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Original poster

When did your teenagers stop going on holiday with you?

38 replies

Maltester71 · 16/04/2022 17:03

I have two kids who will be 17 and 13 by this coming summer. They get on really well and I’d say they are very close. The older one is a bit emotionally immature for her age, the younger one very mature. So they kind of meet in the middle.

Just returned from a long awaited two week long-haul trip abroad which was their choice. They got on well, had their own rooms, so own space.

We had a villa with a pool. My 17 year old despite this spent most of the time indoors scrolling Instagram/Twitter and talking/texting her friends. I should add that she has always struggled to fit in socially, and now has a group of friends and people she knows via a hobby, so she enjoys having more peers to chat to, I’m pleased about that, however some of these people are on a Twitter group related to her hobby, so it does appear she’s spent most of the last fortnight interacting with strangers!

Younger one was very disappointed that older one was not joining her in the pool. It was a very expensive holiday that both kids wanted and tbh very annoying when my elder child could equally have been at home in their bedroom. They also complained they ‘didn’t get a tan’ despite staying indoors 🙄

I kind of feel stuck between stages. My youngest wants and enjoys being on holiday, likes spending time with her sibling. My eldest wants to hang out with friends but also loves being with family for short periods.

We always holidayed for 2-3 weeks when they were younger. We’ve cut this down to a week at a time now, as it’s obvious that they are always keen to get back to friends after that time.

My elder daughter says she may not want to come next year, however I really think she has the impression that we will start paying for her to holiday with friends. She has a part time job but tends to spend what she earns on her hobby. She has a vague notion about going on holiday with friends but no mention of saving up to pay for it, and clueless about costs.

I’ve considered taking a friend for my younger daughter, but the dramas of female friendships at this stage are many, and I know there would be fall outs on holiday, as well as an amount of deliberately being cheeky to show off. Not my idea of a break!

Not sure where to go from here. Can anyone relate? What did you do? City breaks are an option but we’ve already done a few of those (Paris, Venice, Berlin, Siena, New York, Nice, Amsterdam, Seville - all done) and they aren’t relaxing breaks. We both work hard and need a bit of relaxation.

Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
MrsDThomas · 16/04/2022 17:07

My 20 yr old came with us in January. Because its a freebie!

Chickydoo · 16/04/2022 17:08

My 20 somethings still holiday with us as it's free for them..... must do something about that....costs a fortune!

Cinders15 · 16/04/2022 17:09

My 24 year old came with us - just got back
Her friend came with her - cheap holiday for both! 🙈

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17 years old Families
Original poster
Maltester71 · 16/04/2022 17:09

I’d snatch my own hand off for a freebie!

I think my elder daughter would be shocked if we simply booked a holiday without her. She might well find her friends are busy doing other things that week and she sits at home alone while we go to the Amalfi coast.

Or maybe that’s exactly what she wants!

OP posts:
orangeisthenewpuce · 16/04/2022 17:10

When they went into 6th form they started going away with their friends. Not paid for by me btw. Their choice to do that, they worked to afford it.

Original poster
Maltester71 · 16/04/2022 17:16

Yes and I think that’s what my daughter needs to understand.

She has quite a good part time job but spends a lot of that on her hobby, which is watching sport. She tends to pay for the ticket and we often give her the train fare. It’s quite an expense.

We have saved up for her to have a car, we will be paying for driving lessons. I don’t think she has a real idea of what things cost.

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Abraxan · 16/04/2022 17:18

Dd is 20y and we've been planning a couple of holidays with her this year just today. She also goes away with friends, and we have started to go away without her too.

She loves holidays, and when away with us gets to go further afield and stay in different types of places than she'd do when she goes with friends. And we pay for her, so it's a freebie for her too - what's not to like, lol.

AntarcticTern · 16/04/2022 17:20

I have teens, oldest is 16, I'd expect them to be coming in holiday with us for a few years yet.

MarshaBradyo · 16/04/2022 17:22

Ds is 17 and still likes to holiday with us but goes away nearly every break with friends too

rahjama · 16/04/2022 17:26

I have a similar age gap. Oldest stopped coming on holiday with us at 18 to start travelling with her boyfriend (which they paid for) and we started taking a friend for the younger one.
We never paid a penny towards their holidays - why would we?

Original poster
Maltester71 · 16/04/2022 17:29

This is making me feel a bit more confident to say, yes, fine, you’ll be paying for that yourself!

OP posts:
Abraxan · 16/04/2022 17:36

To be fair, for balance on the thread, we do give dd money towards holidays with friends. She's at university, and we give her an allowance for that, and her course makes working much more difficult. In the summer we prefer her to, and can afford for her to, get relevant work experience that will hopefully put her in a better position when applying for jobs after her course finishes. We have a rough idea (me and dh, actually shared with dd, and much cheaper than if she was coming away with us on one of our holidays) of how much contribution we allow for her to go away with friends, and this may come via birthday/Christmas money or a 'hand out' at the time. It's never asked for though and she does make plans based on her monthly allowance and savings. She is very good at finding great bargains for her solo trips away with friends too which helps.

AntarcticTern · 16/04/2022 17:39

Yes I agree - we haven't reached that stage yet but I'd be happy to give my DC some money towards going on holiday with their friends.

MarriedThreeChildren · 16/04/2022 17:40

I’ve being going on hols with my parents for ever and still do Grin
My dcs are late teens (17 and 19yo). Still happy to go and spend time as a family.

I think with teenagers, if you sort of do the same thing than at home (aka staying in a house), it’s hard to take them off devices, even with a pool etc…
It works better if you go and do some activities together iyswim.

EileenGC · 16/04/2022 17:42

I stopped at 16. Similar age gap with younger sister. I haven’t been on a family holiday since although I’ll sometimes fly over and join for a few days. Holidays tend to be in random relatives’ countries of residence though Grin

I’ve holidayed with friends ever since but never asked for one penny towards that. My decision to go on holiday with my friends, my responsibility to pay for it.

MarriedThreeChildren · 16/04/2022 17:43

Btw, it’s nit because your dcs are going away on hols with their friends that they can’t also come to have a hols with you, as parents.

I don’t expect my 19yo to spend all his hols with us. I mean that wouldn’t actually be healthy! But a week away, long weekend etc… are also ok.

Original poster
Maltester71 · 16/04/2022 17:45

The holiday we’ve just returned from was definitely one with exciting activities built in.

She was glued to her phone chatting to friends during those, too.

There was a significant time difference, she mainly spoke to us after her friends had gone to bed. Though a ‘friend of a friend’ was in the same country as us, so she’d talk to her as well!

OP posts:
Dairymilk50 · 16/04/2022 17:46

I don't think that age gap is too bad. Where did you go on holiday? Perhaps it's the fact that it was a villa?

TUI have loads of hotels with teen hang out areas, they offer family trips and a lot of TUI hotels put on pool actives too throughout the day.

Original poster
Maltester71 · 16/04/2022 17:49

We went to San Francisco and florida. At their request. Did all the theme parks, pretty much at Elder daughters request

OP posts:
Roundeartheratchriatmas · 16/04/2022 17:50

My parents never offered after I was 16. They also lost interest in going overseas for themselves too and preferred to go away for short breaks in the UK.

BungleandGeorge · 16/04/2022 17:52

How old is your youngest? I think sixth form age is tricky but once they’ve moved out or gone to uni they start appreciating the free family holiday again!
Have you thought about the Far East and doing a split city and beach break?

Oblomov22 · 16/04/2022 17:57

Maybe shorter, like a week? Just got back from a week all inclusive in Majorca with 18 and 13. They should be grateful of the break abroad after covid, right? I was! Oldest went off quite a bit, running etc, but sunbathed by pool and watched football and went for walks, and we ate every breakfast lunch and dinner together.

mamaduckbone · 16/04/2022 17:57

I've been wondering the same thing. My ds1 is 16 and ds2 is 12 - I have no particular interest in taking a friend for ds2 (think it just changes the family dynamic too much - I'd do it for a weekend but not a whole week) but he will be sad when his brother no longer wants to come with us.

Tbh I'd have been really cross with ds1 if I had paid for an expensive long-haul family trip and he didn't interact. That's a lot of money wasted. We just did a short break in the Peak District and he came walking, played card games with his brother etc. He 'gets' that holiday time is family time, although I can see him opting out of U.K. breaks quite soon. I very much doubt he'll turn down a free holiday abroad for a good while yet though.

Original poster
Maltester71 · 16/04/2022 17:58

The youngest is almost 13. The trip we’ve just returned from was a split city break and Florida with private pool and full access to all the park (including v expensive fast passes). I can’t think it gets more exciting (especially as we were due to go to Asia but gave them the choice).

Neither seem keen on Asia.

OP posts:
Original poster
Maltester71 · 16/04/2022 18:00

I am actually a bit cross but don’t know if Aibu

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