HOW do I get more sleep?

[Donttalktomeaboutsleep]

I am so grateful for my beautiful children. But I want to be an engaged, effective and safe (for driving etc) parent and I really must sleep more to do this.

I have a 4 year old and a 1 year old. The 4 year old does often sleep through if she is in my bed, but if my youngest wakes one part of the night more often - or sleeps longer for once - by bad luck the eldest wakes me the other part or all through the night. It feels like they tag team to keep me awake sometimes. My eldest was a very frequent waker for years and slept through at 2.5 just before DC2 was born. She has a medical condition that we were told could be a contributing factor so have always just done whatever helps her to sleep. There is no other advice her consultant can offer in this respect, but often she will sleep ok if I am nearby, although she snores loudly and it is tricky to get back to sleep next to her when DC2 wakes me frequently. If we try to keep her in her own room and just walk her back each time she gets up supernanny style she screams and screams and nobody sleeps, although eventually with consistency I imagine she would get used to it, although I worry that if she is uncomfortable it's not right not to be on hand, but then also wonder if it is doing her a disservice not helping her learn the tools to sleep alone.

The youngest wouldn't be put down as a newborn but then went through a reasonable spell of just waking two hourly or so for a feed. In the last few months she's had problems with illnesses, teeth etc and can be up multiple times an hour some nights. I'd like to night wean to remove that sleep association, although she can go to sleep independently, but it always seems the wrong time with illness etc. The other week they were both ill and both had me up hourly or more all night for days. I had an important exam with less than two hours broken sleep the night before and I think failed it, and I don't think the tiredness helped as I just couldn't think or even read the information properly.

I generally function fine even with four or so wake ups a night as long as I get two hours of sleep in between. Last night and tonight eldest just has not slept after 9, she is tossing and turning, squealing, kicking me, asking for water etc. I keep trying to help her get comfy but am starting to get annoyed with them both (as DC2 has started the frequent after midnight wakes now and I've not really slept yet) which is unfair and unhelpful since it's my job to help them learn to sleep unaided.

DC2 will be up at 5.30 and I am at home with them both all day tomorrow and just feel deranged with tiredness. I need to night wean DC2 but find a night when I can bear to lose even the sleep I get it, and the same for helping DC1 sleep alone. She hates being by herself in her room too, and I remember feeling the same as a child and having trouble sleeping.

Help! I feel awful as I've told the eldest of several times for kicking and wriggling but it doesn't help and is wrong as it's ultimately my choice to allow her in bed with me.

to add, DC1's condition is unrelated to snoring. She doesn't have sleep apnea, this has also been looked into

Would your eldest be ok in the same room as you but not in your bed? It sounds like there are other things going on with her so I would understand not going the sleep training route.

For your 1-year-old, do you have a partner or relative or close family friend who could Ferber her for 2-3 nights if you went and slept somewhere else with your eldest? Sounds a bit drastic and like a giant favour to ask of someone, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I recently met a woman who had helped a few relatives and friends sleep train their kids, so although I have no personal experience of it, it sounds like a thing some people do!

I totally understand you being at breaking point with all this. You definitely need some sort of solution.

Do they have their own rooms or are they in together? That might be a solution if you think they need to "know" someone is there.

We (I) did return to bed with my DD and insisted she spent the whole night in her bed, but I went with her. Does she have a large enough bed, or could you put a mattress on the floor next to her?

Today, I'd suggest you put a film on, tell them mummy is so tired because they've been waking you all night and they need to sit and watch quietly whilst you have a snooze next to them.

(Maybe not a film, but tv or something with short episodes)

@UpToMyElbowsInDiapers that's a good suggestion about her perhaps sleeping in same room if not bed. It hasn't worked when we've been away (including a hospital stay when she was in hospital bed and I was on pull out) but I think she could learn.

I think I could take her away for a night possibly if it is a period of time DH is home for nights but feel I should try to night wean her first if she will. I may just start tonight.

Today has been ok, up at 5.20 but went for a long walk, then going out somewhere later, but did need to take a deep breath at DC2 naptime which lasted 20 mins instead of the hoped for/normal 1.5 - 2 hours, meaning that this afternoon she will likely struggle while we're out

I feel like I'm in such a pickle as family say they've never heard of children older than babies waking at night but it's hard to see a way forwards

@HRTQuestions it's a nice idea but 1 year old won't watch tv and I don't think it would be safe yet... definitely when they are older though!

Snoring in a dc that young is very concerning. Is a second opinion possible?

We had to push very, very hard for ds to get his enormous tonsils shaved but the difference was amazing.

Without knowing what your dc’ condition is, it’s hard to advise.

How was the sleep apnea ruled out? I was told that if the overnight oximetry test wasn’t conclusive I should push for a hospital based test instead.

Huge sympathy by the way. Ds was nearly 6 when I finally got to sleep more than a few hours at a time. It’s horrific.