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Original poster

Sad on baby's first birthday - anyone else?

16 replies

gotalittlebug · 07/04/2022 17:33

My DS is one!! It's been a hell of a year. My son was premature, unwell and I was suicidal with PND (but I am much better now).

And...here we are. Just like that. He's my first and most likely only child (husband is 100% one and done, I am 90-something% sure) - maybe that is part of it.

Has anyone else felt this way on their children's birthdays?

OP posts:
OnceuponaRainbow18 · 07/04/2022 17:35

Oh I always feel sad on big occasions as they never go as well as I hoped or I try so hard to make them Special I’m Exhausted

twinsetandpearl · 07/04/2022 17:36

I think it's a bittersweet moment definitely

Why is your DH "one and done"

Keithlovessmash · 07/04/2022 17:50

Oh yes! I cried buckets the night before my ds turned one. He was going to be the only child.

11 years later I had dd, 6 years after that I had another dd.

I wasn’t too bad on their first birthdays.

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FTEngineerM · 07/04/2022 17:56

Nah I shrieked with excitement that we’d made it out of the most difficult year of my life.

StrongerOrWeaker · 07/04/2022 18:03

I was the opposite. Delighted we had survived the first year that was truly horrendous. Guess we all have different experiences of parenthood!
There will be lots of exciting steps ahead for your daughter 🙂

Leggingslife · 07/04/2022 18:10

I had a traumatic birth. I find it hard to celebrate my child's birthday as to me it's the anniversary of one of the worst things that ever happened to me. I feel like that every year, but hope it will lessen with time. And of course, I keep it to myself.

MangosteenSoda · 07/04/2022 18:12

It was actually one of the worst days of my life. We had just received a diagnosis (which turned out to be not fully accurate) and I thought we wouldn’t have many more birthdays to come.

In actuality, we don’t have normal birthdays, but we do have birthdays which is what ultimately counts.

Only one of my party-going friends knew what was going on and she was brilliant. Do share with trusted people and good luck going forward.

Original poster
gotalittlebug · 07/04/2022 18:13

Thank you so much for your replies, it's really helpful to hear the different perspectives Flowers

OP posts:
mellongoose · 08/04/2022 06:42

We high fived that we'd kept her alive and unharmed for a whole year...and stayed together!!!

linerforlife · 08/04/2022 06:48

I felt like my DDs babyhood was over and was very sad. I look back now as she's approaching 2 and I would say she's only just become a proper toddler vs a baby in the couple of months so don't know what I was worried about!!

Forshorttheycallmecomp · 08/04/2022 06:51

Yup, I always have a dollop of melancholy on their birthday. Regret, relief, disappointment. But as they get older it is more about celebration.

BookHermitBlack · 08/04/2022 06:56

@Leggingslife

I had a traumatic birth. I find it hard to celebrate my child's birthday as to me it's the anniversary of one of the worst things that ever happened to me. I feel like that every year, but hope it will lessen with time. And of course, I keep it to myself.
I was the same 18 years on its muore a passing moment. In the early days I'd think what would dc life have been like without me/all the things I would have missed. Op I think it's quite natural to reflect on anniversaries both the good and bad times. Just make sure it doesn't continue.
whiteroseredrose · 08/04/2022 07:28

I missed my PFB DS's first birthday because I had to go an a training course (for a product that was never launched 😢).

I still feel guilty.

However at that age they don't actually know. Birthdays are much more fun when they are older.

fizzandchips · 08/04/2022 07:28

I hear you. My son’s birth day, was truly one of the worst days of my life. We both stayed in hospital for weeks afterwards. I thought I had put it behind me, but on the run up to his first birthday I realised I had simply suppressed everything. I explained to friends and family how I was feeling and received lots of, “but you’re both fine now” “you’ve got a healthy one year old”. I pretended to enjoy his birthday and the subsequent ones after that, but every year felt like I was celebrating a day I’d really rather forget. Honestly, I think it was his 14th or 15th birthday before I just woke up and wished him a happy birthday. Now a few years on I’ve spoken a bit more about this and received kinder responses. I hear you OP.

iknowthismuchis · 08/04/2022 07:39

I felt sad too, I think it's really normal. There are lots of wonderful times ahead of you, it'll be ok

beeswain · 08/04/2022 10:43

Big hug to you.
My ds was also premature and is also my only. He was very poorly in NICU for quite a while and so many of his birthdays were tinged with a little trauma of what we went through - that's only natural. It definitely got better as he got older.
The he was 18 it suddenly hit me again - I spent the day in tears, an overwhelming mixture of pride, love and still thoughts of the miracle that brought him to us and kept him with us. I emailed a picture to the obstetrician and neonatal consultants and thanked them all over again.
You will have many wonderful years to celebrate, be kind to yourself.

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