Would younleave 19yo DS2 home alone in these circumstances?

[Silverclocks]

Yes, I know he should be perfectly capable of taking care of himself and he is in every practical sense, but I'm very worried about his mental health.

DH, his dad died less than a year ago and it has recently become clear he isn't coping at all well. He's having a lot of problems at work (of his own making but originating in him not coping), he seems to have abandoned contact with friends and never leaves home except for work, he's not taking care of himself re diet or personal hygiene, he lies a lot to make me think things are OK when they're not. He's lost interest in all the things he used to enjoy.

Anyway I'm supposed to be going away with friends next weekend and until recently was perfectly comfortable to leave DS1 and DS2 (as I should be at 19 and 21!).

My parents live just round the corner, so are usually there for emergencies, but they'll be away too. They've asked DS2 to go with them, they're doing something he used to enjoy, but he won't go.

The other people locally who I'd call for help if he needed it while I'm away are coming with me!

DS1 will be around, but working and very tied up with GF, so whilst they might be here taking advantage of the (almost) empty house, they won't be paying much attention to DS2.

Additionally, DS2 has become very bad at answering his phone or replying to messages, so if I try and check on him while I'm away, I'm likely to end up even more worried.

Some of it is just plain awful behaviour, but rooted in trauma (I think). The events leading up to DH's death were very traumatic for everyone, but I think DS2 got the worst of it and he turned 18 during it all.

I don't know what to do for him, but for now I'm wondering if I should go next weekend?

@PatientlyWaiting21

He needs help ASAP, please don’t leave him and please don’t ask your other son to look after him.

I know but how do I get him help if he won't engage?

He is still in a grief phase, its very difficult knowing whether that has turned into something clinical or whether its just the natural process of grief, loss, low mood, illjudged reactions to difficult things at work due to feeling low and grief stricken.

Most people come through grief ok, but it can take a couple of years. Is there an indicator that he is stuck at all, does he blame something or someone inappropriately for the loss, is he fixated on any part of the death?
There are some markers which are not present for worse case scenario and that would be the main way to risk assess and although risk assesments are never perfect because someone might be hiding a different intent, they are the best thing you have to assess right now.

I wouldn't leave him either .
I am the mother of 2 young adult sons and have worried about them at times so i do have a lot of empathy for you and your son.

I wouldn't leave him. There's no point in going because you won't be able to relax anyway.

But if he won't be working over the weekend could you arrange to do some things with him? (Or try to arrange!)

I think it's a shame if you don't go because you also need a break and to be with friends. So if you stay home and he won't engage after todays engagement, then please make sure you treat yourself.

I'm sorry for the loss of your DH and the pain you ghave to see in your children, alongside your own feelings. That must be incredibly hard.