Ghosting in friendships - moving on

[Whowhatwherewhenwhynow]

I have a friend who seems to be periodically ghosting me. we fell out of contact for a while when she didn’t respond to a few messages from me, then out of the blue she made contact again, over the last few years there have been maybe 4-5 occasions where she has ghosted me for a while, only to make contact after a number of months as though nothing has happened or with lame excuses (oh sorry I forgot to reply to that message).

I initially tried to be understanding (maybe she’s busy, having a hard time etc at mo), and was kind when she made contact after ignoring me (I hasten to add I didn’t repeatedly message her or anything and stopped contact her after a few unreturned messages so she chose to reply of her own accord after ages with no messages from me). However I’m just getting fed up of the situation now and finding it upsetting to be constantly feeling like crap when I’m ignored again. I feel like I’m stuck in a loop or reconnecting and then feeling rejected again. I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to take control of the situation and cease to respond when she eventually messages me again after ages of contact to stop the cycle. I’ve unfollowed on FB and restricted on Instagram so I don’t view anything of her.

has anyone else experienced this with a friend. Did you ever find out why it was happening? Have you done this to a friend?

it’s surprisingly upsetting to have someone you like and enjoy being friends with repeatedly ghost you and then choose to “rekindle” the friendship only to ghost you again.

If she’s your friend, why on earth not ask her?

I did ask her. I’m fairly straight forward with people….which I think is why I find the ghosting thing so odd as it feels passive aggressive when coupled with remaking contact sporadically.

she responds something along the lines of that she’s been busy, forgot to respond etc . I asked directly if there was an issue or if I had done something to upset her and she said no. To be honest I don’t think there is any value I’m asking again. I think probably there is some kind of issue but she is not the sort to be direct….hence ghosting me I suppose.

I experienced this behaviour with a so-called 'friend'. It happened twice.

I found out she was spending time with someone else. Her choice of course, she can choose who she wants to spend time with, but I won't be picked up and dropped like that.

I vowed that the next time she contacted me I would be busy. She must've read my mind as I've not heard from her for 2 years.

Shame...

@Thesefeetaremadeforwalking I kind of hope that I hear nothing from this friend. At least then I can just move on. It’s the constant getting back in touch that’s irritating because then I either have to reply or choose to actively ignore her.

I had considered just taking her off social media and bloking her number, but that seems to passive aggressive.

My 'friend' has done this to me for a number of years. It really hurts. Sadly, I'm new to a town that is very difficult to crack friendship wise. I'd finally made this friend after years of trying to connect with people, I was lonely. I felt that a shit friend was better than no friends so I put up with it. I've reached a point that I won't anymore though, it's not worth the feeling of being rejected. I last messaged her at Christmas which she ignored, she ignored my birthday. I've decided when the inevitable 'sorry I've just been sooo busy' text comes through I'm going to tell her the friendship is over. Best of luck OP, its a horrible feeling.

I have a friend doing this at the moment.
But in my case I understand its my friends addiction issues that prevent her contacting me. I had asked her not call when she's out of it, and I appreciate that she doesn't.
If your friend is just too busy thats a different matter. I would let the friendship slide if you are feeling disappointed by this friendship . You don't owe anybody anything in life. Except yourself, you owe yourself happiness. 😊