Hate my job but it works for our family

[onlywork55]

Just wondering if anyone else is in / has been in this position. And what you did about it. It feels like a very first world problem.

I have a job I don't enjoy. The work is boring and it is like herding cats most of the time. Lots of working with difficult colleagues who are a bit passive aggressive and rude. It doesn't really play to my strengths so I often feel really useless.

However, I have a great deal. I am on a pretty good salary - much better than I think I could get elsewhere - purely because I've been with the organisation a long time. I only work 3 days a week. My immediate line manager and colleagues are nice. My annual leave allowance is 30 days a year which is much better than others I know. The employer pension is really good.

I have two young DC and the work/life balance is brilliant. We can't afford for me to give up work (I would love to be a SAHM) so part time is the next best thing. And I would never find something as good a deal as this if I left.

On my working days (today was one) I'm miserable. But everything else in my life is great so the rest of the time I'm happy.

So do I:

A. Accept it is called "work" for a reason, stay put and accept the trade offs are worth it
B. Look for something better (no guarantees it actually would be better but worth a shot) but accept it would either be less money or more hours, neither of which I really want
C. Secret option C (not sure what this is)

Carry on and keep looking for something with a similar package, but accept this could take time.

Your job sounds good in terms of the pay and conditions. Also although it’s boring, if it’s not stressful that’s worth something too.

Look at the problems in the job - passive/aggressive colleagues as a challenge. What can you do to change it??

Could you study towards something whilst in the job so you’d be in a position to find something that plays to your strengths in year or two?

OP I did this for 25 years. To start off with I did it because it was close to home and fitted in with childcare. I hated it all the time the kids were little and by the time they were older I had passively accepted it in the belief there was no other option. I couldn't really imagine an alternative because little by little I became ground down by it.

Sorry to be so negative. It did make sense for a while and life would have been harder if I had had to commute for a better job when the children were very young. However, I think it's really important to keep reminding yourself what you are capable of and to try to push yourself into something else as soon as you can, either when the kids are at school or if there is any way that your partner could change his work/be more flexible so that you are both compromising rather than just you.

Sorry, meant to add that I have just started my dream job at the age of 60 so it's never too late and I guess it was good to be close to home when the kids were growing up. But I was fairly miserable at work for 25 years because I thought I had no choice. Try to avoid that OP!

I've did this when DC were in primary, it felt like a worth while pay off-3 miserable days for the rest of the week and weekend with my family. DC are now teens, I have no regrets at all and I'm now ready to move onto something else knowing I had quality time with them when they were little.

Start looking, but don't accept less than you are on, or a working pattern you don't want. There are lots of jobs out there, and the perfect time to be looking is when you want to move but don't have to. And I can guarantee you that your current employer isn't going to be paying a long stayer over the odds, its always the other way round.

I could have written exactly the same post my job is great for the family but leaves me feeling at best useless and at low points in tears in frustration.

I have decided to look for something else knowing that it may take time to find the right thing but just having made that decision I feel better.

Having spoken to a couple of recruiters it seems the market is picking up and employers are much more open to flexible/hybrid working post covid.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed

Also although it’s boring, if it’s not stressful that’s worth something too.

Hmmm, I'd say it is quite stressful though - my manager and direct team are fine but the constant negativity from the wider group of people I work with is rubbish. It's not on a par with jobs where you're making life changing decisions or anything but it does grind me down.

I'm in a very similar position OP. Except the I believe my job is slightly underpaid and I can sometimes be quite stressed. I work 3 days a week/ great pension/ great holidays/WFH 2 out of 3 days/they are happy for me to pick my oldest up from school in work time.
I don't plan to be like this forever but I do think for now it just works. I feel I would just be stressed in a different way if I changed jobs now. I love spending most of my time with my DC whilst they are still so young. I think once both are in school I will start to look or do some more qualifications.

I am in your position OP almost exactly. 4 days a week, amazing salary, fully flexible, lovely boss etc. but the job is not great.

I've decided to stay until DC out of primary. DD is priority - not work right now.

My mum did this OP. She worked in a boring job that she didn't enjoy while me and my brother were at primary school, because it was school hours only.

When my brother and I were both at secondary school - old enough to let ourselves in and stay on our own for an hour or two - she got a job doing something she enjoyed. I remember the massive difference and how much happier she was.

I think my mum felt that she had no choice, because they couldn't afford for her to stay at home, they had no family childcare, and wraparound care was less common then than it is now. But you do have a choice!

So I guess I'm saying you should make the change! But look around for a while first - there's no rush, you can try and find the right hours, even if you have to take a pay cut to achieve that.

Are you me?!

Same situation here. I'd be mad to give up what I have but often don't like it!
Will say that a couple changes of personnel within the wider team has made it more positive recently though so it could improve. Are there any options to transfer internally to a more positive team?

B it isn’t working for your family if you’re not happy

B doesn’t have to be worse. You wait until you find a b that matches the things you like about a

It's a mistake to think that convenient mum jobs are less stressful.

The job I did while DCs were little was low paid and below my skills level but actually very stressful because of the people I worked with. Also, not being appreciated, not having control and not being proud of your work is stressful in itself.

The job I have now is much higher paid and higher status but less stressful. It is one of the traps you fall into when you take on 'easy' work that fits into family life. You can find yourself thinking that if you find 'easy' work stressful you wouldn't be capable of something more high powered. Don't do your mum job for too long OP, or if you do never convince yourself that you are not capable of something better.

Also, not being appreciated, not having control and not being proud of your work is stressful in itself.

Oh yes this is very true!

Bit of a mixed response so far. Problem is I change my mind all the time - on my working days I think this can't possibly carry on, I have to look for something better. On my non working days I think I can stick it out and it's worth it.

I think this is probably a very common situation for women with children, seems there are a few of us on this thread in the same boat!