MN, mind , Samaritans

[Debroglie]

There is no real life support.

Why do you insist that there is?

Is there another adult in the house with you?

My suffering will matter to no one except me.

My private nightmare will play on for ever. No end in sight. Just occasional escape through alcohol.

Yeah dh is here.
Carrying on as normal.
Enjoying his life.

Firstly you need to stop drinking. Alcohol is the worst thing possible for poor mental health.
Then you need to phone 111 and have yourself admitted into hospital where you can receive the help you require.
You also need to be signed off work because schools are shitty places to be at the moment anyway, especially if you are struggling with MH. I’m also a teacher and have been signed off for 4 months now after having a breakdown. I wasn’t suicidal, but I couldn’t cope either. Having the pressure taken off as helped tremendously.

Please please phone for help. This is not who you are meant to be

What does your DH say OP; does he know how you feel tonight, as well as generally?

I have been there. looking fine on the outside but in a desperate place on the inside.

I get why Mumsnet close the threads down but I also hugely sympathise with the fact that actually there isn't much in the way of immediate mental health support. And that Mumsnet chats can really help.

Can’t stop drinking - addicted.

Dh knows but I guess can’t really be bothered. Don’t know really. We don’t talk.

Thanks sweet
I get why they close threads too but I feel like I would like more mentally well people to know how little help there is for ill people.

Some children get abused (quite a lot of children). Some grow into adults who barely function. Who are unable to form healthy supportive relationships with other healthy adults.

We do our best to get on with ‘normal’ lives but we struggle.

There is no help for people like me.

If you had a decent childhood, with parents who were nice to you, you were very lucky.

That’s tough. Would it help to say to DH “I’m having a rough day/time at the moment”. He might not be able to help, but perhaps just acknowledging it between you would open a line of communication and you’ve told someone in RL.

I don’t mean to solutionise as if you could wave a magic wand you’d have done that already. Just chatting 🙂

Thanks vang I appreciate your reply.
Dh knows. I have told him and he can see. I don’t know why he doesn’t help but it’s not because he doesn’t know.

I get it OP.

All of those places, if you try to reach out will immediately make it all about 'are you fit to look after your kids' rather than ever even asking what it is you need so you'll end up more alone & more under attack.
They never actually have any help when you need it.

Have you got anything in your life that is for you other than alcohol?
Anything that could be your happy place like reading a book in peace or some craft you actually want to do, or soaking in the bath/going for a jog?

I know, they might be completely not your thing, but I expect it's been a long time since anyone actually asked you what YOU want or need & that's what you could do with finding.

What did you used to do that you liked?
Could you go back to doing that?

There is support available.
You need to find it.
Alcoholics Anonymous are readily available.
Your GP will be able to signpost you to any relevant help.

Social media is not the place to happen upon help.
Posters on MN can signpost but cannot offer you support. They can listen, suggest, give advice (ie go to your GP) but the cannot give you the support that you clearly need.

I love a glass or three of wine, but, to drink till you pass out , is not right, particularly if you have young children.

I have to go for tonight. I’m just some random on the internet and don’t have any answers but hope you find the support you need - you can and you will somehow. Hope tomorrow goes well, sounds like a houseful! Be kind to yourself

It’s the drink.

The samaritans saved my life. There is real support

It’s definitely the drink.

I’m 12 years sober.

My mum was abusive. She had schizophrenia and was an alcoholic herself. I grew up in the most unimaginable horrors. But I survived and part of my survival was turning to drink as I got older - to blot out the pain and cope. But I wasn’t really coping. I was masking. The bravest thing I ever did was to stop buying drink, stop drinking and throw out all the drink. It wasn’t easy and I still have moments now where life is hard and I think fuck me I want a drink just to forget I exist at times, but I know it doesn’t help me and just makes me more and more depressed.

You have to stop drinking. And if your dh is carrying on like life is fine and not actually realising you feel like this then you need to leave him and start again - I had to do that too. My ex dh was totally disconnected from me - and that was making me feel more miserable.

Only you can change this. Start with pouring the drink down the sink. Seriously.

I phoned a helpline and they were useless. Just kept saying you can phone the helpline to talk over and over. I thought that’s what I’m doing ???
I called the crisis team and they sent 2 mental health nurses out . I was hoping they would take me to a hospital but nothing ever came of it just back to my GP for the usual tablets and counselling with 4 months waiting list. The only support I’ve had is writing a thread on here yesterday and getting some kind replies .
Unfortunately unless you can afford private healthcare it’s pretty rubbish .
I just keep taking the tablets now and hope for the best , and try hard to keep away from alcohol.

Just checking in to see how you are op?