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Original poster

If you ever had an affair or your partner did, what was the outcome ?

14 replies

LovelyYellowLabrador · 15/04/2022 08:30

Just thinking I bet slot of people are tempted by this option, and I’m also thinking about friends Particually one that had an affair with her boss, we all told her to forget him and that he’d never leave
Yet he did and they are still together many years later
Although there’s a few issues with the kids as they both had kids, but overall seems to have worked out

OP posts:

Waxonwaxoff0 · 15/04/2022 08:38

Not me but a family member's husband did. She tried to make it work for 2 years but couldn't move past it. They split up in the end. No kids together though.

OrlandointheWilderness · 15/04/2022 08:47

My XH did. Devastating fall out, we divorced and it took me about 8 years to get over it. I was only 20, we'd only been married a few months.

OrlandointheWilderness · 15/04/2022 08:48

Oh i know they got married and had kids but I don't know if they are still together.

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Relationship problems

Spitescreen · 15/04/2022 08:50

Of the people I know who have had affairs, one divorced his wife, married his affair partner, and ten years on they seem very happy. His ex has also remarried, and good relations were eventually resumed with their adult children.

Another divorced his wife after his affair partner ended things, was single for a couple of years, and is now in a serious relationship with someone new. His ex is single but I think happier than when they were married.

The two female friends I’m closest to who’ve had affairs are still married to men they love and the affairs undiscovered (though I suspect implicitly known by spouse in one case.) It seems fairly clear to me that these affairs were to make their marriages bearable — one of the marriages has been celibate for a decade at the husband’s instigation, and he refuses to discuss it or try counselling, but she loves him and wants to stay.

Kezzie200 · 15/04/2022 08:51

Almost everyone I know has split and the new, affair, relationships have worked.

There was one which was a bit bunny boilerish, his wife forgave him and stayed with him, but insisted they moved. Which they did and are still going strong.

betrayedandwobbly · 15/04/2022 08:59

XH did.

It was the most devastating period of my life

AFAIK the OW dumped him instantly, and I ended things shortly after his lies (just an emotional affair) fell apart. I felt physically ill for about a week, first 48 hours a blur.

I don't know if he really believed the version of our marriage he told himself to justify the affair, I still don't quite believe how selfish a liar he was for so long, and still feel stupid that I was taken in.
The OW was someone I counted as a close friend. That has cast a long shadow as well, as I am no longer trustful of anyone and just think I have 'mug' written all over me.

AFAIK he's not in a relationship. We are on civilised, even friendly terms (we have DC) and do see each other because of that.

I don't see that I'll ever be ready to trust someone again. And as I don't do casual/FWB well (I catch inconvenient feelings) then I'm pretty much resigned to still being a shadow of my former self. I'm not sure passage of time will help, as it's been nearly 10 years now

ChiselandBits · 15/04/2022 09:00

I did, pre kids. Messy and unpleasant but arguably 'worth it' as I married om. Then he cheated on me (post kids) and is now married to ow. It's not fine, kids hate it, years later they still wish we were together. His guilt or whatever stops him being amicable and friendly at handovers and is an arse about money. I think people are far too glib about it being 'fine in the end'. Especially when kids are involved it's devastating. Maybe take a peep at a couple of 'he's left me out of the blue' threads on relationships.

OldTinHat · 15/04/2022 09:05

Two marriages, two affairs, two divorces.

Happily single now!

TheFormidableMrsC · 15/04/2022 09:06

My now ex-h had an affair and left for OW. Quite possibly the most horrendous experience I've ever had. OW was and is toxic, together they set out to absolutely destroy me and almost succeeded. It's taken me years to recover and I ended up with cancer which I have no doubt the relentless stress contributed to.

As far as I know they are still together but she persuaded him to give up our son who was 2 when he left and he now has no contact and she has a prohibited steps order against her. They destroyed the entire family with their behaviour and I don't think I'll ever come to terms with that.

Mumoblue · 15/04/2022 09:10

My ex had an emotional affair (it was online due to distance). I tried to save the relationship with therapy but quickly realised that wasn’t going to happen. Relationships are nothing without trust, so I broke up with him.
His affair partner lost interest as soon as I dumped him.

I think affairs are always not worth it. If you’re that unhappy, break up.

Happygirl79 · 15/04/2022 09:15

Ex H had affair
Resulted in a divorce thank God. He did the same to his next wife

itsgettingweird · 15/04/2022 09:35

My XP had an affair.

I found out and told him never to come home again.

Not an easy decision as I lived abroad at the time and ds was 1 yo. It's not been easy raising a disabled child alone for over 16 years but I wasn't going to stay with someone who had so little respect for me he could sleep with someone else on a ONS whilst I was at home caring for our baby.

itsgettingweird · 15/04/2022 09:36

Sorry should have said a ONS - not an affair.

ChocolateRiver · 15/04/2022 09:46

My mum and dad both had affairs. It was terrible. My dads affairs were when I was younger, my mum stayed but they never got on well really - lots of arguing, my dad has a temper. My mum had an affair when I was a teenager. That ended the marriage and she moved me in with the OM. My brother stayed with my dad. This has caused all kinds of abandonment issues with my brother and I don’t have a relationship with my dad. Mum and the OM got married and had another baby. 10 years later he had an affair and their marriage ended in divorce too. My dad has been married twice more since my mum, he’s still married to his latest wife AKAIK.

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