Comfort eating ... to the point of morbid obesity

[comforteaterhelp]

I'm having therapy just now for trauma issues, therapist identified today that I have a lot of issues around food and eating .

I've been overweight since I was tiny, I was underweight initially then ballooned to 7 stone at age 8, 14 stone by age 14 . I've always eaten for pleasure, comfort, boredom, occasionally as a self harm mechanism. I can eat enormous amounts of food to the point I'm physically uncomfortable . I've got a sweet tooth which doesn't help at all, live off convenience crap .

When bad things happened at home or at school, and they happened all the time, I ate . When I was tired, angry, sad, or happy, or traumatised, I ate .

I've never enjoyed PE, or any sort of exercise at all . I've never felt good about my body . I'm dyspraxic and school said it wasn't worth me doing PE lessons so told to take a book to the library instead . As an adult I've tried yoga and pilates but cant mirror the movements and just feel stupid and enormous .

I've always had enormous difficulty with clothes, etc, too and would desperately love to be little and slim, and to be able to buy nice clothes, as opposed to huge and to have to stick to yours or new look curves .

I was bullied a bit by family and often told I was fat/ugly/lazy and that 'no-one would ever marry that' .

I've been back and forth to the GP dozens of times, told various diets, including one a GP made up on the spot that indicated she had disordered eating herself, told to cut out sweets, etc, told to try WW or slimming fast . Saw a dietician years ago who said I should switch to light mayo . I tried Team RH a couple of years ago and lost 4 stone but as soon as I stopped boom, weight back on .

I got help in school from the school nursing team who weighed me discreetly every six weeks when I was 15, and with their help I did lose weight, I think I got down to a size 14/16 at one point, but then the school nurse in question left her job, and I regained rapidly .

I'm now almost three times the weight I should be . I can't lie flat, I'm breathless, I get fungal infections and I'm so embarrassed of myself . I had to get a breast exam from GP once years ago and couldn't take my top off for embarrassment . I'm now struggling to stand for long because its so tiring, let alone go for walks .

Therapist said I've done nothing wrong but I don't like talking about my weight . I'm so horrendously disgusted with myself and sad . When I think about why I gained weight in the first place - I know exactly why - I just want to cry and cry . She said in time I can learn new coping mechanisms but eating like this is all I've ever known and I'm terrified of what the alternatives are .

the thing is when I think about it I get sad and angry with me . When I get angry with me, I eat . When I try to diet I feel like I'm being punished and I get angry again .

I don't know what the better alternative is .

I don't know what to do, therapist said to do something positive for myself tonight so I've made some sweet potato and chilli soup for tea, which seems good and low calorie, but am sitting crying and crying . I haven't got another appt for three weeks which seems a long time to be sitting with this too .

Is there any short term coping strategies .. how do I manage all these 'difficult' feelings as counsellor said?

First of all well done for writing this all down and wanting some help. I have been and to an extent I'm still in the same position as you. I get it.
Have you seen your GP about binge eating disorder - only ask as I take Prozac - Fluxotine and this helps me keep my binging down. Lots of the time it's a chemical thing in our brains that means we are seeking dopamine which we get from food. Things that have helped me are my prozac as mentioned and I did have weightloss surgery, however that's a tool and it's important to try and find another way of self soothing instead of eating. Have you got friends and hobbies and stuff xx

Can you be kinder to yourself. What if a friend had written this post - what would you say to them?
Right now maybe don’t think about low calorie - think about what’s healthy and kind to put into your body. So soup is good. You also need protein to be full - so add a tin of chickpeas. Or Hummas and some crackers on the side. Or some sliced chicken breast.
Maybe try to think of some other activities that are enjoyable and concentrate your mind - reading a book, do a puzzle, face mask.
Be kind to yourself. It’s also ok to feel those emotions. Maybe the Samaritans might be helpful if you need a listening ear.

Also This charity might be helpful in between therapist meetings? www.oagb.org.uk/

Oh, love.

The thing is, anyone who reads this will want to put their arms around you and care for the little girl who should have been properly valued and nurtured.

I know nothing about eating disorders or trauma, but this stood out; When I try to diet I feel like I'm being punished and I get angry again . 2 years ago I lost significant weight, but I had to do it from a POV of healthier eating being a reward for me. Nurturing and taking care of my body. The whole thing about ‘diets’ will fail if you see it as the hardship to be endured as punishment for eating.

As your therapist said: you have done nothing wrong!

Well done, a massive well done, you DID do something positive for yourself, you made a really delicious sounding healthy soup. I hope it was enjoyable.

For now, make small changes. Little healthy investments in nurturing yourself. Swap an unhealthy snack for a healthy one. And be really pleased with yourself, proud of each change.

I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling crap. I get it. You're brilliant for riting it all down and naming it.

Ultimately this is about thinking you're worth expending effort for and the therapy will help with that but I appreciate that's long term and you're feeling crap RIGHT NOW.

For me I feel that writing it out helps - maybe thinking of an episode from childhood and describing it, or writing down the exact feelings you're having (as you have here really), and sometimes that's enough. Other things are getting out of the house to buy something small for myself like a nice smelling hand cream or a lovely pen - not food. Treat yourself like the little girl who had a horrible time and comfort her by getting a blanket and watching TV, or having a nice bath/shower, or massaging your feet. Or yes distract yourself with puzzles and whatnot.

Separate to this I have found intermittent fasting really good for feeling that I'm getting in control of what I eat (but I wouldn't advise doing it without advice). When you reach the fasting time it's like 'OK I'm not eating until 11 tomorrow (or whatever) but then I can have whatever I want.

You are a good and worthwhile person. Your body is a good and useful thing that has contained your lovely self all these years. Time to start finding ways of acknowledging that.

Sweetheart. I think that overeaters anonymous would be so helpful for you.

Please try it - www.oagb.org.uk

One of the best pieces of advice that I have ever been given is to 'live' your feelings.

Particularly in the West, we are told we should always strive for happiness, but that's not realistic: it is perfectly normal and human to be sad, angry, fearful, anxious etc.

However, in a bid to try to achieve 'peak happiness' all the time, we try to repress these emotions by self-medicating with booze, food, cigarettes, drugs, exercise, shopping etc, but most of these are unhealthy and/or expensive and none of them are sustainable.

Learn to sit with your feelings and experience them. It won't be comfortable - in fact, it will initially be very uncomfortable - but that's fine. You'll get better at it and learn how to manage your emotions.

It's good that you're having therapy, but I would recommend adding some kind of mindfulness practice to your daily routine - meditation, yogic breathing, whatever.

Peace comes from within and, once you learn how to find that, you'll find your reliance on external coping mechanisms such as food may lessen.

Hi OP,

First, just wanted to send a huge hug. What you are going through is incredibly tough.

The thing about disordered eating is that you can’t go cold turkey. As humans, we have to eat regularly and that means thinking about and interacting with food multiple times per day. This can be painful if you are working through feelings around food that have been stirred up.

I have a few things from personal experience which may help you get through these next weeks until your next appointment.

Practice body neutrality. You don’t have to start to think positively about your body if that feels too hard right now. But, if you catch yourself feeling negatively towards it, try switching to neutral thoughts such as “this is a human stomach.” “These are a pair of human legs.”

Even if you can’t be any more positive than that, they are true statements that can’t be argued with, and better to have those thoughts in place of things like “I am so fat” or “I’m ashamed of X”.

Next, something that I find really helpful is to almost think of having a board of trustees in my head (if you have seen the Disney movie “inside out”) you will know what I mean.

Two of my characters are Mind and Body.

Mind is always operating on full pelt. She needs to get things done, and she’ll consume whatever she needs (caffeine, sugar, quick food) to keep going. When she’s tired, anxious or sad, she’ll use food and drink to perk herself up or for comfort, rather than dealing with the actual emotion.

Body is calmer. She has simple needs. She wants to eat food that feels good to her and gives her the energy and nutrients she needs. She needs good, proper rest. She also doesn’t really like it when we eat more than we need, because she has to work harder to digest it, and feels bloated and uncomfortable. She likes lots of water.

Often, Mind is so loud and frantic that body’s preferences get ignored. I am trying to mediate a new relationship with them, in order to meet the needs of Mind in new and different ways, and let Body be heard in the food, movement, and rest choices we make.

Obviously, you will have your own characters who may be different from mine, but taking the time to listen to the competing needs within your mind may help you to uncover what you truly need, rather than food.

Be kind to yourself.

I'm massive, too, as big as you (maybe bigger) so can sympathise.

I wish I could tell you how to escape from the cycle. You are abusing food, to self-medicate, to push down your feelings, something like that. It's just like people who abuse drugs or drink. It's a coping mechanism and once you can accept that, you will be on your way to healing.

The answer may be to find another way to self-medicate, a way to get your feelings out instead of suppressing them.

I don't have the answer, sorry, but feel free to DM me.

I have found brain over binge a helpful book and I know lots of others have too. I am so sorry you have been traumatised and that it is affecting you in this way. You are right to be angry it’s bloody unfair. 💐

There's loads of great and kind advice here. I'm slowly learning how to cope with similar problems, though I have managed to lose and keep off a significant amount of weight over the last 18 months.

Lots of 'diet' approaches won't work for you, as you've already identified.

1. Try and make positive changes- rather than denying yourself things, give yourself healthy things.

1. You may have bad days, but that's far better than every day being a bad day. Every single good one will be a step in the right direction.

1. Think about what you are going to eat, and enjoy every mouthful. No more quickly stuffing in a handful of something you think you shouldn't have. Serve a small amount and sit and relish every last mouthful. Eat the good things first. If you've had a high protein salad and now you want some crisps- have them. After the salad.

There's no magic bullet. I used a diet club for all sorts of reasons, and it worked for me. What really worked though, was being kind to myself. It isn't about only ever eating rabbit food. It's about eating a bit better today than you did yesterday.

One thing that helps me with my low feelings is to have a box of "bad day" cards. Each card has a small thing I can do for myself on it - it might be a bath with nice bath oil (or to buy it), to buy a magazine and sit down and read it, to buy a bunch of flowers etc. When I'm feeling grim I can pull a card out at random and follow it. The other thing that helps is to sometimes acknowlege I'm having an awful day and just wrap up in my duvet and sleep.

Protein is really important for the production of feel good hormones so if you feel low and eat try and eat a portion of protein on the ground that it will "make you feel better" in the mid term rather than the short term. Have a stash of easy protein - snap pots of low sugar/salt baked beans, tins of fish and hard boiled eggs.

They have identified a gene which can cause this.

Also does anyone in your family have ADHD - me and a few of my friends have self medicated with food for most of our lives due to not being diagnosed. It's super common.

For myself, I find it is helpful to have something to cuddle/stroke. I have pets but a cuddly toy or doll would also work (and the nice thing is that a doll would be a present for young you, who is hurting). You are so brave and strong to have admitted you have a problem and seek help. You should be so proud of yourself for that.

I know I am currently bigger than you, I get what you say. I have yo yo a lot over my life, which is a shame at one point I got down to a size 12! I will never do that again. I would be happy to get back down to a 24!

I suggest sleeping on your left side it helps reduce pressure on your organs. Also a bed slide sheet will help you turn over, I use these ones www.thesnoozle.com.

Regarding the breathlessness. If you snore a lot as well (there are phone apps which will record your sleep sounds) it might be worth asking the doctor to refer you for a sleep study, in case you have sleep apnoea. Untreated sleep apnoea is more common in woman of a certain size and it zaps your day time energy.

I highly recommend writing your food intake in My Fitness Pal, just the act of writing down what you are eating makes you more aware of it. I have always lost weight by doing this alongside gentle exercise and last time I lost loads I think it was 6 or 7 stone. I use the free version of the app. No diet just writing down my food intake.

Regarding exercise I hear you. Six weeks ago I was really struggling to even stand with my crutches (I have underlying leg and arm nerve damage) but my extra weight was just too much.

So I invested in medical pedals so I could be strapped into the recumbent exercise bike we already had. It is brilliant. Relatively comfortable with massive bench seat and I just watch TV. I have been doing it Monday to Friday for six weeks and I have clearly lost some weight and it is much easier to move around already.

We bought our recumbent bike years ago second hand, it didn't cost much maybe £40 or something.

I haven't got an answer for the emotions side of it, still fighting my own demons on that front. But if you want to offload to someone in the same boat as yourself, PM me.

Be kind to yourself, you deserve happiness and love like everyone else and your weight is just a number. [Flowers]

Over-eating is a form of self harm just like cutting yourself.

There is no easy fix but your main goal is to focus on your happiness - do things that make you feel better about yourself like painting your nails, doing your make-up, hair etc.

Do not restrict any food.
The more you cut something out the more you’ll crave it and eat it as a reward for a good day or punishment for a bad day.

I would start WW or SW again if possible.

Or I would simply calorie count - download my fitness pal and put on everything you’re eating now. Then reduce this by 500 kcals.

Eat whatever you want as long as you stay in your calorie goal - the idea is to eat as much physical food as you can whilst still being in your goal.
If you have a day where you go over then just start fresh the next day - I can guarantee that you’ll eat less calories overall still because you’re being mindful of what you’re eating.

Find low calorie snacks you can binge on if you need to - popcorn, sugar free jelly, ice pops etc.

I would try and walk for 10 minutes everyday too. The fresh air and exercise genuinely makes me feel better about myself.

Also go to sleep as early as you can.

What is your lifestyle like?
Do you work? Have DCs or a partner etc?

Hey! Sounds sooo tough and like you’ve been through a lot of pain and trauma. I would HIGHLY recommend the podcast called Free from binge eating with Brid. It’s been like hearing myself talk about my relationship with food and sounds like you would feel similar. I can’t give any answers as I’m still battling my own demons but I want to wish you luck. ❤️