

I don't know what to do or how to navigate this. I feel so embarrassed, and feel guilty I've not mentioned anything to my manager.

OP posts:

Original poster

cantcopewithwork · 27/04/2022 19:52

Anyone?

OP posts:

Babyroobs · 27/04/2022 19:59

I did this a couple of years ago in a new job which became very bad with a bullying manager. I took two weeks off sick, started some anti-depressants, decided that no job was worth being treated like that and handed in my notice. As I was still in probation period ( just) I only had to work one weeks notice and I went back for a couple of days just to tie up some loose ends then finished.

AlbusSeverusHagrid · 27/04/2022 20:08

I have and I was off for months and I spent it working on my mental health, going for small walks. It's okay to take time out if you need it xx

LadyLolaRuben · 27/04/2022 20:09

Hi OP. Sorry to hear you're going through this. I just told my Dr exactly how I was feeling. Then went through all the factors that I thought were causing it and what I thought needed to happen to get me back on track - including stuff I needed to do. I then said I felt I needed a break from work to recover and give me the headspace and strength to take action. I emphasised that I was concerned I would deteriorate further if the current situation continued as I'd struggled on and had got into a spiral. Drs are used to hearing this every single day. They are good at advising and supporting. Just be honest and upfront. And ask them for suggestions on what they believe would work in your situation.

Xpologog · 27/04/2022 20:13

Get the GP to sign you off for a couple of weeks to give you thinking time. Hopefully, in a couple of days you’ll feel less stressed and able to set out your options. Just set out anything you could do, even if it doesn’t seem logical or even totally achievable, it’ll make you see there are options. I walked away from a huge salary plus benefits like car, travel costs etc which came with 24/7 stress and lived on far less. But so glad I did.

Tania64 · 27/04/2022 20:13

I hope that you have talked to your GP and have got signed off. Screw as much time off sick as you can. Wage slavery is one of the main causes of human misery.

Yorkshirelass04 · 27/04/2022 20:22

I would have an open conversation asap with your manager about what's caused this situation.

I get that you need a couple of weeks to think and you also want to leave, but give them a chance. They have to listen to you and make adjustments.

Dahliasandtea · 27/04/2022 20:28

I wanted to be signed off work with stress 15yrs ago and my Dr who had known me since I was a teenager asked me if I thought it would be looked at badly at my work should I have that on my record. I had a pretty high level management position and I said ‘probably’. I had fallen a few days earlier and badly bruised my patella…. It was v painful and bruising badly. and he said he would sign me off with needing bed rest for 2 weeks (that was before the days of ‘working from home’ would have negated that) and to come back in 2 weeks if I thought I needed more. My boss knew exactly what had happened when I rang her without me having to explain and also knew that if I had handed in a letter signing me off for stress there would have been someone looking for a way to create some non-constructive-looking constructive dismissal for me. So she told me to rest up and would cover me within the team. I eventually had a month off. No it’s not ideal but it gave me time to work out what was wrong, how to start to change it. I went back with renewed energy, spoke to my boss and HR about needing a better support system, less work, an assistant… and I got it. and ultimately it started me on a route to get help for anxiety, change my qualifications, get out of my job, start my dream job and 15 years later I think my doctor was absolutely right to do that for me.

not telling you to ask your dr to lie. Just saying that at the time I couldn’t have faced the stigma of ‘not being able to cope’. It would have made things worse for me. I think/hope things are different now….. at the time I would have spent those 4 weeks worrying about how people would have perceived me on my return and ultimately been waiting for some ramifications. As it was I totally focused on me.

SockFluffInTheBath · 27/04/2022 20:28

The MH issue aside (I’m not a professional, can’t help with that) what is it about the job you’re struggling with? Do you think you’d be happier in a different role, or in a different company? As well as getting support from your gp look at what steps you can take to improve the situation as well ( not instead of, as well as, gp input). Were you feeling this way in your last job as well?

Original poster

cantcopewithwork · 27/04/2022 20:29

Yorkshirelass04 · 27/04/2022 20:22

I would have an open conversation asap with your manager about what's caused this situation.

I get that you need a couple of weeks to think and you also want to leave, but give them a chance. They have to listen to you and make adjustments.

I have my normal weekly catch-up with my manager tomorrow so I need to somehow bring it up without just bursting into tears!

It has all been triggered by my manager asking me to give a few presentations over the next few weeks. I was struggling with the job before, but that's tipped it over the edge. I really struggle with presenting and even speaking up in meetings.

Presenting work is part of my role, but I haven't had to do it yet whilst I was new. But now I've been there 7 months they are starting to push me more to do these kinds of things.

I don't know where it goes from asking for them to accomodate for my anxiety vs them telling me I'm not fit to do my job/not meeting expectations

OP posts:

Original poster

cantcopewithwork · 27/04/2022 20:33

SockFluffInTheBath · 27/04/2022 20:28

I'm mainly struggling with the social aspect of it. Talking to clients, presenting work, asking to give presentations to my team. I have social anxiety and didn't expect that level of presenting to be in my job, and I thought I'd be able to cope with it as I managed to get through presentations at school and university. I also have to send emails to lots of important people with lots of people CC'd in, which sounds silly but it stresses me out too in case I make a mistake or attach the wrong files.

I was fine in previous jobs.

OP posts:

Kedece2410 · 27/04/2022 20:35

I was off work for 5 months last year. I ended up in tears twice at work which in hindsight wasn't the worst thing because it reinforced to management how bad things were. I was sent home mid shift & spoke to my doctor a few days later

I was in a different situation though as I've been in my job for about 30 years so I'm well established & again management knew this was out of character

I had counselling which I found a total waste of time but I needed time away from the stress of work & with time & Setraline things improved. It was a slow process & I had spells I didn't get out of bed.

I had a phased return for a couple of months. I got that for lots longer than expected but they wanted to be sure I wasn't rushed back

Definitely talk to your bosses & your doctor before things get worse

Yorkshirelass04 · 27/04/2022 20:49

@cantcopewithwork

I do understand but have a bit of faith in your manager and yourself to get through this - all is not lost.

Doing presentations takes a bit of practice but I can honestly say the nerves go the more you keep trying. It sounds like you could do with some friendly support to help you prepare for them and do some dry runs - do you have anyone you can turn to?

Please don't be scared to ask for help and manager are used to people having a wobble. Most people have been emotional in 121s.

It seems to me that you have a lot of pride in your job and want to do well - that is a brilliant attribute, just don't put so much pressure on yourself.

Yorkshirelass04 · 27/04/2022 20:50

Also they have to make fair adjustments for mental health issues. This might include taking some tasks away from you for a while.

RadFad · 27/04/2022 20:55

I had to take 4.5 months off work last year for my mental health. I ended up taking redeployment to an environment that was more manageable for me.

Nothing wrong with needing to take time off for mental health.

longcoffeebreak · 27/04/2022 21:29

I'm not sure going off sick is the best option here for your self esteem. It seems it is the presentations that are worrying you and now that has spiralled into feeling inadequate about everything. Do you think perhaps going off might make you feel like you have run away?

Yorkshirelass04 · 27/04/2022 21:31

I agree, don't go off sick until you've given your manager a chance to rejig your workload and offer some coaching support. You'll get there!

Imliterallywingingit · 24/09/2023 10:57

@cantcopewithwork i know this is an old thread but what did you do in the end? I’m feeling exactly the same and have issues with presenting etc

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread