Really worried about my gaslighting son

[OctopusSay]

AFAIK it's only me he does it to, but I'm really worried, one that he does it so easily and two how it will affect his other relationships.

For example, I went away for the weekend and asked him to check somethings while I was away. He swears blind I only asked him about one of them even though I know I didn't, but he still has me doubting myself.

Another one he lied about something, told me a different number to the real one, but he swears I was mistaken about what he said, again, so convincingly that I begin to wonder if he's right.

He's generally a good lad, nice to be around, kind to his grandparents, helpful around the house, works hard and pays his way, but this behaviour almost frightens me.

He's 21. Is there anything can do? Or maybe it's normal to want to pull the wool over your mum's eyes?

Yes, call him out on it and tell him to pack it in. Doesn't matter if he's just doing it to his mother, he'll think he's got away with it and start doing it to everyone else.

Oh yes, he's been told in no uncertain terms that I know what he's doing and what I think of it. I've also told him how lying destroys relationships, but it makes no difference. It's almost like he can't help himself. [Sad]

Can you try not reacting? You ask him to do something.. if he does or doesn’t, don’t react. See what he does

Are you sure he's lying? In the first instance he might have only heard Half of what you asked him and in the second he might have misremembered a number. Neither of those is gaslighting if it doesn't benefit him in some way really. I would think he just has a poor working memory

Yeah I wonder this. My dd is a similar age and she doesn’t remember anything - I literally have to text her things or leave notes up. Have you tried that? I think young people are so preoccupied with their own lives they check out when a parent says something to them!