Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Friendship lost - thoughts?

10 replies

Vallmo47 · 25/04/2022 11:45

Following a discussion with husband about a close friend I’ve recently lost touch with, I’m after unbiased opinions.

15 year long friendship, very close. Shared many ups and downs over the years with mental health problems on both sides. Stood by each other’s side through periods where they didn’t have many others.
Recently friend began stepping away from messaging (although they used to spend many hours a day talking). I have tried to be supportive and give friend space, but at one point felt a bit offended and as if the friendship was now one sided. Friend denied anything being wrong, said they were just busy. Friendship continued on friends terms, I didn’t feel I was overly pushy, gave space and said things like “message when you feel up to it, am here for you if you need me”.
After some months of some of my messages being ignored and others answered, friend messaged they’d be in touch the following day. Radio silence followed, so I messaged briefly just hoping friend was okay. Message seen and ignored for nearly 2 months.

As mentioned there have been mental health problems on both sides over the years so I truly do understand sometimes you can’t cope with talking. But it would have been nice to get a message to explain as much - it would have been both appreciated and respected.

I guess what I’m asking is - would you try messaging again or continue to leave the ball in their court?
Should add, I do feel quite hurt by it all because it happened at a very rough time of year for me on the very day I lost a beloved family member, which friend is aware of.

Thank you if you got through my essay, sometimes you just need a vent as well.

OP posts:
Swayingpalmtrees · 25/04/2022 12:01

I would stop messaging and let your friend come to you. MH issues or not, it is not acceptable to ghost you and ignore your messages. Especially to show no interest in your bereavement.

It sounds one sided, and has been for a long time. I would invest in other friendships and put this one on the backburner.

Playplayaway · 25/04/2022 12:10

I think you need to let her go but leave the door open for her to come back.

Sorry for your loss 💐

Chica10 · 25/04/2022 12:17

I would step away now as it’s unfair to you. She might be going through something or she may have lost interest in the friendship, as sad as that could be. People change all the time as do friendships.

Vallmo47 · 25/04/2022 13:04

Thank you all, I appreciate the comments. I just hate that feeling of “Have I missed something, maybe she’s suffering more than I realised and now she thinks I don’t care?” But I feel like I’ve truly tried to reach out many times and it’s her turn to fight for friendship if she’d like to. ❤️

OP posts:
Doingmybest12 · 25/04/2022 13:28

At some point you have to step back and move on for your own sake. You can't make her engage regardless of what situation she is in , this happened to me and when we finally got back in touch a lot had been happening in her family I was unaware of but for what ever reason she didn't want to share and that is fine. It was hard at the time but I take the view that she did what she needed to at the time but I have been wary when we've met occasionally since but haven't expected anymore.

Vallmo47 · 25/04/2022 13:58

Thank you @Doingmybest12.
I do agree, this is why I haven’t messaged for the past couple months and will continue not to… I just struggle wanting closure I guess. Also I would genuinely feel awful if she was in a dark place and I wasn’t there for her. But it is her choice. I just keep imagining something horrific happening to her that I could have somehow helped to prevent.
I am taking your advice, and everyone else’s. She knows where I am after all. I just wish I could find a friendship where the love and respect is mutual. I don’t know why I’m feeling like crap on my own yet still wanting to reach out to see she’s okay.
I deserve more, I just need to stop trying so hard I think. You’re all right thank you. ❤️

OP posts:
Chica10 · 25/04/2022 14:00

Vallmo47 · 25/04/2022 13:04

Thank you all, I appreciate the comments. I just hate that feeling of “Have I missed something, maybe she’s suffering more than I realised and now she thinks I don’t care?” But I feel like I’ve truly tried to reach out many times and it’s her turn to fight for friendship if she’d like to. ❤️

Friendship is a 2 way street. You’ve made the effort, you’ve reached out. You have done all the right things. Regardless of what she is going through she should at least have acknowledged you, even if it’s just to say “ I want to be alone for now”, or similar, just to not keep you hanging like this. It is sad, but you have not done anything wrong.

olympicsrock · 25/04/2022 14:02

Hello OP , I really feel for you but she has behaved very badly . It’s not hard to send a quick reply. ‘Struggling g at the mimrnt and need some space’ etc.

I would tell yourself that you are worth more!

WhereWasThatFrom · 25/04/2022 16:25

Have you started a thread about this before?

I think it sounds like she was clear she was backing off. I'd just leave it be.

Vallmo47 · 25/04/2022 17:07

Thank you all, I really appreciate it. No other threads from me on topic. Regular here (reply a lot and try to be supportive), but have a total of 3 own threads. Am a bit of a chicken.😂 Unfortunately this kind of thing happens and I’m the first to support people in saying when they deserve better. I will hold my held high on this occasion and just continue to wish her well. I think I just needed to hear it from others who aren’t as involved in the situation.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page