Happy Birthday after being ghosted?

[Flowers888]

Hi ,sorry for weird thread title. I have a friend who has been really quiet with me for a while. I had a phonecall in September when it was my birthday and had a good chat. Bit of contact via WhatsApp and exchanging the odd jokey meme. Late January had a message to say they had been busy and sent me a picture of their latest trip away to a local landmark. Nothing since. Radio silence. If I've messaged it's been left on read (I've only tried one or two times, haven't bombarded them) Messaged to simply say 'Happy Easter' and been left on read again. It's their birthday later this month, would you message or not?

I don't want to message if it's annoying to them, that's the last thing I want. I've always been a kind and loyal friend to them, I have been racking my brains wondering what I've done wrong. I don't want to ask them for fear of appearing needy or weird. They have been a good friend in the past to me too, I really don't want the friendship to end! We live a long distance away so don't see each other in person very often.

I feel like if I message on their birthday and am left on read I will feel an idiot, yet if I don't message, it will also look bad. Just don't know what do!

I would message ‘happy birthday’ then move on. At least then they can’t say ‘Flowers didn’t even wish me happy birthday!’.

You sent a “Happy Easter” and got no reply? No, I wouldn’t text on their birthday.

Very strange though, if you used to be close

Message if you normally would, but accept that how they respond is no reflection on you, but will be everything to do with them and their life right now.

Thank you yes it's very odd.

No I’d not message but tbh, you’ve made enough effort
I’m not sure I’m the greatest person to judge this one considering my last thread on ghosting a friend!!

It's hard isn't it, the not knowing. I'm not saying that I should be privy to all his personal information and current life problems and obviously he's chosen not to share anything with me other that "I'm busy". He was always the person I could talk to and he knew a lot about me.
I don't think I'll try again as it's obvious that he doesn't want to be in touch and I don't want to be 'breadcrumbed' with sporadic funny memes just to keep the line of communication open.

Ah, he’s male. I wondered. Does he have a partner and maybe she was unhappy about the friendship?

Yes sorry I should have said that in the OP, didn't mean to drip feed. He and I have been friends for the best part of 15 years, she's always known about me and me her. Saw her briefly on a video call last May time as she wanted to ask me a couple of questions regarding her work (can't be too specific but my area of expertise is something she needed to ask about) and we had about 20 minutes on there and she seemed nice and we got on ok. Basically since I've helped her his contact has gradually dropped off. She seemed lovely, down to earth, chatty, funny etc. I said to her that if she needed help in future to let me know and she said yes, ok. Perhaps she's said for him not to contact me again, I don't know. Seems odd after I helped her, he's vanished (not saying that to sound conditional, of course he's not tied to a friendship with me just because I helped her out). The coincidence of it is what's getting me.

Perhaps her needing help was just a decoy and wanted to suss me out? I don't know. And why now, after I've been friends with him for years prior?

I'm worried in case she's said something to him which I suspect could have happened hence him withdrawing. I'm no threat to their relationship, I'm married and have 2 DC. We don't live near them, I've not seem my friend face to face for absolutely ages. We've only ever had a platonic friendship, absolutely nothing in any other way.

I’m trying to work out how this is being ghosted, you’ve sent one or two messages which haven’t been replied to since he messaged you with pics of a day out. Feels like an over reaction to me. Message to say happy birthday and then see how things go.

Yes it quite possibly is an overreaction on my part tbh, I just don't know.

I'd just leave it TBH. Has he done it before?

Oh it’s a man

Gosh no I’d not message them again
In fact, block him and find someone more engaging
birthday bastard that he is

Yes, has form for vanishing and re emerging with the odd meme or short message but I've never been left on read this long before

Oh dear. I'm him at the moment. I've got a stack of people to get in touch with but I can't face it. It's ridiculous. I can come in MN but my friends who I care fir very much, I'm finding it very difficult to contact.
Please don't ignore his birthday. You don't know what's happening in his life and it might mean the world to him. Of course it might mean nothing but why take the risk?

I had a friend who stopped trying to contact me and didn't bother about meeting up
I texted saying happy birthday
Really to make it clear it's not my decision to stop contact. I didn't expect anything from it. She replied saying thank you.
It's sad but I feel like I'm pestering if I keep texting saying do you want to meet up when she never replies with yes and then stopped trying to contact me

I think you get to the point of thinking why do I bother! I texted Happy Birthday, received a thank you and nothing else so I've not messaged again and I won't be in future unless I hear first.

Just say "Happy Birthday" on social media, or send a card. Some people go silent when they are depressed or going through a tough time. I do. It is almost impossible to communicate even slightly with other people, especially ones I feel close to. I think I'm scared I'll unburden myself on them and have a horror of doing that. it can be easier to communicate with people you barely know. May not be this but if it is, saying happy Birthday would be kind and if it isn't, you;re hardly over-extending yourself by just sending a greeting.