Hi- name changed because I don't want any other things I post about to be linked- this is a one time discussion.
Earlier today my DD had a teams appointment with CAMHS. She has a neurological condition and lots and lots of anxiety and teen angst. She's 15.
I do so so much for my DD. Her condition is so variable and it's round the clock. She can be fully dependent on me or semi dependant. I cannot work due to her needs being so high. I haven't been able to for years. That's not said resentfully. That's just the situation as it is. I cannot plan anything, do anything without four or five "what if" plans. Our other children have had to get used to having things cancelled or altered all the time. DH and I have had to get used to having no date nights and very little uninterrupted alone time.
But during this CAMHS appointment I could hear her talking. She moved to sit on the stairs and I was in the bath. I don't know if that was deliberate or if she just didn't think. She comes to sit on the stairs if she's getting overheated. She can't really regulate her temperature and that's the cold spot in the house. But I could hear her saying so much bullshit about me! She was telling a consultant psychiatrist that I send her nasty text messages every night, that I ignore her begging for drinks or the toilet, that I'm actively trying to prevent her from meeting her friends and her girlfriend and that I don't accept her sexuality. She said I leave her out of things and that I make sure to tell her every day that my life is ruined because of her.
I have never done any of this!! Never! I've asked her to wait for snacks because I'm busy with something else. I always give her a flask of tea in the morning, fresh water, she's always got squash, usually got lemonade. I will drop anything I'm doing if she needs help with the loo (unless what I'm doing is tending an injury on one of my other children, but that's not happened yet!). I've asked her to arrange different times to meet friends because I have plans that can't be shifted to accommodate (drs appointments and extra curricular for her siblings etc). I supported her when she said she was gay. I help her choose gifts for her girlfriend! I've never questioned or made her feel it's anything huge, it's just accepted as a normal and valid choice in our house. Perhaps she wanted the fireworks and the big showdown that her girlfriend got? And I have never ever left her out of anything but she does have the option to excuse herself due to her condition, which she sometimes does and then gets cross that the entire activity didn't cease because she didn't want to take part. That's 100% her choice. And I have never sent her a nasty text or made comment about my life being ruined because of her. She asked me recently if I missed work and I said "sometimes. I'm happy studying at home though." She went all dark and moody and started furiously texting to her friend who is similarly dark and moody and hates her parents.
Wtf?? Why is she saying this? I take her to her friends or to wherever she's planned to be 95% of the time, AND I have to be available by phone and have no other plans while she socialises in case she needs me to collect her. I get that it's awful to have to live with a condition that flipped your life on its head, but why tell lies about the person who is caring for you?