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Original poster

Five and half relationship

21 replies

Vintagechic72 · 13/04/2022 14:32

In a 5.5yr relationship. I had a stressful move last year back living with the parents temporarily and he made no suggestion of me moving in with him - we are both in our 50s. In those years of being together we have broken up in the early days of the relationship for a couple of days (I did the breaking up) then we got back together. Since 2019 we have had no sex, no intimacy to be honest, we don't touch/cuddle in bed and I only see him twice a week as he is paranoid that people think I have moved in with him if I stay more than two nights at his house which is a council house. If we go away, he turns on the hotel bedroom TV for sport, it's sport everything; he doesn't like his routine upset if I suggest out of the blue I will stay over; he gets irked. He has to get up early around 5am and has to be in bed early as 745/8pm so we don’t go out in the evenings and he also has health issues that he doesn't want to sort out which are related to drink. To be honest I am drained of this relationship, tried talking to him but he brushed it off, my 50th I went away on my own as he couldn't get time off which he could of easily have done. His weekends are for sport so can't stay with him and our 5yr anniversary he went to bed early, no sex and left the hotel room to go to work instead of getting somewhere to cover his shift which he can also have done. When I do stay at his, its about two hours before he goes to bed and all together I only spend 8 times seeing him in a month. I'm not that unattractive and have always looked after myself but this is seriously now taking a toll on my health and no idea what to do as this is definitely not normal. Any advice appreciated

OP posts:

Tickledtrout · 13/04/2022 14:37

End the relationship?

Aniita · 13/04/2022 14:39

Surely you end the relationship? Is there a reason you don't think that is a good idea?

ElenaSt · 13/04/2022 14:44

He’s not the greatest catch is he?

Imagine you were selling him on eBay. I doling you’d be able to give him away.

He won’t change no matter how long you hold on hoping he will.

Set yourself free and find someone loving and fun.

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ElenaSt · 13/04/2022 14:45

Doubt ^^^^^

Original poster

Vintagechic72 · 13/04/2022 15:14

I suppose the longer you are in a relationship its harder, but definitely feel void, no respect and need to end but know he won't take it well it from the previous break ups

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 13/04/2022 15:18

Why on earth are you staying with this man? He's awful! There's absolutely no advantage to you in being with him.

TheSparkling · 13/04/2022 15:19

@Vintagechic72

I suppose the longer you are in a relationship its harder, but definitely feel void, no respect and need to end but know he won't take it well it from the previous break ups

Whether he takes it well or not is not your problem at the end of the day.

He's either mature enough to deal with the relationship ending or he isn't and that in itself tells you that you have made the right choice.

nearlyspringyay · 13/04/2022 15:20

End it?

ElenaSt · 13/04/2022 15:23

Why do you think that you deserve to be in a miserable relationship?

You only have one life and each passing day is being wasted whilst you are in a relationship with this man.

You might feel nervous after you split up and perhaps even feel lonely for a short time but you’ll be free.

Free to meet new people and have new opportunities to meet someone who enriches your life and brings you joy, love, passion and respect.

RampantIvy · 13/04/2022 15:27

Why are you with someone who clearly doesn't value you?

Original poster

Vintagechic72 · 13/04/2022 16:27

Ta for the feedback, think it's time to ditch him

OP posts:

Pixiedust1234 · 13/04/2022 17:06

I can't work out why he is with you. Normally men like this keep the woman around for mostly sex. You say it doesn't happen. For cleaning of his house? Nope. Cooking his dinners? Nope. Paying for meals/drinks out. Nope.

Are you lending him money for rent or bills?

As to why you keep him around. Absolutely no clue. Do you actually know why?

Dump him and run. Do not look back. Five years is a long time but be grateful you have seperate houses and finances. You can do this

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 13/04/2022 17:08

Move on. Being single is better than this.

BonesJones · 13/04/2022 17:11

Yeah walk away from that shit, I'd say! Sounds crap! Don't worry baputnhow hell take it, you won't be there to see it anyway. Just make sure you don't get dragged back in or that it becomes a long drawn out affair. One decent conversation, be gentle but firm and then walk away, no responding to texts etc after that. You deserve so much more than this.

ButtockUp · 13/04/2022 17:17

This doesn't sound like the relationship that you signed up for.
I'd be looking for something far more compatible to what you desire.

It's his problem if he can't deal with the break up, not your's.

gamerchick · 13/04/2022 17:33

You're not tied to him in anyway. You know what to do OP. Why let the opportunity of finding someone who makes you happy pass you by?

merryhouse · 13/04/2022 17:43

You don't have sex - or even touch. You don't go anywhere together. You don't do anything together. You barely visit each other.

It's a good thing you said you were in your 50s because it sounds like the sort of "relationship" a couple of my friends had when we were twelve. The only reason it exists is because you want to "have a boyfriend/girlfriend".

He doesn't have to take it well. (I mean, obviously you don't to have to deal with a crazed stalker but he doesn't sound the type.) Once you've said the magic words he is no longer your problem.

merryhouse · 13/04/2022 17:44

(missing word there - don't WANT to have to)

Original poster

Vintagechic72 · 14/04/2022 19:23

Making the move to walk away; life is short and after 5.5 yrs if he doesn't want any form of commitment either moving in or engagement to discuss long term plans/goals whatever then I will have to bite the bullet and say enough is enough its more or less like best friends than a partner, going away away for my 50th the day after on on my own and the disaster 5 Yr night away - I actually don't want to have another relationship after this, personally think it's better being single. After when I got back from going away on my own, I called over to his usual sports on TV - Sunday and he said I'm not used to having humans around- I'm your fing partner he was irked and went off to bed so I slept on the couch crying. Thanks for the input from messages, yes I need to be strong and just call this off now.

OP posts:

britneyisfree · 14/04/2022 23:36

If you don't want to break up with him just stop going round. Not much to it really sounds shitty.

Threetulips · 15/04/2022 00:03

I’m not surprised you’re drained. Every sentence you write is about him! He feels, he says, he wants

What do you want? What do you need? Because e you aren’t getting anything here .

There’s nothing to lose. So what if he takes it badly? That’s down to him lack of effort.

You reap what you sow.

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