Counselling- would it help him?

[Crudger]

DSS 12 has been caught out in some lies recently. To the point he was shaking and crying when confronted. He complied with restrictions we put on him and seemed very sorry. However he’s just been caught out again in some new lies.

When confronted again he brought up his unhappiness at not having one family (parents have split custody 50/50) as part of the reason for his behaviour. We want to take this seriously but there isn’t much we can do about it because he wouldn’t be without either family. Splitting the custody differently wouldn’t be a solution.

I have suggested counselling for him before his behaviour really spirals. DH doesn’t think it’s serious enough for that. Anyone with experience? And if so where would we go about looking for an appropriate counsellor?

Sounds to me like he feels no one loves him enough to keep him full time. Until he feels loved and secure, his feelings won't change.

Poor kid.

Why can't he have the stable home he craves?

@Qwaszx

Sounds to me like he feels no one loves him enough to keep him full time. Until he feels loved and secure, his feelings won't change.

Poor kid.

Why can't he have the stable home he craves?

That's a bit judgemental.

To be clear, did he mean he'd rather live with one parent majority of the time?

No. He doesn’t have a preference. Says he knows his parents love him and there are no issues in either home. He has siblings (well half siblings but we don’t call them that) in both homes and he’s jealous they spend all their time with their parents. So there is no happy alternative to 50/50 really.

Interested to hear what you would do @Qwaszx

Gotta love a drip feed.😁

@crudger. I can't say what I would do, as it's exactly the situation I didn't want my children to be in. Which is why I chose not to have more.

I am interested in his parents' opinions though, and what they think would be best. I think it's a desperately sad situation for him.

I think you might have misunderstood? My OP is very clear that he would love to just have one family rather than his time split between 2. Nothing about either family not being loving and secure. He also has a lovely relationship with his siblings (even though he feels the jealousy he doesn’t blame them or take it out on them) and absolutely adores them. I don’t think keeping him an only child would have been preferable to the situation we have now.

I think counselling is always a good idea. It's so helpful to be able to talk openly to someone who is objective and not going to be hurt by what you say.

Can he have more one to one with his parents.

I think counselling could be helpful, but only if he wants this. It makes sense that he feels unhappy that his family isn't the way he wishes it was. That doesn't mean anything needs to change in the custody arrangement, but that it might help him to process his feelings to talk them through.