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Summer born DD emotionally immature compared to friends

11 replies

RishisPA · 08/04/2022 13:54

DD is 5 in august, she’s in reception. Academically she’s doing really well and keeping up with her peers but seems absolutely knackered at the end of the day/week and by holidays (she falls asleep on the sofa after lunch most weekends). She doesn’t do too many activities (swimming once a week and dance on a sat am) so I don’t think it’s that and we build in lots of downtime. I think the uses all her energy concentrating and keeping up in school!
Today we were at a party and it made me realise DD is quite emotionally immature compared to her friends (mainly the girls, there’s 4-5 who are autumn term birthdays so older in the year). She really struggles to lose games, is much more whiny and liable to cry, needs a lot more parental input. It might just be her personality although im sure being 8-10 months younger than her friendship group must have some impact at that age. Im only bothered as during the party a few of the girls gave each other ‘looks’, one said ‘stop crying you’re not a baby’ (this was actually said in a kindly way- keep playing with us sort of thing) and I noticed once or twice them saying ‘oh just let X win otherwise she will moan’.
I’m worried she’s going to annoy/alienate friends but how do I teach her those rules quicker that she will pick up (eg be gracious in defeat, don’t constantly show off, don’t cry at everything)? Do I just give it time and the girls will just put up with her? She’s my PFB and I’m probably overthinking but any advice welcome !

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nosyupnorth · 08/04/2022 14:04

At that age an extra half year is still a big percentage of their lives and the maturity differences can be big. I would say encourage your DD to be polite, play fair, win/lose graciously, but that's the same for any kid summer born or otherwise, and she will catch up naturally as she gets older and those months become less significant.
It can be tricky if she's alienating playmates in the meantime, but unless it is a small school there will be other girls and at that age memories are often short so I don't think there's any reason to think these friendships wouldn't strengthen again as she catches up.

RishisPA · 08/04/2022 14:12

Thanks @nosyupnorth that’s exactly what I’m hoping, I just don’t want her to labelled as whiny or annoying and that stick even when she (hopefully) grows out of it!!

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glowingcandle · 08/04/2022 14:18

I could have written this about my DD except she's slightly older.

Not sure what the solution is but yes I do notice the difference between her and the others. She actually isn't really friends with the older ones, she seems to gravitate towards the younger ones who are perhaps more on her level.

I think it doesn't help that she's my eldest child so is hanging out with younger kids at home too!

I've mentioned it a couple of times to her teacher though who doesn't seem worried and said it is quite common at this stage but is likely to even out by the end of primary.

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Neolara · 08/04/2022 14:20

My dd1 has a July birthday. When she was in lower primary, she tended to be friendly with the younger girls in her class. I think they were same social development level.

Being so young in her year definitely impacted negatively on friendships. In contrast, Dd2 is a September birthday and she has benefitted socially from being the eldest in her year.

RishisPA · 08/04/2022 14:22

@glowingcandle so true of DD as well! The after school club is split and she’s with EYFS and tends to play a lot with preschool kids. Also on play date she often gets sad and withdrawn when she’s had enough and says she wants the friend to to so she can just play with her younger sister (luckily now out of earshot of the friend after being told this isn’t v polite!).

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Skelligsfeathers · 08/04/2022 14:23

My son is an end of August birthday and his teachers used to comment that he was very sensitive. I just used to point out that actually he was just very, very young. For the first term of reception, he used to come home at lunchtime twice a week and conk out on the sofa!
He's all grown up now and at university and has plenty of friends rtc!

RishisPA · 08/04/2022 14:23

@Neolara sorry to hear that. Did things improve over time for DC1? My youngest is a December birthday and very self assured and confident (even at 2.4!) compared to DC1 and I worry she will run rings around her eventually!

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Fantail999 · 08/04/2022 15:23

Our DD1 is an August baby. She's always described as being an emotional and sensitive child. She used to buddy up with older kids that would take her under their wing but we had so many tears and friendship issues in reception/Y1. Extreme tiredness. Always comparing herself to other children.

Fast forward to Y4 (now 8) and she's been just diagnosed as mildly dyslexic. Work wise she is more or less on a par with her peers but has to work a lot harder. She still has friendship issues but not sure whether that's her age, personality or not understanding/getting the wrong end of the stick.

We spend a lot of time playing board games to practice winning/losing, giving her independence and trusting her to do things for us to boost her confidence.

DD2 is October born, super confident, self assured, reading chapter books in Y1, learns everything first time and does run rings around her. So hard for DD1.

RishisPA · 08/04/2022 15:50

@Fantail999 I can just see that happening sadly

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CatsArePeople · 08/04/2022 16:01

I'm afraid its more of a personality thing rather than maturity. They will stop crying eventually, but graduate to sulking

RishisPA · 08/04/2022 16:30

@CatsArePeople that’s interesting and definitely could be true! I hate whinging and crying there doesn’t seem to be any good way to deal with it and takes ages to come round…

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