Early empty nesters - how do you feel about it?

[MrsVillanelle]

Hi,

So I have one 15 year old dc and I'm in my late 30's. Would have loved more, but circumstances made it difficult. If they decide to go to uni at 18, I could have an empty nest by 40 and honestly, it makes me very sad, as well as scared. I haven't worked in all that time, apart from the odd part time job here and there. This was mainly down to poor MH, which is probably why I'm feeling the way I am! Already worrying about something which won't happen for at least 3 years anyway! That's typical me really.

Have toyed with the idea of having another baby over the past few years, but I think that might just be to fill the void, which is never good. The longing is quite strong though. Especially given the normality of our generation having babies later in life. It's difficult to close the door on it completely when it's everywhere! My friend is the same age and has just had her first baby. She's on cloud nine

I just don't feel ready to be at this stage and when my friends tell me to rejoice in the freedom, travel, get more hobbies etc, I can't seem to get excited. I know most people at this stage are already planning their first child free adventures, but I just feel a huge emptiness.

Can I get past this? Can I get past the feeling of a home not being a home without children in it? I think that sums it up for me really.

Would be great to hear some positive stories.

TIA

Just giving this a hopeful bump before it disappears 🙂

My mum was an empty nester at 41, when I went off to uni, my sister having left when mum was 36. My parents just filled their time with other things. They looked around to see what groups were in the area and joined some that they were interested in. I was heavily into a sport when I was growing up and my parents stayed involved with that for years after I had left, it helped them stay connected and of course they'd made many friends themselves over the years.

My ds was born when l was 30.

I had a child from a second relationship when he was 12 and l was 42.

We love her so much. She’s 15. I dreaded ds leaving home. I’m not dreading her leaving as much. I always felt l wanted 2 children.

Cant imagine a life without her.

I was 45 when dd2 reached 18 - though dd1 stayed home for her first degree so I wasn't completely empty nested then - I split my time between there and my Dp's house until the pandemic when I packed my car and moved in with him full time (both DD's boyfriends had moved into my house for the duration, do you blame me?) Unfortunately like with so many youngsters, mine decided my new house was better than the very large house I had left for them to live in and moved down to live with me!

Do you have a partner? I think it would be better for you to concentrate on yourself rather than having another baby at the moment. What is it that stops you working? Would you be interested in studying for a different career?

In many cases you would be surprised how much they are home even if they go to university, there is a lot of holiday and they often come back after so try not to borrow worry, it may not be as bad as you think.

That said, I am mid 40s with adult children so I can relate, but I do have younger nieces and nephews and we are a close family so I get to spend time with family children. What is your wider family/friends situation? You may well find that friends and family with younger children would welcome you to get involved if you would wish to.

Start doing some online career orientated courses. I retrained at 50 and have just got a job a good couple of rungs up the ladder from where I was. Very exciting.