'Taboo' subjects (CW) - how were abortion & rape portrayed when you first heard of them?

[Echobelly]

I'm in my mid 40s now, and I've been thinking about the differences these days, if there are any because maybe people feel there's not, in how people, especially girls, first understand the concepts of rape and abortion.

I don't know when I became aware of the concepts, maybe late in primary school? With abortion I got the impression it was about 'getting rid' of a 'baby' in some sense. I don't think I had any sense it was like literally a viable life or actually that it was bad per se, but certainly it was sort of sad but there were good reasons for it. I now feel abortion should be portrayed as a vital part of women's rights and healthcare, and I'm pleased that's how my teen seems to have understood it from the start.

Rape - I guess I thought it was sort of 'dirty' and I'd probably internalised some idea that it was about a man wanting a woman so much that he did that to her. Not that it was nothing to do with attraction and all about power, denying consent and boundaries and intense misogyny.

Don't know if these ramblings make sense to anyone, but as I said, I'm interesting in how the messages about what these things are have changed over the decades.

Abortion was when a woman had an operation to remove an unwanted pregnancy. No emotive language used.

Rape was a scary sexual thing a bad man forcefully did in order to hurt a woman.

37 female Scot.

As something quite normal that was done when a woman didn’t want to continue a pregnancy. A very matter of fact explanation, without moral overtones.

My mother and father both come from countries where, due to an almost complete lack of methods of contraception, abortion was, still is in some cases, commonly used as birth control. Whether it was legal or not.

Abortion - a moral failing, something you should feel terrible about/regret & not talk about.

32, grew up in London. Went to an all girls school- not a religious school but our sex ed wasn't great.

As it happens, I had an abortion at 16. I've never regretted it. I have only regretted the situation that led me to being pregnant (horrible boyfriend, coercive control & no self esteem).

I'm now 32, 7 months pregnant and rather surprised that medical professionals repeatedly bring it up. They skip straight over the 3 MCs we had before this pregnancy & quiz me on why I had a termination...

I can’t remember but I do remember Kathy being raped on eastenders and not really understanding it.

Abortion was same as PP getting rid of an unwanted baby.

Also to say you could only be raped by strangers up a dark alley etc

I was raped by my exhusband no one in my family will call it what it was to this day. And I’m a woman in my 40s.

Rape was something that happened to nice girls walking home from their job where a stranger pounced out of the bushes. If your boyfriend, it wasn't rape because you already give it up for free. If a boy at a party did it, well that was your fault for being there in that situation /being drunk/ what you were wearing etc.

Abortion was evil and wrong even if it meant death for the mother. To give your life attempting to bring a baby into the world was the greatest gift a mother could give and a clear shot to heaven.

Took me a long time to unravel the religiosity of my childhood, it left me very ill equipped in my teens and early twenties to handle situations.

I'm pro-choice with zero restrictions or caveats, and a liberal atheist since I learned to apply a bit of critical thinking.

I remember being in primary school (probably year 5 ish).
I was at my Grandma's house and with my cousin one year younger. We always used to play on the field opposite the house while they would potter on. She wanted us to play a game where I was a robber who broke into her house while she was asleep. She then told me to rape her.
I'd never heard this word before and when I asked what it meant she said to have violent sex with someone when they were asleep. I did know what sex was as I had gone through my period earlier in the year and my mam had given me a book about it all but she made me promise not to talk about it with other kids as they may not know about it.

When she picked me up I told her what my cousin had said and she said she had to ring my auntie to tell her as she was very concerned. Auntie had no idea cousin knew about these sorts of things, no one did actually. She denied it when asked. The whole thing was swept under the rug but I remember being weirded out about the whole thing, especially as I got older and better understood what rape was.

I now feel abortion should be portrayed as a vital part of women's rights and healthcare, and I'm pleased that's how my teen seems to have understood it from the start.

I'm 50 and that is how it was taught when I was at school and in the teen magazines that we read.

I learnt about rape from a leaflet on a noticeboard at a local girls' grammar school when I was about 10. The leaflet started "many girls believe that rape is something that everyone has to go through" or something like that. Date rape was something that was being beginning to be covered in magazines and we were taught about consent/coercion in Year 9. We had a 3 day PHSE course in year 9 (as well as sex education in biology) that covered everything from drugs and smoking to mental health to contraception and consent, pretty much the same as my DC. Surprisingly, the film about consent/coercion was from the seventies all flares and crimplene, given that marital rape was still legal in the UK. Many of the films they showed us were imported though, including one of a woman giving birth that was in French because there were none available in English. At university, we were given a sexual health booklet and a "no means no" poster at freshers' week.

I did go to an all girls private school in London with a strong feminist ethos though.

Rape - my mum was raped and abused and told me the details unfortunately, when I was very young . She was understandably terrified and insisted that any number of things (perfume, the wrong pencil case, glitter, sandals) would undoubtedly lead to men getting the wrong idea and that all men were evil, disgusting etc . With family it’s a thing they don’t speak of, they pretend it never happened - despite poor mum having horrendous difficulties . I can’t remember ever hearing about rape in any other context apart from an advert on TV in my teens and a storyline on casualty . I spent my teens absolutely terrified that it would happen to me - and very, very behind my peers, when I started uni I was very much still a young girl in lots of ways and very naive !!

Abortion - family Catholic and members of SPUC etc and have handed out leaflets against abortion . So you can imagine ….

I was 23 before it clicked that it was OK and very normal to want to have and to enjoy sex - I haven’t been back to a Catholic mass in a very long time as I find it very difficult to see God as I understand him in the attitudes and ideas displayed .

Female 31 .

I remember watching the Jodie Foster film, The Accused, with some other girls from school. We were 14 at the time and it was the first 18 film I’d seen and the first time I’d seen rape discussed or represented in any way. I was traumatised by that for ages.

I went to a Catholic girls’ school, so abortion was so heinous that it wasn’t even talked about.

Really interest the different experiences people have had, not always what you'd expect.

I too initially got the impression that rape was more or less a stranger attacking a woman, no concept of what it actually means in the majority of situations until later.

I don’t know how old I was but I think my mum explained abortion to me “sometimes women have to decide to not have their baby and they have a special operation to make it go away”. She also, more importantly told me that “we should never, ever judge them for that”.

That’s one of the only positive things she’s ever taught me. I don’t remember how I learnt about rape. Maybe from watching tv? The Bill or Casualty most likely.

I don't remember learning about rape but I do remember my DMs friend needing to have a termination when I was in my early teens and us all being very sad for her (She already had a bump and the 20 week scan revealed significant abnormalities).

We also (I think) had a pro-life organisation come in to speak to us in year 10 (Catholic school)...at the time I didn't think anything of it (I daydreamed through most of RE/PSHE) but now as an adult I feel a bit uncomfortable about it.