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Relocating

9 replies

DSMumDD123 · 18/04/2022 22:56

So, I've been going round in circles with this and I'm so torn, I'd welcome any insights! Do I relocate us 2 and a half hours drive (140miles) away from where we currently live?

I'm a single Mum to my 11yo DS and 10yo DD. I currently rent a property in Greater London, the rent is horrific (but standard for the area). We've lived in and around this area for our whole lives, we have family and friends nearby. DS is starting secondary this September.

I started a new job this year and for the first time I have the opportunity to work outside of London, which office I choose is up to me and the company pay expenses for travel to whichever office isn't your main one. Mostly I'll be working from home, and when I go into an office is up to me, though it would be lovely to go in once a week with my colleagues, I've only set an aim for our team to meet once a month, alternating which of the two offices we meet at.

The cost of living isn't hitting us as hard as it is a lot of people but I dont have much of a buffer if things continue to rise, bills get paid and if I'm very careful I have a bit leftover to put aside for emergencies, this will likely disappear come October. I would love to purchase our own home and stop renting.

Staying in our current location means accepting it's highly unlikely I will ever buy a house. Moving will mean paying roughly half my current rent and so saving to buy a house within 2/3 years, plus I have no worries about the cost of living impacting us severely.

Moving means I'm closer to the office and have huge flexibility with when I go in, staying put means I'm reliant on support from friends and family (this is incredibly difficult and sometimes impossible to organise).

Moving means changing schools, DS is going to do this in September anyway, but DD will have to move for year 6 then again for year 7. Staying put means they can remain where they are and DS knows which school he's going to in y7 (he's very excited about his new school).

A lot of people I work with live in Leicestershire, and they're all really nice. So I will know people, but not enough to have a support network. Moving is going to be just the three of us for a while as we settle in.

I know my parents want me to stay put, my friends have said the same, though they've all said they see the logic in improving our financial stability and they've said I should do what's right for the three of us, but they'd rather we stayed.

DS & DD have no contact with their father so that's not an issue.

I've discussed the options with the children, discussing the pros and cons, any worries they have, and while they have a preference to stay put they also like the idea of buying a house so we don't have to move again (we've moved three times in the last 4 years due to landlords deciding to sell). They understand that the first house we would move to we would rent, but then we would buy a house in 2/3 years.

If we move I plan to drive down to our current location once a month to visit friends and family.

Our ideal solution would be to buy a house in our current location, but that's not an option.

Do I stay or do I go? If anyone could share experiences/ tips of relocating with children, getting settled etc I'd love to hear them, I've thought myself in circles trying to come to a decision about whether this is a good idea!

OP posts:
fabulous01 · 18/04/2022 23:04

I am in a similar predicament. Probably will have to move due to factors outside of my control but if you subs the solution and answers let me know

NrlySp · 18/04/2022 23:08

In your circumstances I would move.
However have realistic expectations about the visiting every month and staying on contact with people.
I have relocated and one of the surprises was that I didn’t keep closure friends with some of the people I would have expected to. For some people out of sight is out of mind.
Also maybe visit every other month and ask people to come and see you. Otherwise it could become a burden and expectation, rather than a two way thing. Also if your kids are homesick going back to London every month would not be ideal.
As long as Schools in the new area are good it sounds an ideal move.

DSMumDD123 · 19/04/2022 07:54

The monthly trip is more of a target, and it's mostly for my Dad's benefit as he's not well and won't ever come up to visit us. As it currently stands I don't have loads of friends and we tend to see each other once every few months anyway, so I dont see there being a huge change in that. My aunt has already worked out how to visit and I know she will be up every so often as she likes to travel and has friends in the area.

Good point about the children being homesick, DD has come in this morning saying she had a bad dream about moving and missing her friends and she doesn't want to go. It might be better to wait until we're properly settled before we come back to visit.

There are lots of really good schools in the area so I'm reassured that will be fine, I've already shortlisted locations and 2/3 schools of interest in each. I've found a couple that take children from 4 up to 18/19, so if we're near one of those it would be perfect as both children only need to start a new school once!

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BonnesVacances · 19/04/2022 07:57

I'd definitely move. It will provide stability and you can't put a price on that.

GeneLovesJezebel · 19/04/2022 07:58

I’d move and get settled where it’s cheaper for your kids to buy a house in the future too.

GeneLovesJezebel · 19/04/2022 08:00

Are your kids in any clubs, brownies etc, that you can enquire about too ?

NameChangeNameShange · 19/04/2022 08:21

In your circumstances I'd move and a through school sounds like the best option- if it ticks other boxes in terms of what you need.

The clincher for me was "Moving means I'm closer to the office and have huge flexibility with when I go in, staying put means I'm reliant on support from friends and family (this is incredibly difficult and sometimes impossible to organise)." As kids get older this may get worse - I find relying on friends for little ones changes once they go to ECAs independently plus homework. Too young to be left for the evening/overnight but too old to be scooped up and slotted easily into another household.

Can you and the kids take a weekend up to the areas to mooch about ?

DSMumDD123 · 19/04/2022 12:50

Thank you so much everyone for your thoughts, it's really helpful.

DS goes to a football club that's specific to our area, but there are clubs where we would move, he also makes friends really easily, so that's good for him. DD loves trampolining and horse riding, both can be done in the new location and we have a friend of a friend who owns a stables, so that's made DD more positive about the move.

I love the thought that I could be 15mins from home, and my work is very flexible so I could amend my office hours to suit needs at home. I can allow the DC some autonomy whilst not being far away.

We're going to visit the areas of interest in a few weeks time, spend a weekend there checking it out.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 19/04/2022 14:01

I would move, mid to longer term you will all reap the benefits.

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