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Original poster

What age do your children stop asking you to go out?

9 replies

Orangesunflower · 07/04/2022 16:24

Just had a thought, as my nearly 16 year old said, ‘mum I’m going to the shop with xyz’

It’s the first time she’s said she’s going somewhere, rather than asking, ‘Can I go …’

I was fine with it and just said ‘ok! (Buy me some chocolate)’

But if she were going to a party/ out in the evening I would expect her to ask. But she’s my eldest so every parenting step is new for me with her.

I just wondered what was normal in everyone else’s household?

OP posts:

Keithlovessmash · 07/04/2022 16:34

Ds quite late, 18.

But then he didn’t go out much before 16, then covid and a big house move across the country at the same time and he didn’t know anyone here, he was 17, almost 18 when he met people here and the first few times he would say “can I go to X house his weekend?” but that was mainly because he needed a lift as the person he knew was CEV and his parents asked that fiends didn’t get public transport across the city to see him, which was fair enough.

He was 19 last October and Since Jan he’s been working and has a great social life (at last!!) and now he’ll just say “i’m going here tonight, or I’ll be going to x place at the weekend”. He’ll also text me if he’s going out after work and not coming back until late.

sashagabadon · 07/04/2022 16:43

Probably around 14. The first time is a bit of a shock I agree but I see / saw it is as a positive. They had friends they wanted to go out with, had organised said outing / arrangements etc and I didn’t need to do it!
But I would ask for home times, something reasonable, not too late ( flexible depending on where they are going)
Be proud! It’s a parenting goal to achieve independent children who can organise themselves and sounds like you have achieved the goal. Doesn’t mean you allow anything and everything and school nights still mean have you got homework? etc but my advice is to try and allow as much as you can (assuming they have nice enough friends )

Howmanydaysuntilfriday · 07/04/2022 16:56

Depends. My friends growing up didn't ever ask as their parents were usually at work on weekends or after school. I always asked because I lived out of area and would need a lift. About 15/16 seems about right for going to hang out with friends and to the shops and daytime things but if out late then permission is likely needed until 18 if they are living in your home. Not so much permission but more of ' I'm going to a party at this place and will be back at this time, is that alright?'

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Families

mollyblack · 07/04/2022 17:02

My youngest is 12 and will ask if its something out of the ordinary, going to a new place or a new persons house etc or if its a time we might be doing something else as a family or he knows its a bit late,, but generally he just says, I'm going out and goes to meet friends, goes to shops etc.

Original poster

Orangesunflower · 07/04/2022 18:00

Yes, it was a bit of a shock!

She is very sensible , revises 24/7 for her GCSEs - I have to tell her to stop and take a break! Her friends are also sensible so no issues.

Thanks @sashagabadon, I never saw it that way- as in be proud I am raising a child who is becoming independent.

The eldest is always a bit of a minefield - she is always saying ‘You never let me do xyz’ when I was 12 about the other 2. I’m a lot more relaxed with them!

OP posts:

sashagabadon · 07/04/2022 18:24

In 2 years she’ll possibly be off to uni, living far away from home and you won’t know what she is doing! Think of the next two years as training for this ( and you)

Original poster

Orangesunflower · 07/04/2022 19:20

@sashagabadon you’re right!

Won’t have a clue what she is doing!

I laugh because earlier on in the year she was very late home and I was so stressed, constantly texting her.
The other day, she was late home and I totally forgot that she was out !

She came home and said ‘ Oh wow, so you don’t even care about me anymore’ 😂

OP posts:

Stompythedinosaur · 07/04/2022 19:50

Surely it depends on whether it is something they know they are ok to do or not? My 10 and 9yos wouldn't ask if they were going to play out or go to the local park or in a neighbour's house, but they would ask if they were OK to go further afield.

DragonOverTheMoon · 07/04/2022 19:57

My dd is 16 and yr 11 too OP. It's hard with the 1st.

She would have definitely had to ask to go out at some of the ages of other posters DC. I couldn't imagine a child saying I'm going out like that! Maybe I've been more strict with mine but what if you have plans and they've just shouted cheerio and left. I'd be fuming having to wait in for them and I am strict but also very lax about staying home alone ect.

But anyway she doesn't ask anymore, but does ask if we are doing anything - so she said to me tonight "have we got plans this weekend?" Then she can make her plans around what we've got on and if she wants to join in or not.

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