I am so hurting for my dd. I know she’s not perfect but what kid is really and she really doesn’t deserve what’s being done to her.
She’s always had a rocky time in school, struggled with friends in primary and secondary. She settled and made some friends in secondary but they’re not close, don’t really see each other out of school. She has closer friends made through her drama activities.
She and her school ‘bestie’ have really not been close at all this last year, but they are part of a small group of girls. They have ‘leavers day’ on Friday, Prom in June and tickets for Leeds Festival instead of a 6th year holiday abroad. The ‘bestie’ will stop talking on social media days or weeks even at whatever actual or perceived issue takes her mood but dd has put up with it for the sake of the 6th year experience of leavers day and prom. I wasn’t thrilled when they got tickets for Leeds as I had concerns about her personal safety and the group ostracising her if ‘bestie’ took the huff at the festival. Still she gave ‘bestie’ the money, tickets were bought and accommodation booked for 4 of them to go together. Accommodation is pay on arrival.
‘Bestie’ got a blue prom dress early doors. Lots of other girls in the year also got blue dresses. DD, gran and I went prom dress shopping in January and stayed away from anything blue, red and I think green as those colours were already ‘taken’ in their small group. Saw a blue dress that was so very different that it was always going to be a ‘marmite’ dress (she would either love it or hate it when she tried it on). The whole shop stopped dead when she came out of the fitting room. It was utterly stunning and she fell in love with it. Sent a picture to ‘bestie’ and got the answer - I would rather you stay away from blue. At least 12 other girls have a similar shade of blue to ‘bestie’. She didn’t get it. She did find another dress that she loves in a colour that doesn’t conflict and that stands out from the crowd, ironically in the same shop where ‘bestie’ got her dress. Still, the huff was real for a while.
Unlike ‘bestie’ dd has never really had a boyfriend and ‘bestie’ calls her gay all the time. It was a joke when they were younger but is frequently followed or preceded by a reference to dd not having a boyfriend and dd is quite fed up with it now especially as she has seen ill treatment of some of her theatre friends by people who are intolerant of their identity.
A couple of weekends back another girl had some friends round at the weekend. All of dd’s friend group were included except dd who isn’t particularly friends with the girl. The group kept it a secret before and after the event which was short notice. DD knew about it anyway as the girl had included boys not from school that dd knows through another friend group and they spoke with her about it after the event. She wasn’t bothered about not being included but she was hurt that they felt the need to be secretive about it. I would say the group were a little uncomfortable when they realised she knew.
A few days after the party she left school early to record an audition tape that had to be submitted. She was on her room when one of the group posted on the festival chat -
Don’t bother coming to Leeds (name) lol xx
She was understandably confused and queried this -
Where do I begin
Everything
followed by a list of complaints and accusations ranging from referring to them as her ‘school friends’ to complaining about things that she has indeed said, but taken out of context and twisted, to her having walked out of school that day.
‘Bestie’ insisted she couldn’t transfer the festival ticket as the option was not available (bought through Ticketmaster) and she didn’t have the money to give her for it. Dd insisted that she get the ticket or the money for it as the group had decided to kick her off the trip.
Dd was determined she was leaving school there and then as she has accepted an offer for a Drama course and doesn’t need the exams she’s due to take. She couldn’t face going into school and having no one to talk with or sit with. I spoke with the head of senior school and it was agreed that for the sake of 7 school days dd would only attend school for the classes of the 2 exams she is sitting Highers for. I asked the school not to speak with the girls as it would only exacerbate things, however, I tried to speak to the ‘besties’ mum to ask her to ensure dd got her money or her ticket but that did not go down well at all.
Dd was distraught about prom as she has no one else to go with but I encouraged her to keep planning for it as it’s not a done deal till after prom has passed. She reached out on the festival chat on Wednesday to apologise for anything she has said that has offended, upset or hurt any of them, that they all know her well enough to know she would never intentionally say anything to hurt anyone (she has spent a lot of time supporting some of them when they have been going through their own struggles). One of the girls accepted it, one not so much and ‘bestie’ took a middle of the road approach. Dd was content she had to make an effort to do something for the sake of getting through the last days of school, leavers day and prom without them being too uncomfortable together.
Back to school tomorrow after Easter Break and ‘bestie’ messages her tonight to say that she’s sold her ticket but could only get half the face value for it and she’ll have the money in 10 - 15 working days 😡