I have no feelings for my baby

[ThatWullDo]

I’m 12 weeks and have no attachment to my baby. The baby I’ve wanted or thought I wanted my whole life. I’ve even had thoughts of adoption as well as termination most days.

I was briefly excited but as time has gone on I feel nothing but fear about it all. Like my life is over and I will have this baby that I feel nothing for and will have to pretend I like. I feel like I’ve made a huge mistake and i even think about going back to being single in my nice house and being alone everyday…which is exactly what I hated when it was happening. I’m such a mess and don’t deserve to be a mum for one second. I haven’t told DP as he would support me whatever I wanted to do and I don’t want to put the decision on him especially when I don’t even understand my own feelings.

It's completely normal to feel no attachment to a pregnancy. I've had 3 babies and didn't feel anything till they were born. I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks and wasn't even upset about it because to me, it doesn't feel real till the baby is here.
It's also normal not to feel attached to the baby when it's born. Some mums don't till the baby is a lot older.

My guess is that as soon as you see your new baby you will fall head over heels in love 🥰 😍

I don't think this is that unusual OP. There isn't really much to bond with at 12 weeks.

I also wouldn't worry if you aren't overwhelmed with love the first time you see your dc, sometimes these things take a little time.

Do you have a midwife yet? If not I would speak to your gp about the way you are feeling as you could have anti natal depression. But it’s not unusual to feel scared, I remember thinking ‘omg what have I done’ when I had my first.

But even if you don’t, that’s ok too. It’s also normal to not feel a “rush of love” after birth, and can take time to develop feelings

It's a lot easier to feel attached further on, when they start moving has made a difference to me. But I think sometimes there can be things that stop or slow it too - I had my last right at the start of lockdown one and found it much harder to bond with him than my first as I was so freaked out by all the unknowns. Maybe it's similar for you?

I could have written this exact same thing when I was pregnant and I had ante natal depression. I had wanted a baby for so long and when it finally happened after four rounds of IVF and two miscarriages I just wasn’t happy at all. I couldn’t understand why and the whole thing terrified me.

Are you able to speak to your midwife or GP about how you’re feeling? Most areas have a specific perinatal mental health team who you can ask to be referred to - they helped me massively and I am now a very happy mum to my 11 month old DS.

Yes, this. Don't feel bad if you don't fall in love with your baby on sight either. I spent too much time feeling like a shit human being for not falling head over heels with my newborn. The guilt about not bonding with my baby made my depression even worse.
You're not abnormal or a bad mother/person for feeling this way, op.

At 12w there’s not much bins to have tbh. I don’t think I felt a bond till 12w after birth!!! Don’t put pressure on yourself!

Bond* autocorrect.

I only felt the rush of love with one of my 3. The other two felt like strangers.

I didn't feel anything for my bump for ages. I was excited about the prospect of having a baby but I didn't think of my bump as an actual baby. I'd previously had a miscarriage at 12 weeks and although I was sad and disappointed I definitely didn't feel grief.

I felt a huge rush of love once my babies were born but even then I don't think it's the least bit unusual to feel empty and nothing towards the baby once it's born. Having a baby is a massive mindfuck and sometimes people react in unexpected ways. Throw in pnd or other existing mental health issues then it's no wonder so many women ( and men!) struggle.
Having said all that then if you are worried that you aren't ok with how you are feeling then speak to your GP or another health professional.

You plan, you dream, you anticipate. Then it happens and you literally think ‘ fook what have I done’ oh then you birth the longed for child and do it all again. Well that’s how it was for me.