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Original poster

Did you settle?

49 replies

Queriesdon12 · 25/04/2022 10:28

Did you settle with your partner?

I've been single a long time and I'm trying to decide whether to accept the man that's interested in me, even though he's not Mr perfect. Is it better to be with someone 'ok' vs being alone?

I'm 24 so there's no urgent need to have kids, I have a few years of fertility (hopefully) left for that. But I would like to be in a relationship.

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 25/04/2022 12:02

At you age no, don’t settle ! You’ve got years left to find the man of your dreams.
I’d say to save up and try and get on the property ladder, and get a job that suits school/nursery , so that you can always go it alone if you need to.

RandomMess · 25/04/2022 12:04

I certainly wouldn't settle for someone I couldn't talk to, he doesn't sound very engaging or interesting.

Move on!!

NoSquirrels · 25/04/2022 12:05

I'd like to spend the next couple of years travelling and seeing the world and living abroad

Do that, then. If current guy isn’t interested in this then there’s your answer.

TottersBlankly · 25/04/2022 12:16

get a job that suits school/nursery

All women should limit themselves thus? Hmm

What about astronauts, arctic explorers, barristers, film directors, surgeons?

Is this what we’re telling young women now?

ginswinger · 25/04/2022 12:17

Go travelling and you'll probably find a man who enjoys travelling too whilst you're out there! I know travelling solo might be daunting but I've done it and had a whale of a time.

Sunnytwobridges · 25/04/2022 12:46

Please don’t settle. This guy sounds boring. Much like my ex who I settled with for almost 8 years. I hate myself for wasting that time especially since I’m older. At 24 you have all the opportunities possible to meet someone who you are more compatible with.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 25/04/2022 12:56

No. I'm 31 and won't be "settling".

AledsiPad · 25/04/2022 12:56

No, I fell hopelessly in love.

However, I also didn't have unrealistic expectations. DH is incredible, he's kind, funny, hard working, an amazing father, great in bed, we are a 50/50 partnership.

But, he isn't perfect. There are aspects of him that drive me mental and, whilst he's bloody gorgeous to me, he isn't Tom Hardy.

I was married at 24, having been together 4 years, so I got lucky (married nearly a decade now). You have so, so long!

phizog · 25/04/2022 12:58

You have so many things you want to do, why bother getting into a relationship unless you're crazy about him. Do the travel, smash out your career, move somewhere different - and you'll likely meet the right guy while you're experiencing all of this. You're far too young to be even considering a meh relationship!

RiverSkater · 25/04/2022 13:01

Give him a go. You're just trying him on to see if he fits. But don't settle yet. 😊

RiverSkater · 25/04/2022 13:03

There again, gym bunny bores should bore off!

peachgreen · 25/04/2022 13:35

Nope. Settling is way worse than being single. I settled for a decade and it was absolutely shite. I'm now on my own after the death of my DH (who was my absolute soulmate and completely wowed me in every single way) and I will never, ever settle again. It's just not worth it.

KangarooKenny · 25/04/2022 14:16

TottersBlankly · 25/04/2022 12:16

get a job that suits school/nursery

All women should limit themselves thus? Hmm

What about astronauts, arctic explorers, barristers, film directors, surgeons?

Is this what we’re telling young women now?

So that she can have a child on her own, if she needs to in the future 🙄
Unless she can afford 24 hour nannies

TottersBlankly · 25/04/2022 14:19

Yes. I understood why you said it. My point is that it would be a poor lookout if every woman restricted her career options to those that might, at some point, accommodate solo child rearing. Rather than aiming for the best career she might have and fitting the rest of her life around that.

Stade197 · 25/04/2022 14:25

Queriesdon12 · 25/04/2022 11:53

I have an idea of what I'd like from like. I'd like to spend the next couple of years travelling and seeing the world and living abroad before coming back to London. Longer term, I'd like to have a house in the countryside with some land and hopefully a nice husband.

I think my desire to travel also makes me weary about getting into a relationship. Im hoping that I can find a man who also wants to travel with me.

Show quote history

Definitley don't just settle, you will regret it in the future. 24 is still very young, you have so much time to be starting a family (I've just had my first baby at 31 and I honestly don't feel too old to be a new mum)

If you want to go travelling then go do that first and do it single. If you do find someone who also wants to travel the world you may go away and find he doesn't want to experience the same things as you whilst away which could hold you back. It will give you time to find yourself and what you want from life and who knows, you may even meet the perfect man whilst you are travelling

Kitten2 · 25/04/2022 14:29

34 yes I probably would 'settle' because my priority would be a family. 24... hell no! No reason to at all. You have plenty of time to meet someone you adore.

roarfeckingroarr · 25/04/2022 14:31

Would anyone settle at 34? With someone with whom you share a child and get on with well enough but not enough affection or love to feel truly happy?

Asking for a friend Blush

Isonthecase · 25/04/2022 14:45

Definitely don't settle at your age and with wanting to travel. If he's a bit dull all you'll find yourself not doing any of your dreams because he was too boring to encourage you. You need someone who helps you be interesting and the best way to meet them is to be interesting yourself.

I remember meeting my husband after deciding that what I thought I wanted wasn't working out so maybe I didn't actually want that. He can be a total pain in the bum in a lot of ways and there are an awful lot of people who would think he isn't worth the effort but for me he balances out the bits of me that aren't great and together we bring out the best in each other and really value each other. So I settled for someone who doesn't speak several languages or have advanced degrees or be incredibly well paid but I did it because the other things were so much more important that I stopped caring about those.

beachcomber70 · 25/04/2022 15:08

You're too young to 'settle'.
I married someone I loved a lot. He was hard working and a decent human being. But when the years of being engaged, planning the wedding, buying out first house, doing it up, having children etc. etc. went on I realised that despite all other areas of life opening up nothing would ever take the place in his life of...rugby. Playing it, being a selector, talking about it, watching it.....

Another thing was that he had no conversation. He could read a paper from cover to cover and never remark on any event, incident or amazing drama, discovery or scandal! He wasn't interested, his world was [and is I suspect] rugby and nights at the pub talking about cars and sport. His best mate had twins and I hadn't even been told they were expecting! He was not interested. He was totally unstimulated [even by his home and children], and it was unstimulating for me as I can talk about most subjects and am fully engaged and interested in the world. I'm sorry but his brain was just dull. Trouble is it affects the other person/the marriage and can bring their mental health down.

In the end we went our separate ways. A lot. I have a friend now, just a friend, who would be no good as a partner but has interesting, stimulating conversation about so many things. My brain feels alive when we talk. So I would not advise any relationship or lifetime commitment with someone such as you have described.

grapewines · 25/04/2022 15:09

roarfeckingroarr · 25/04/2022 14:31

Would anyone settle at 34? With someone with whom you share a child and get on with well enough but not enough affection or love to feel truly happy?

Asking for a friend Blush

No. I wouldn't. Lack of affection in a relationship would be a killer.

phizog · 25/04/2022 15:13

You have so many things you want to do, why bother getting into a relationship unless you're crazy about him. Do the travel, smash out your career, move somewhere different - and you'll likely meet the right guy while you're experiencing all of this. You're far too young to be even considering a meh relationship!

LegMeChicken · 25/04/2022 15:53

Not at your age! With people having babies in their mid-30’s (and beyond) you’re too young to consider ‘settling’.
Never date a person you can’t spend 8 hours alone with. In a tent.

Mochatatts · 25/04/2022 15:57

Do not settle. Definitely not at 24. I settled at 23, we married and had 2 kids. Divorced by 37. I look back now and wish I'd travelled, been to festivals, enjoyed being I charge of my own life without having to compromise or consider someone else's feelings. Please don't miss out on all those experiences for the sake of a man at 24.

AryaStarkWolf · 25/04/2022 16:40

It would be very unfair to that guy as well by the way. Don't "settle" that's depressing, you're only 24 fgs!

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