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Original poster

I'm too dumb for that...

31 replies

OctopusSay · 12/04/2022 13:40

DS1 is 21 yo and has worked at a fast food chain since the summer he took his Alevels. He seems to have done well there and is now a shift manager, but it was always supposed to be temporary while he went through the recruitment process for his life's dream.

Unfortunately he failed the medical. Nothing that affects him in any way, but it does mean this dream came to an end.

He's recently started looking at alternative work and applying for junior management roles within the same industry. I've suggested a few more "career" options and his response is always that he's not clever enough.

I think a school where he did OK but didn't shine, plus 3 years working in what so many see as a dead end job has really harmed him. He's not thick, he got 10 GCSEs grades B-C (5 & 6 in English and Maths, it was during the transition) and he passed 3 Alevels although admittedly only just. So an academic career was never on the cards, but he's not stupid.

What can I do now to help him realise this?

He has a lovely way with people, quietly authoritative without being bossy or aggressive.

OP posts:
PsychoSyd · 12/04/2022 15:21

Have a look at the Civil Service recruitment website. There's loads of jobs across the civil service. Academics aren't as important as you might think (there is a fast stream for graduates) as long as you can demonstrate the right behaviours. There's also a defined career progression if that's what you're after.

SilverHairedCat · 12/04/2022 15:24

Was he looking at the police or the military?

Original poster
OctopusSay · 12/04/2022 18:01

Military, but it's not so much his missed opportunity as what appears to be incredibly low self esteem where his intellect is concerned

OP posts:

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Original poster
OctopusSay · 12/04/2022 18:02

@PsychoSyd

Have a look at the Civil Service recruitment website. There's loads of jobs across the civil service. Academics aren't as important as you might think (there is a fast stream for graduates) as long as you can demonstrate the right behaviours. There's also a defined career progression if that's what you're after.
Thanks yes, a few things that might appeal there
OP posts:
Yousexybugger · 12/04/2022 18:30

What about civil service with a view to getting into the MOD so he can still work in connection to the military but from the civilian side? I will warn that it's quite a macho, brash department to work in so he might want to work on building his confidence, perhaps through interests or counselling. However, in any civil service dept there is a clear path of progression and it's very doable (especially if you're willing to move around for work). There are also opportunities for further study if he wanted, and recruitment is competency based so he would be able to build good examples from his working life, rather than worrying about not getting the best grades. His communication and leadership skills will be extremely useful.

RippleEffects · 12/04/2022 18:36

I don't know which fast food chain but some of them offer quite good further training.

The McDonalds business managegement degree apprenticeship has always looked good to me:

McD Apprenticeship

My eldest son is doing an apprenticeship just finishing the A level equivalent stage and been offered the degree level one. Earning and working has been great for his self esteem.

There are loads of post A level apprenticeship schemes and I think it helps people feel validated the montly pay cheque whilst studying.

Workingwoe · 12/04/2022 18:50

The MOJ/MOD have alot of jobs up at the minute in a lot of different areas if he was looking at military or piluce he might find something in a similar field with them.

elbea · 12/04/2022 19:07

You don’t need great a levels to do well. I got C, C, E. I did an apprenticeship, then a degree in rural surveying (although you can do it as an degree apprenticeship now). I was on £30,000 by 24 with great perks like free accommodation, private health care and bills paid. I wasn’t party good at exams but it didn’t stop me doing well!

I’m also laughing at the thought of the macho warning for working for the MOD. My husband is a solider and does mandatory yoga on Fridays, very macho.

Yousexybugger · 12/04/2022 19:18

Haha sounds like things have improved a bit then!

ImInStealthMode · 12/04/2022 19:28

If he's good with people and has enjoyed hospitality / food & beverage then there's no reason he can't excel in that industry (which is crying out for good candidates)

Get into hotels for example and he could work his way up to management / area management / operations management or any number of other areas (I'm in Marketing now but for the same company I started in customer services for).

He could also see the world that way; if that's something that appealed to him about the military.

SilverHairedCat · 12/04/2022 19:46

@OctopusSay the reason I ask is that he might have failed the military medical, but he might still pass the police, ambulance or fire medicals, depending on what the issue is. I know several people who didn't get into the forces, but who went on to great careers in the emergency services.

Original poster
OctopusSay · 12/04/2022 20:39

It's not so much suggesting alternatives, but finding a way to persuade him that he's not stupid. He thinks he's not clever enough to do well in the police, for example, although he meets the entry requirements and more.

OP posts:
grosgirl · 12/04/2022 20:45

@OctopusSay 100000% he is clever enough to be in the police. My husband has GCSEs but no further qualifications, had a 6 year military career but has been in the police for nearly 10 years now. He's done well and is now in a specialist firearms role. Bless him but he's not clever yet has thrived.

Original poster
OctopusSay · 12/04/2022 20:47

[quote grosgirl]@OctopusSay 100000% he is clever enough to be in the police. My husband has GCSEs but no further qualifications, had a 6 year military career but has been in the police for nearly 10 years now. He's done well and is now in a specialist firearms role. Bless him but he's not clever yet has thrived. [/quote]
I know this but he seems to have developed this terrible inferiority complex Sad

OP posts:
grosgirl · 12/04/2022 20:55

So sad @OctopusSay. On the recruitment pages of the police (for example) they often have profiles of officers who have joined at various stages of their lives, from various backgrounds. Could you show him a few of those? Might demonstrate that his experience over the past few years could be equally as valuable?

DinkBoo · 13/04/2022 18:09

Could you sit him down and go through the skills he already has, and the things he has achieved, with solid examples from his work life (and some gentle nudging ;-) ) ?

Really bring out what he has already done, and show him how impressive it is, and how well it maps to different job descriptions? It may be harder for him to deny when it is down on paper.

I helped my brother write his first ever CV at 40, and it wasn't easy, as he was so sure he had nothing to offer. He was very, very wrong, and it helped his confidence both to have someone else point out his attractcoe to employer qualities, and to start seeing for himself how to translate what he had done into what employers say they are looking for.

Original poster
OctopusSay · 13/04/2022 18:52

Yes, I've done that.I've We've put together what I think is a really strong CV and actually, it was easier than I thought it would be. He's actually quite impressive for a young person, even if it doesn't all hinge around qualifications, he's done some good stuff and has plenty of skills.

OP posts:
PollyPutTheKettleOnKettleOn · 13/04/2022 18:55

The national careers service is a brilliant resource with careers advisors available to advise and help him through every stage of looking and applying.

I think he can go far on his grades, he just needs a bit of self belief.

Bunnybingesoneggs · 13/04/2022 18:59

My ds 18 is at college and a pt job at a fast food place.
At 21 he wants to start training to be a train driver!! Have to be 21. Maybe your ds would be enticed by the wages!!??

Original poster
OctopusSay · 13/04/2022 19:00

Yes, the post was really about how to get him the self belief. I know there are lots of options for him.

OP posts:
ohmygoodnessnow · 13/04/2022 19:00

I think he should talk to a careers advisor or someone in the police. They could tell him what skills are necessary. I would imagine having good people skills and common sense are essential not just qualifications.

Couldhe do a work placement somewhere for free for a short time to boost his confidence?

ComtesseDeSpair · 13/04/2022 19:05

Does he enjoy anything about his current work, or the industry more generally? Not everyone needs to do something which involves intellectual skills or being academic. The attitude and personality you describe sounds like somebody who could easily work his way up in hospitality or retail management.

My brother dropped out of his A Levels, worked full time in the supermarket his Saturday job was at whilst he worked out what he wanted to do, but ended up staying on. He was promoted to shift manager, then section manager, then assistant store manager, now he’s an area manager.

Original poster
OctopusSay · 13/04/2022 19:11

@ComtesseDeSpair

Does he enjoy anything about his current work, or the industry more generally? Not everyone needs to do something which involves intellectual skills or being academic. The attitude and personality you describe sounds like somebody who could easily work his way up in hospitality or retail management.

My brother dropped out of his A Levels, worked full time in the supermarket his Saturday job was at whilst he worked out what he wanted to do, but ended up staying on. He was promoted to shift manager, then section manager, then assistant store manager, now he’s an area manager.

I think he does enjoy the work, he's good at dealing with the public and he likes working as part of a team. It's odd because he doesn't lack confidence socially at all. He's a bit disillusioned with the restaurant he's at currently though, they've made him promises they haven't kept.

He's actually been offered an interview for another chain today and after a telephone call with them, they've decided to interview him for a more senior post than the one he applied for!

OP posts:
Sarkymarky · 13/04/2022 20:10

What about joining the specials or Pcso this would give him an insight to the practical side and also the opportunity to talk to serving Police Officers of what is required academically when actually doing the job. Wish him look x

HeadNorth · 13/04/2022 20:14

Nursing? My DD is bright but never really academically inclined. She is training as a mental health nurse and has found her niche. She is now interested in global mental health policy and can see a whole career trajectory.

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