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Original poster

What small things did your parents do right?

71 replies

Pluvia · 12/04/2022 14:09

Rather than focussing on the negatives, what little things did your parents get right when they were raising you?

Mine instilled a sense of curiosity in me. They took the line that there was no excuse for being bored — and as a result I've never been bored. There is always something to see, do, think about, find out about, no matter how small.

OP posts:
1Micem0use · 12/04/2022 17:50

Whilst my childhood was hugely abusive, one thing I'll be forever grateful for is that a love of reading was instilled. Regular trips to the library and charity shops for books.

Ragwort · 12/04/2022 19:49

I can identify with the 'NO TVS ALLOWED IN THE BEDROOM', during the last lockdown I decided to put a tv in my bedroom ... I still felt embarrassed and guilty and I was 62 !!

Onionpatch · 12/04/2022 19:50

Really valued my contribution to decisions/discussions

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Blackmagicqueen · 12/04/2022 19:55

They instilled good manners, honesty, morality, resilience and kindness. They also gave me choice growing up where possible.
They have also driven me bonkers and still do but I love them dearly and worry for them as they age.

Wintersonata · 12/04/2022 19:55

Refused to let me give up piano.
I’ll be grateful to them for that forever.

Leggingslife · 12/04/2022 20:00

Let me be. Did my own thing.
Let me read anything.
Never told me what to wear or how I should look.
Unwaivering support. If I pick up the phone, my mum will always be there no matter what.

yearisdone51 · 12/04/2022 20:00

Prioritised education, hobbies, travel, and socialising over doing chores.

They made sure that I knew that I had a whole lifetime of responsibility ahead of me and that I should try to enjoy being young and carefree for as long as possible.

Svara · 12/04/2022 20:04

Treated me the same as any other teenager despite an autism diagnosis. In fact, I had more freedom than some of my friends.

Gormless · 12/04/2022 20:19

This is a lovely thread.

Mine never let me go out to an exam or test without saying ‘just do your best; there’s nothing more we could ask than that’.

Never forced me to eat food I didn’t like or want.

Let me ‘be’: I was a shy, quiet kid who was never happier than reading or watching tv. School taught me how to be sociable when I had to be; home was a refuge. I realise now just how precious that was.

worriedatthistime · 12/04/2022 20:22

When i moved out dad said remember you always have a home with us , so always made us feel wanted , loved and supported and that they are always there for us

worriedatthistime · 12/04/2022 20:25

Yes and always said just do your best thats all you can do

WhereHasSpringSprungTo · 12/04/2022 20:27

Taught me to rely on no one.
Stand up for myself and take shit from no one

heyyellowyellow · 12/04/2022 20:30

Lots of things but one I'd highlight is the importance of having a holiday. Doesn't have to be fancy, a tent in a campsite 30 minutes from home is as much a holiday as somewhere further afield. It's all about taking a break from normal routines and having a sense of shared adventure (and often hilarious mishaps). Very grateful to them for that and it's one I'm hopefully passing on to my son.

hapagirl · 12/04/2022 20:30

Got me every nationality I was eligible for at birth (3). Considering they are rubbish at any sort of admin it was quite a feat.

Ragwort · 12/04/2022 20:31

I can recall a situation where I broke the law and was (rightly) sent to court and fined ... my DPs didn't condone what I had done but sent me a bouquet to arrive when I got home from court with a really loving message. They also supported my DB when he had to go to court over an offence... looking back I am sure they were disappointed at both situations but they showed us that they loved and supported us.

Promise we are not really a family of criminals !

Ragwort · 12/04/2022 20:32

hapagirl my DH could have had US citizenship but his DM never applied for it ... he would have so loved it.

dipdye · 12/04/2022 20:34

Loads of fabulous holidays.

Amazing house to live in.

My mother taught me incredible strength and female ownership. She went back to study after having kids and built a successful career. This was in the 90's. Loads of empowerment.

Svara · 12/04/2022 20:41

@hapagirl

Got me every nationality I was eligible for at birth (3). Considering they are rubbish at any sort of admin it was quite a feat.
I wish I had Irish citizenship but my dad would have had to register himself as a foreign birth or something before I was born. We were in the EU then so it wouldn't have crossed his mind. He can get citizenship but not pass it on.
Crunchymum · 12/04/2022 20:42

My mum was never, ever critical. She wasn't a push over at all and we were told off when naughty / punished for bad behaviour. She just never criticised any of our choices or decisions. Even if they were bad. She also never, ever said "I told you so". She was just a constant source of support and comfort and guidance.

She was also incredibly witty and dry. She was hilarious but also found herself funny. I've seen her cry with laughter at her own wit. Full on hysterical laughter at something silly she'd seen or heard. It was infectious.

I miss her so very much.

ChocolateRiver · 12/04/2022 21:14

Taught me how to cook. I left home being able to cook a wide variety of dishes from scratch.

comfortablyfrumpy · 12/04/2022 21:56

Instilled in me a love of reading and learning. We went to the library every fortnight Sundays often involved trips to museums and galleries.

Also a work ethic - I had a paper round a 12 and then different jobs so I could fund my hobby.

(I can't remember my younger brother having a job and I think we were treated a bit differently. )

My Mum worked like a Trojan. She retrained to a completely different career after having us kids and set me an example that you can do anything if you decide to.

sjxoxo · 12/04/2022 21:59

To be sensible with money, to learn & work hard, that you can make your own luck.
I can always go home if the shit hits the fan.
I wouldn’t want to but I know they’re there.

GalactatingGoddess · 12/04/2022 22:02

Dad:

  • Affectionate
  • Encouraged my love of reading, would regularly take me to Waterstones to buy a new book as a treat
  • Strong boundaries
  • Always available
  • Challenged our views so that we never lived in an echo chamber
  • Respected my mum and instilled in me a strong sense of what a man should be/do and how he should support and nurture his family equally
  • Strong push for academic focus and physical fitness (also a big chocolate eating house so unfortunately I'm still overweight)

Mum:

  • Affectionate
  • Fostered a sense of individuality in fashion
  • Showed us that you don't have to fit in - was regularly whispered about in school playground due to her quirky fashion and hair, she didn't fit in with school mums yet didn't give a shit. That helped me a lot in teen years
  • showed us how to cook from scratch
  • Restarted her education with 2 small toddlers and was a first gen Uni goer , showed us we could achieve. The reason why I can believe in myself to do a Masters with a toddler.
  • Made us clean every Saturday before we went out with mates (I know how to keep a house clean and tidy and have good tidying habits)
  • Strong boundaries

Both parents:
Had awful/abusive/neglectful and chaotic upbringings and left school with no qualifications. Worked hard and both were first generation uni goers/masters etc - strong sense of looking to the future re your work/prospects etc

caringcarer · 12/04/2022 22:02

My Mum and Dad always made me feel safe and loved.

Mum and Dad both instilled in me the need to work hard and value education. I became a teacher.

My Dad took me aside when I got first pay packet and told me to take out additional pension as well as Teachers Pension. I have recently retired and am grateful to Dad for that.

Mum always told me never to settle for less than I deserved.

speakout · 12/04/2022 22:05

Struggling to think of anything.
My Dad taught me to garden and some DIY, can't think of anything my mother did that was particulary helpful.

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