Is he interested? Uninterested? Just being nice?

[Thatsthewaylovegoes]

Lovely good looking single colleague who works in a different department and different part of the building to me. I’ve been single for 5 years and was married prior to that so I am lacking confidence in flirting/dating/knowing if someone is truly interested….

When I see him around he:

Winks at me in passing

Responds to work emails from me almost straight away

We text message about work a couple of times a week which will sometimes turn into general chat or funny comments but it only last a couple of messages and I’m usually the first one ask to ask anything chatty rather than work related

He went to a work event a couple of months ago and when I asked him about it he told me he’d missed me being there

He says he enjoys hearing from me during the day

He doesn’t text or email me outside of work hours

I can’t tell if he’s uninterested, interested but shy or playing the long game!

Mumsnetters I need your thoughts!

I like all of these signs apart from the wink as it seems very forward.

What do you say when he says he enjoys hearing from you?

@Lucia23 I smiled and said something like “oh that’s really nice” - clueless from a crap marriage and the single life

I think he does, the wink especially. Maybe he doesn't message out of work hours as he's unsure if you like him and doesn't want to overstep the mark.

What are your ages?

I would be careful here as he works in the same area as you do. Does your company have a policy about 'relationships' between colleagues?

In any case let him make the running. If he's genuinely interested he'll ask you for a date.

@Furrbabymama87 I don’t message him either out of work because I don’t want him to think the same!! . Maybe I should be bolder!!!! I don’t want him to think I’m annoying if he doesn’t like me in that way

[quote Thatsthewaylovegoes]@Lucia23 I smiled and said something like “oh that’s really nice” - clueless from a crap marriage and the single life [/quote]
I think if he says similar in future you could see hearing from him brightens up your day too. Something to make it seem he would have a chance?

I know how hard it is to put yourself out there sometimes. I agree he should overall make moves but he might need encouragement.

@Lucia23 I do try to gently flirt and I smile a lot but maybe I’m not being confident enough!!!

I think usually if he’s confident enough to wink at you he’s confident enough to shoot his shot so I’m going with he’s not shy, he’s mildly interested, but seems to not have had the push he needs to act on it yet.
Go to the next work do!!

I’ll try!

I’ve not been interested in anyone in so long I’d forgotten how hard it all is

Ask him to lunch

That seems horrifying when I’m not sure if he likes me or not!

Hmm, I wouldn't get too excited. You say you initiate the non work related chat all the time and it only lasts a couple of messages, I think if he was interested he'd carry this on a bit more

How old are you both?

Ask him to lunch and see how that goes or go to the next work do where you will both be more relaxed.

Difficult to say if hes interested as responding to work emails immediately is not a good clue if he likes you or not and he might wink at everyone (does he?) The other stuff could show you he's interested or if its just work banter to get through the day.

Maybe start with lunch and go from there?

@Thatsthewaylovegoes

I’ll try!

I’ve not been interested in anyone in so long I’d forgotten how hard it all is

It isn't hard. Be yourself. A compatible partner will communicate with you in a way that makes sense to you. Worrying and wondering and finding it hard are signs that you think you might be failing at some sort of test. Take charge: if you like him, ask him out. If you don't feel like doing that, let him do it, but give him a time limit. If he hasn't made his feelings clear to you within x amount of time, forget the idea of having a relationship with him. You don't want a man who's too scared to communicate with you.

From what you’ve said, I think he’s enjoying flirting with you but has no intention of taking it further.

The wink is grim, sorry. Are you sure he doesn't have a gf/wife?

He fancies you and would probably sleep with you if you pursued it. He doesn't want a relationship with you, or at least, he is not giving any sign that he does.

When a man is genuinely interested in you, he will let you know. You won't be questioning yourself. You will know.

I wouldn't ask him to lunch but I'd mention in a chat that I needed to go out to get something for lunch and did he want to walk with you

I think he's a flirt and not particularly interested in you.

He doesn’t text you outside of work?

Thats because he possibly has someone at home. Are you 100% sure he is single?

Next time you bump into him or you're emailing him you could say you were just about to get a coffee & does he fancy getting one too. That way you can prolong the chat & move it along to more casual chat about plans for the weekend etc & it might give you an opportunity to get a better sense of how interested he really is.

If you think he was just being friendly in work it's v easy to walk away without having revealed too much as people have coffee together in work all the time

Sounds quite promising to me, be a bit more flirty with him back and see how things progress, good luck x

I agree with beastlyslumber, when a man wants someone, that person will know.

Aside on the winking - I sometimes wink at people when I smile at them - it's a habit I caught years ago and can't shake. It's more insecurity (from eye contact) than anything confident or grim so I wouldn't automatically read it as either grim or flirty. Some people just wink.

Apart from that, if he's definitely single, it sounds like he's interested. I wouldn't ask him to lunch, but just chat to him more, see where it goes.

He enjoys flirting it’s fun you are both enjoying it

He doesn’t contact you outside work he would have by now made an excuse to if he was interested