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Original poster

Family holiday minus one child

29 replies

yellowwellingtons · 12/04/2022 08:43

Could you leave one child at home with relatives while the rest of the family went on a family holiday abroad?
Dn aged 7 got chicken pox a couple of days before they were due to travel so db & sil have taken their other two children away on the holiday and left dn with our mum. Dn is understandably devastated that they've all gone away without her so we've all been rallying round trying to keep her occupied. I have children of my own and don't think I could have left one at home ill while the rest of us went on holiday but db and sil don't see the issue.

OP posts:
NotTheOW · 12/04/2022 08:45

I think it very much depends on the holiday, if its something they can rearrange or if it's a once in a lifetime trip. It does suck and I would feel terrible doing it but if my mum could make sure that the one left behind was absolutely spoiled then I'd consider it.

Original poster
yellowwellingtons · 12/04/2022 08:48

@NotTheOW

I think it very much depends on the holiday, if its something they can rearrange or if it's a once in a lifetime trip. It does suck and I would feel terrible doing it but if my mum could make sure that the one left behind was absolutely spoiled then I'd consider it.
Not a once in a lifetime thing, might have cost something to postpone but there was definitely that option.
OP posts:
LosingTheWill2022 · 12/04/2022 08:49

In a 2 parent family I'd expect one parent to stay with the ill child at least.

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LosingTheWill2022 · 12/04/2022 08:49

If postponing was sn option that's definitely what I'd do.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 12/04/2022 08:50

I couldn’t no, not if old enough to understand -the guilt would eat me up

TrashyPanda · 12/04/2022 08:51

Difficult one.
Was their logic “one disappointed child v 3 disappointed children?”

Chilledchablis1 · 12/04/2022 08:52

I think one parent should have stayed at home if postponing wasn’t an option.

Oizys · 12/04/2022 09:00

Personally no especially with a Non teen (I’d feel less bad about leaving a teen if they were ok with it because I loved when my family went on holiday and I didn’t have to go!)

My DS1 dad did this tho. He realised a couple of days before he his gf and her 2 kids plus DS1
We’re due to fly on holiday DS1 passport was expired (completely his fault he’s had the passport for over a year as he was the one that last took Ds abroad). He thought he’d chance it anyway but obviously they said DS1 couldn’t fly so he called me and asked my husband to come collect DS1 from
The airport as they were still going to fly.
I wouldn’t expect The gf and her kids to miss
Out on their holiday because ex can’t manage basic admin but I would expect ex to stay home with DS1 it of course he didn’t want to so we went and collected him

Heythere13 · 12/04/2022 09:01

100% no I wouldn’t
Would not even countenance the idea of going on holiday without one of my children
Unfathomable to me

Tiredmamaaa · 12/04/2022 09:14

Absolutely not! You are complete right to be upset by this. I would never leave my children behind and go on holiday. That poor child will remember that for the rest of her life!

WelshyMaud · 12/04/2022 09:19

Oh that's really, really poor.

Ideally I'd postpone a holiday completely. However if not possible, either DH or I would stay with one child and the other would take the other two. Then the child who missed the holiday would get a special day trip or something when recovered to make up for it.

IggyAce · 12/04/2022 09:24

Is it a week or 2 week holiday? I’m thinking there a a high possibility that one of the other 2 might come down with chicken pox too. Let’s hope they have good travel insurance.
No I wouldn’t leave a 7 year old behind, under 4 possibly as less chance of them remembering it.

Original poster
yellowwellingtons · 12/04/2022 09:25

@TrashyPanda The other two are older (10&12) so I'd say they were old enough to understand their holiday being postponed even if a little disappointed.

Thanks for confirming I'm not in the wrong being upset about this. Yes I agree I'd probably think differently if they were teens and old enough to occupy/look after themselves but I just couldn't fathom leaving my young child, especially when ill.
I had suggested db stay home but they were both adamant that wouldn't be happening if the option of dn staying with someone was there.

OP posts:
Igmum · 12/04/2022 09:25

When I was 12 I came out with chicken pox the day we were supposed to go on holiday (yes, I'm that sort of kid). We all stayed home. So sorry for your DN. I think this is grim too. Hope you can spoil her when she's a bit better

Original poster
yellowwellingtons · 12/04/2022 09:27

@IggyAce

Is it a week or 2 week holiday? I’m thinking there a a high possibility that one of the other 2 might come down with chicken pox too. Let’s hope they have good travel insurance. No I wouldn’t leave a 7 year old behind, under 4 possibly as less chance of them remembering it.
It's 10 days. The older two have both had chicken pox so they're just counting on them not getting them again.
OP posts:
Heythere13 · 12/04/2022 09:27

If they had had travel insurance - this would have been very very straightforward to get a full refund from company

whywhythough · 12/04/2022 09:32

It would very much depend on circumstance for me. In this exact situation, no, I wouldn't.

That said we are a neuro diverse family who all have different wants and needs so on the surface you may think our holiday situations are unfair but I can guarantee whichever combination of people (and we have done them all) go on any particular holiday is absolutely done because it suits us all.

littlestpogo · 12/04/2022 09:37

@whywhythough - that’s interesting. I was about to post my own thread on this! I have one child with SEN who does not enjoy many holidays ( possibly any? I do think he likes going to places he has previously been). My youngest is Nt and loves travelling. I am separated and easy to leave eldest with his dad. For the first time this year I’m thinking of me and youngest just going away ( having checked eldest is really ok and given the option to go!).

Sorry for jumping on the thread OP

Heythere13 · 12/04/2022 09:39

I would only think unfair if you had booked a holiday and all children were going despite being ND and having different wants and desires because the holiday in question was suited to all (as presumably was the case in this case) but then you left behind

Not if you book a holiday with one child because it suits that child but not others and you’ll do the same with the others

IsabelaYourBoyfriendsHere · 12/04/2022 09:46

In these circumstances absolutely no way, I wouldn't dream of leaving one of my children behind - either we all go or none of us go. Leaving one behind wouldn't even be an option to us.

Poor child, at 7 they'll probably remember this forever.

Dilbertian · 12/04/2022 09:47

Exactly that happened to us one year. Our attitude was "That's what travel insurance is for."

Original poster
yellowwellingtons · 12/04/2022 09:54

@IsabelaYourBoyfriendsHere

In these circumstances absolutely no way, I wouldn't dream of leaving one of my children behind - either we all go or none of us go. Leaving one behind wouldn't even be an option to us.

Poor child, at 7 they'll probably remember this forever.

Yes this would be my attitude in that situation. Im honestly so upset for her. I'm hoping she gets over the chicken pox quickly so that we can try and make it memorable for her in a good way and take her out to some fun places, although I know this will stick with her, it would me too.
OP posts:
whywhythough · 12/04/2022 09:54

@littlestpogo

Just do it. Your children are different people with different ideas of what is fun. I do a lot of weekends away with my eldest (she is an adult now but have done since pre teen years) and the others I have taken if they wanted to go to a specific place/thing but in the main they prefer home. DH has also done a fair share of taking one or another away while I have stayed at home. We just do what works for us. I always think it's important to understand that it's absolutely fine to be 'different' and peoples ideas of what we 'should' be doing very often vary from the reality of what actually worlds and keeps everyone happy. We also used to do a family holiday every year (same place for familiarity) but when the DC started to complain a bit when we were in the planning stages DH and I decided to give it up because it was bloody hard work anyway/

Sorry for the slight derail OP Blush

Original poster
yellowwellingtons · 12/04/2022 09:56

[quote littlestpogo]@whywhythough - that’s interesting. I was about to post my own thread on this! I have one child with SEN who does not enjoy many holidays ( possibly any? I do think he likes going to places he has previously been). My youngest is Nt and loves travelling. I am separated and easy to leave eldest with his dad. For the first time this year I’m thinking of me and youngest just going away ( having checked eldest is really ok and given the option to go!).

Sorry for jumping on the thread OP[/quote]
Not at all.
I think your situation is completely different and I think if I knew one child would be happier at home I'd definitely go with just one of them.

OP posts:
Anotherdayanotherdollar · 12/04/2022 10:01

I'd leave a teenager with a family member if they had been given the option and chosen not to join us on holiday.
A young sick child?? Not a chance