Step-dad names

[Drogo92]

Hello everyone.

I am looking to consult the wise council of mums on here.

So I have my own little girl of 5 and my partner has a girl just turned 4 and one just turned 8. We also have a 4th due 22/08. Finally getting back back with a little boy. We all live together and I have been a constant staple of my step kids lifes for the past 3 years.

Both children have said they want to call me daddy, even from early on. I at the start told them "You have a dad and I'm not here to replace him". This has then developed more recently to "You have a dad, but I love you as my daughters" and I refer to all 3 of them collectively as "my girls" as I do love them both just as much as my biological daughter.

Recently I sat the oldest down (She has been the most adamant in calling me daddy) and said you are allowed to call me daddy if you want to, she then got really excited. I then explained to her that if you do you need to understand that it might upset your dad. She has then downheartedly said "I will call you Connor, I don't want to upset anyone".

This was a couple of months ago and you can see a mile away she still wants to and I would love them to call me dad/daddy. She has even called me daddy a few times. The other day she did it and I asked her later in the day if she noticed and she said "yeah" (she used to correct herself before our conversation a couple months back).

So my question is, should I allow them to call me daddy and there dad just has to live with it?

He is not consistent and will have them overnight on average 2 nights a month, with no routine just when he decides or can be bothered and the occasional trips to the park during the day have ended in recent times since he got a girlfriend. Now he might be a useless sod, but that doesn't change the fact that the girls still love him and they will remain my priority as much as I do want to kick him in the nuts.

I cannot talk to the dad about it as he will avoid me to the point that if I walk through the hall while he is at the door, he hides round the corner (Not going to lie, I sometimes do it for a giggle). This has been the same since I told him off for trying to shout at my partner in front of the kids because they didn't brush their teeth one morning when we slept in a couple years ago.

Alternatively if anyone has any alternative dad like nicknames I am open to suggestions.

Why would their dad know though?

Imo your girls feeling safe, secure and loved by another man and them referring to that man as daddy overrules a flakey fucker's feelings. A daddy is a title imo. They will feel less left out than having to call you something different to their sibling. What works inside your home is important.. If the biological df cared enough they wouldn't be asking would they?

What about papa/pops? Just a thought

My friend's kids call their step dad Pop, they are a bit older though.

My kids have never called their step mum by anything but her first name but again they were teenagers when she came into their lives. They do, well at least my daughter, get her a Mother's Day card. (Son doesn't even get me one and I am more fine with that than their dad is about him not getting her one.

DS decided (at the age of about 3 and while on holiday in France) that he would call DH Papa.

Since then he has lost all contact with his biological father, changed his name to DH's and was eventually adopted by him. He still calls him DH and he will be 18 next week 🙂

At the time it was a perfect compromise but I'm really glad that it stuck.

Obviously that should say still calls him Papa

rather ruined the sentiment there

I wouldn’t encourage it, no matter how much you would ‘love them to call you daddy.’

That’s not me being anti-stepdad, my oldest girl calls DH (her stepdad) dad. But her dad is not in the picture, she’s never really known him. My older son just calls him his name and that’s fine too, but I wouldn’t encourage a child to call someone mummy or daddy when they’ve already got mummy and daddy. Especially when there’s a fraught relationship between stepdad and dad, and sitting a child down because you can ‘see a mile away’ that they want to call you daddy and explaining they can but it will upset their dad isn’t great. Of course that made her feel rubbish, being sat down by stepdad and told she can call him daddy if she wants but she needs to decide if she wants to do that and upset her dad.

You sound like a lovey stepdad, and you don’t need them to call you daddy. You’ll always be a nice stepdad to them.

They have a dad. Unfortunately that's not you. I would be massively upset if my kids started calling their step mum mum.

I also don't think this is a decision for you. You can't decide whether it's ok for them to call you dad. That decision is more down to your wife, the kids and their dad.

What would your bio daughter think? I think it might not be fair on her especially if you don’t live with her.