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Original poster

Do you have an increasing list of people you don't want to be friends with?

13 replies

OctopusSay · 14/04/2022 12:54

I have quite a wide circle, but it takes a long time for me to move people to friend status. Recently I've found that whilst I'll be pleasant to people when I meet them, I'm not interested in being actual friends. Often it's for one very small reason:

  • person 1 never, ever buys the coffees , but is happy to let people buy them one. Perfectly good company in every other way.
  • person 2 kind and good fun, but drives after several drinks
  • person 3 usually very pleasant, but has an edge and can turn. Has never done it to me, but I've no intention of letting them
  • person 4 the kind of person we need, a good organiser, makes things happen, but there's no room for any discussion. It's their way or no way.
  • person 5, let me down once a really long time ago
  • person 6 really very pleasant face to face, but shares some horrible stuff on line - proably after a drink
  • person 7 is just too smiley. I just don't think it's possible to be that nice all the time, I don't trust it Grin

I'm not sure whether I'm unreasonably demanding/unforgiving or have finally found some standards Grin

OP posts:
NeedleNoodle3 · 14/04/2022 13:08

Person 1 - is married but flirts with other men when we went out so ditched her
Person 2 - absolutely obsessed with talking about their DC’s education, results, what board what exam is on etc.

EmmaH2022 · 14/04/2022 13:15

OP "person 4 the kind of person we need, a good organiser, makes things happen, but there's no room for any discussion. It's their way or no way. "

Maybe that's because it's quicker and easier and no one else offered to organise anything, so it might as well be "my way or the highway" or it's just a pain.

I'd avoid 2 and 3 like the plague.

beattieedny · 14/04/2022 13:17

I don't think I even know that many people tbh

Bluebellberry · 14/04/2022 13:41

You have this many people trying to befriend you? What’s your secret?!

Original poster
OctopusSay · 14/04/2022 13:45

I belong to lots of groups. I don't expect for a minute they want to be friends any more than I do, they're just people I know. Sometimes, eventually, one of them becomes a friend.

OP posts:
Frenziedandfurious · 14/04/2022 13:51

I'm a person 4. And I'm very explicit that I can't tolerate flakiness, you either plan and commit or we won't be friends! I've tried to be "laid back" but because of my ADHD I don't cope without structure. I think the fact I'm able to be such an effective planner even with ADHD is an asset.

chisanunian · 14/04/2022 13:58

Not really, I have already ditched all the shitheads from my life.

EmmaH2022 · 14/04/2022 14:06

@Frenziedandfurious

I'm a person 4. And I'm very explicit that I can't tolerate flakiness, you either plan and commit or we won't be friends! I've tried to be "laid back" but because of my ADHD I don't cope without structure. I think the fact I'm able to be such an effective planner even with ADHD is an asset.
We could be friends Smile

I learned quickly that organising makes people see you as the provider of their wants.

So I began to say, if anyone wants to see this show, this date, this time,
I will book and get us the discount. Meet at x place.

Imagine going back and forth with dates etc. be like a work meeting!

Frenziedandfurious · 14/04/2022 14:11

Yep I now tend to go on a WhatsApp group or whatever "we're doing x on this date and time, see you at x place if you want to join".

Unless it's just with one friend I don't book tickets for people anymore I just post the link.

I've noticed since I started pulling back from being the organiser with certain people i just very rarely see them but I got sick of doing all the leg work.

2Rebecca · 14/04/2022 14:17

I don't really rule people out as friends in that way as I have limited time for socialising. I suppose I only choose to spend a lot of time with people I like and who are reliable. I think most people are like that though unless you are a people pleaser who gets anxious if everyone isn't a friend

SpringLobelia · 14/04/2022 14:23

I confess I am very shy in real life and do not have many friends because I assume people do not like me. I am much more socially active via MN!

It is pretty unusual for me to ditch a friendship. I think maybe 2-3 times that I can immediately recall.

  1. came onto my DH and sent me an e-mail telling me they had slept together-except that the time she gave me DH and I were in Paris togther. (She has a history of fantasism and other MH issues which I knew and was actually trying to support her through)
  1. Only contacted me if she wanted money or a place to stay.
  1. One of DH's friends who after 18 years of being treated quite badly told me once that as far as he was concerned I was only the second wife and therefore not a proper wife to my DH in the eyes of God.

This is literally the only time in my 49 years I can think that i have jettisoned people who made claims upon me as 'friends'.

lemongreentea · 14/04/2022 14:29

Person 7 sounds ok to me

Everyone else ditch.

Mine are:

Person a, always down and negative

Person b, jealous and insecure

Person c, can never ever commit to plans and will cancel last minute if she has better plans.

Person d, on her phone constantly while we are together. I find her the least annoying of these people though

Person e tight as they come but thinks they are generous. Is generous with my money/time/food/home. This one annoys me the most.

Mintlegs · 14/04/2022 15:05

I’m sure most people could recognise some elements of their own personalities in some of the people you have suggested (I know I can). But there are levels of behaviour. Your friends op must be amazing

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