Bad day

[TypicallyTopically]

I took my 4.5 year old round to partners mums home. She's never met him before. His behaviour was awful. I'm so embarrassed. We had to leave early. He was jumping round, knocking things over, crying hysterically. He's been to their house before just with my partner there and he was fine.

Anyone?

Naughty step?

Believe me I tried.

Well I shouldn't worry. He's 4. 4 year olds do misbehave sometimes. As long as you didn't stand back and let him do it it'll be fine

Its so embarrassing

I expect more of him

Aw don’t feel too bad about this OP, so your son was acting the goat, but he is only 4.

It's just hard work.

He never used to be like this

I loved mat leave. He was so chill and even going back to work but now it's a slog. I've lost the days where we had fun.

Is he back to school tomorrow after Easter? He might be worried about that.

Or you might find that tomorrow he's got a bit of a cold and temperature, or he suddenly grows an inch overnight.

Or maybe he wasn't in the right mood - at that age he won't be able to explain it, so it can come out as bad behaviour.

If an adult wasn't in the mood for socialising they have the control over the situation to rearrange or they have the right skills to tell themselves "just an hour, then I can go home and relax in front of the TV", but a four year old can't make those decisions. Generally, that's what's needed - it's too stressful for a child to be responsible for all the choices, but it does mean that they have to "put up" with things they're not in the mood for.

Give him a hug (I assume in the morning now!) and assume next time will be better. Maybe take a new magazine or stickers to distract him next time and have a chat with him before hand about what the plan is (how long you'll stay, will you be eating lunch) and what you expect from him (ok to do X, must've do Y, if you're not sure you can quietly ask me)

*mustn't

He's not in school yet. I've got no idea what was going on. He switched quickly__

Seems like he was picking up on how tense you were and his outlet was to misbehave. You were probably out of sorts and he had no means to communicate how strange it all felt. You desperately wanted to not rile your new partners mum and instead he picked up on your stress and acted out.

Its just hard work

I think I'm going to keep everything separate in future.

I never know if I've done the right thing.

He was probably overwhelmed. You say it's the first time he's met your partners mother - this indicates a very new partner?

Honestly stop feeling embarrassed and 'expecting more' of him. Maybe start looking at why this might have happened ... are you overwhelming him with a new relationship and putting your needs first?

Unfortunately it's often the case that the more bothered we are about our DC's behaviour, the more likely they are to act up.

Ahead of anything where I have a particular need for DD to behave well I try to make sure she's had some good quality undivided attention from me and that I set her up to cope with the situation ok by telling her the plan and what it'll be like, and what we'll do afterwards. This doesn't mean it's always perfect though but I find it's a good investment.

The answer us no my needs are not puy 1st

How long have you been with your partner and how recently has he been in your son's life? Could he be feeling insecure as there's someone new in his life?

7 months I've been with partner.