Online Dating for the first time - your advice please!

[Twoshotcortado]

DH and I are separating. Early days, not very amicable, will take years I’d imagine.

I have no interest or energy for another relationship any time soon BUT this weekend for the first time in two decades I found myself looking at other men, actually sizing them up - a very unusual feeling for me! (I was subtle, not mad stalker lady, I hope !)! And it actually perked me up and made me feel alive for the first time in years and years! And it made me think that in the long run I probably do want to meet someone else, however unlikely that is.

I know the world has moved on since I dated in the late nineties (eek!) and OLD is completely normal, and I’m also I think pretty realistic about my prospects (47 year old mother of two with arsehole ex husband isn’t enticing for everyone!) but on the other hand I’ve been told I look ‘good for my age ‘ 🤣 (I’ve chosen to take that as a compliment) and unlike my 20-odd year old self I have self confidence and a much better understanding of the world. I’m also fairly well prepared for the tsunami of sleaze bags, fantasists and downright oddballs I’m likely to encounter along the way!

so, I’d love the collective mumsnet wisdom on sites to consider, sites to avoid like the plague, funny OLD stories , maybe even hopeful stories please!

thank you

I'm following as I'm keen to give it a go to.

Different sites, different aspirations … if you have no interest or aspirations towards being in a relationship maybe POF or Tinder? I’d see a man like that as one giant red flag, but there’s someone for everyone so they say.

Oh yes, I should have said what I was looking for - truthfully I would be looking to be in a relationship, not looking for a casual shag, I’m far too uptight for that!

I meant realistically I won’t be ready to try OLD for a while, but just thinking about having a flirty date at some time in the future is a nicer thought than contemplating yet another painful discussion with ‘D’ H about bloody pension pots 🤪

You're opening yourself up to potential wounding going online while your marriage hasn't yet reached closure. Just as long as you realise that before you dive in.

There's a board in Relationships for those doing OLD. It'll tell you everything you need to know. If you're expecting a flirty evening, sadly I'd say you're not ready for OLD yet.

Keep a thick skin. With the prevalence of online dating now, people are treated as disposable- if your date from last Saturday didn’t quite live up to expectations then you can just find someone else for a date next weekend. Might be wise to get into that mindset yourself!

Ha ha, good old mumsnet helping to keep me tethered to reality! 🤣

I really am not thinking of trying OLD anytime soon ( by soon I mean anytime in the next year at least) as I said all my focus is taken up by my current situation, I was just enjoying the flight of fancy of thinking that maybe, when the dust has settled, there is a man or men out there whose company I might enjoy ( unlike my husband’s)

or is the consensus that I’m mad to even think this?!

I mean, as I said in my OP, I’m worldly enough to realise that for every great guy there will be 100 (1000?!) David Brents…

Advice- it’s going to hurt a little! You will be stood up, ghosted, ignored and sometimes people say rude things when something isn’t go their way. It’s no reflection on you, it happens to the best of us and I think it’s important to remember it’s not you and just the way it is because I’m otherwise it can effect your self esteem.

If your just looking for casual sex or a fwb then the dating sites are fab for that.

@HeDidWhattt I’m not at that stage, but I know id not be looking for casual sex or FWB. Although neither do I want a second husband!

Maybe OLD wouldn’t be for me then, as while I’m thick skinned enough to withstand being stood up /rejected etc (and would just immediately block any obvious sleazes) if it really is nothing but a sewer of creeps and desperados, then I’d rather not bother

i suppose I’d hoped people would be able to give guidance on which sites attract which sort of demographic? Or are they all essentially the same, men looking for one night stands? How depressing!

Stay away from PoF.

In my experience (and I know its different for everyone) PoF is like the bar in town that is frequented by the people who have been banned from all the other clubs in town, if you get me.