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Original poster

First time feeling disadvantaged as a working mum

25 replies

workingmomlife · 11/04/2022 08:25

Have a promotion interview today and managed about 1 hours sleep due to 1 year old twins going through brutal sleep regression. It's the first time I really feel disadvantaged being a working mum - I don't feel ready, barely managed to practice the presentation or research practice questions. All I can think is that people without kids or probably even the fathers as well going for the interview will be so much more prepared than me. I'm sat here and I'm so tired if they asked me my name I don't think I could tell them.

Just wanted to vent really before I put my big girl pants on. I've had a good cry and might break into the Easter eggs for breakfast

OP posts:
NeededAction · 11/04/2022 08:27

Grab a coffee to go with the Easter egg!!

Best of luck OP :)

MrsPear · 11/04/2022 08:35

Are you a single parent? No well if you both work then you should have stayed in bed snd your partner should have got up. Or is there career more important?

Have a coffee and good luck In your interview but next time don’t be such a doormat

Original poster
workingmomlife · 11/04/2022 08:42

@MrsPear

Yes I'm married but the twins just won't settle for him - we've tried - nothing we do makes a difference. (Not making excuses there by the way). Just is what it is. The crying would keep me awake anyway - guess it's a mum thing - if I can hear them then I'm awake whereas many fathers just don't hear them 😂

He did take one out in the car for an hour but he woke up as soon as he was back in the cot.

I'm the main earner x3 times so my career is more important than his

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Snoken · 11/04/2022 09:01

I think you should feel disadvantaged every night you are up with your twins and your lower earner husband gets to stay in bed. They only want you at night because they are used to it being you that does it, it can be changed. Even if it means you lay in bed an listen to them cry for a few nights.

BarbaraofSeville · 11/04/2022 09:05

I know it's too late but for something so important, you could have done to stay in a hotel so you got a good nights sleep.

Maybe it's something to consider whether or not you get the promotion, have a night in a local hotel every so often to recharge.

If you aren't there, your DH has to hear them, your babies have to learn to settle for him, and you get a good night' sleep.

Good luck with the interview.

Original poster
workingmomlife · 11/04/2022 09:06

@Snoken

I think you should feel disadvantaged every night you are up with your twins and your lower earner husband gets to stay in bed. They only want you at night because they are used to it being you that does it, it can be changed. Even if it means you lay in bed an listen to them cry for a few nights.

It's hard but we can't cry it out. One is a much worse sleeper than the other - if he cries it out he wakes his twin. Then he wakes our eldest.

I can't lie in bed trying to sleep whilst 2 children are screaming the house down and I also have some respect for my neighbours

My DH doesn't lie in bed sleeping he does take one of them more often than not - but he starts work at 430am so only so much he can do - but the logistics of twins means 2 pairs of hands are needed

OP posts:
Thursday37 · 11/04/2022 09:07

Good luck @workingmomlife you can only do your best.
I don’t have twins but my DD only settles for me too and I’m the main earner too. It’s starting to improve now as she’s 2.5 so hang in there. If today isn’t your day it will be soon.
To be frank it’s bloody impressive you can be arsed to go for it at all. I’ve completely put the brakes on right now and feel a bit of guilt.

Original poster
workingmomlife · 11/04/2022 09:14

@Thursday37

Thanks! I work in a male dominated industry - it's pretty rare for women to be high level in. I didn't want to really go for it - I don't agree in sitting interview panels for promotion when most other companies just promote you without the need for presentations and panels and all that faff but I can't progress without it.

And with twins in full time childcare and that cost of living increases the pay rise will obviously help offset some of that so seemed /felt like I didn't have a choice really

OP posts:
Riggles78 · 11/04/2022 09:27

I know it's hard OP but if you want anything to change then DH being able to settle the babies is something that needs to be worked on.
I was the same and convinced that our 1yo would never settle for him after months of him trying and her crying until I gave in and came
in, but I got to a breaking point during her 12mo sleep regression where I wasn't coping without the sleep and didn't feel safe driving to work/nursery.
DH booked a few days off work and we agreed that after she went to bed, it would only be him that went in to settle her for a few nights in a row. She cried a lot the first night, but she had a drink available and she was being cuddled by her dad so it was just her being frustrated that she wanted me as normal. Not going to lie, I still didn't sleep well for the first few nights as I could still hear her, but I had resolved that I would not go in. After the first night she settled with him very quickly each time she woke up and since then it's been so much easier to be able to share night wakings, she will happily settle for either of us. We now take it in turns to be on night shift so that we share the load.
I appreciate that it's so much more difficult with twins, but would it be possible for you to try something like this?

Hoppinggreen · 11/04/2022 09:31

Nothing to add but I wanted to wish you luck for the interview x

Original poster
workingmomlife · 11/04/2022 09:55

@Riggles78

He can and does settle my boy twin eventually but by then he's woken his twin sister and our 5 year old.

He can't settle both at the same time - even I find that pretty impossible

Boy twin just screams - gets more frustrated - overwhelmed- doesn't want cuddles -m

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 11/04/2022 10:05

Good luck for the panel.

You’ll be brilliant. It’s all attitude and adrenaline.

Remember, it’s a make-dominated industry so they need diversity in their upper tiers. You’re at an advantage with that, despite the sleep deprivation.

For an hour or so, pretend the twins don’t exist, you’re not tired and you’re the boss of being brilliant. Fake it til you make it! (I bet you don’t need to fake it at all, actually).

Good luck! Flowers

Snoopsnoggysnog · 11/04/2022 10:28

You’ll get through today. I have twins, older now, but included one non-sleeping one, and I have totally been where you are, also have a senior level job in a male dominated industry. Will write more later but look forward to hearing how it goes.

BundtCake · 11/04/2022 10:47

@Snoken

I think you should feel disadvantaged every night you are up with your twins and your lower earner husband gets to stay in bed. They only want you at night because they are used to it being you that does it, it can be changed. Even if it means you lay in bed an listen to them cry for a few nights.
This!!! Stop being a martyr. You cannot sustain being the only one who can settle them. You should have been able to prioritise a night of sleep before a big interview.
Original poster
workingmomlife · 11/04/2022 10:53

@BundtCake

All well and good saying that but do you have twins.....would you be able to settle 2 screaming babies at the same time.....bet not. Neither can I. Could you also sleep through 2 screaming babies in a house....also bet not.

OP posts:
Snoopsnoggysnog · 11/04/2022 11:40

There people replying to this who have no idea what is like to manage twins.

UniBallEye · 11/04/2022 11:45

Sounds immensely tough OP and I just wanted to say the very best of luck with it, I really hope you get it!!

starsinyourpies · 11/04/2022 11:59

Good luck OP!!!

itsjustnotok · 11/04/2022 12:04

Blimey, everyone seems to be honing in on OP’s DH like he just sleeps through it! Plus it can be hard enough with one let alone twins. Seriously Mumsnet really seems to loathe men. Good luck OP you’ll smash the interview. I hope you get it.

Keepup8113 · 11/04/2022 12:07

Hope went well op

Probably best to keep off mumsnet the morning of a big promotion interview!

Original poster
workingmomlife · 11/04/2022 12:25

Thanks all!

Interview not until this afternoon which is even worse as after lunch I don't think I'll have any energy / will / brain cells left! So I've still got my day job to do before now and then

Plus its the holidays and twins and eldest home but thankfully DH has taken them out for a few hours so I can prep (see he can parent! 😉)

@itsjustnotok ha I agree - I'm usually one of the few men supporters on MN so I know it's a very one sided team on here.

He's not perfect by any stretch of the imagination but he's mine and we muddle through. We lost 7 babies before the twins so they are very much wanted and whilst the no sleep is brutal they are 100000% worth it

OP posts:
Potterbore · 11/04/2022 12:33

Good luck for your interview!

EinsteinaGogo · 11/04/2022 13:22

You can do it, @workingmomlife !

Run on adrenaline.
You've got twins, an older DC AND a full time senior role. You're bloody fantastic!

You will ace the interview. Channel all your knowledge and confidence, smash it, then zonk out in the cot with the twins at 7.30pm tonight!

Good luck, i am rooting for you 🥳🥳🥳🥳

RightOnTheEdge · 11/04/2022 13:33

Good luck with your interview OP! I hope you get it Flowers🍀🤞
It sounds very hard for you, I can't imagine having twin babies and working as well so sadly I have no wise advise but I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

Original poster
workingmomlife · 11/04/2022 16:38

Hey everyone so it went ok I think some questions I didn't have a bloody clue what they were on about just feel relieved it's over. If I don't get it the market in my job field is crazy at the moment so I know I could walk into something else tomorrrow albeit my confidence and pride might be dented some

Going to sneak an early finish and go and hug my children and mentally build myself up for another night time battle

I really want my daughters to see you can have a career and family but sometimes I'm
Not so sure - the mum guilt doesn't ever really go away

When you think about your work/employer gets the best of us - the kids get whatever energy mummy has left at 530

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