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Original poster

Dealing with ungrateful children

46 replies

Stopsnowing · 05/04/2022 22:23

I am so very tired of taking my children on holiday. Every time I say it will be the last time and then hope triumphs over experience and I take them
Away again. They are ungrateful, moan, squabble and show no interest in anything. It is a huge financial sacrifice to take them (these are cheap budget U.K. hols) and also tiring for me. I tried staycations and that was even worse. I have tried expressing how I feel and frankly they just don’t care. I really don’t think they deserve a holiday given how they behave and I really resent them for it.

OP posts:

Silverswirl · 05/04/2022 23:01

Can so relate. Have kids the same age and it’s hard and hurtful.
Mine do moan but at the same time look back with fond memories at previous things we have done.
If we didn’t go, they would be upset we weren’t going anywhere!

RedDiamond · 05/04/2022 23:02

@Stopsnowing

Tomorrow I will ask them for their ideal holiday. They almost certainly won’t have any compatible ideas with each other but I might be proved wrong.

Nope! Tomorrow, you will not even mention holidays.

They will never agree. It will be a total waste of your love, time and energy. Just forget holidays for a few years and whatever you were thinking about spending on holidays, put away in a secret savings pot for when you can do your first single indulgent holiday...

Wombat98 · 05/04/2022 23:03

Say you need a holiday, let them plan it.

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Eeksteek · 05/04/2022 23:09

@Stopsnowing

Tomorrow I will ask them for their ideal holiday. They almost certainly won’t have any compatible ideas with each other but I might be proved wrong.

I tried this. Mine always comes up with something that is not actually possible FFS. (It was some kind of space excursion last time). Or wants to be permanently glued to her phone and for me to bring her a constant stream of snacks in bed. There appears to be nothing in between.

Couchpotato3 · 05/04/2022 23:22

My parents scrimped and saved to take us on holiday as teenagers and most of the time I hated it, because they insisted on an itinerary every day to 'make the most' of the holiday. Sometimes kids just want and need down time.

They are old enough to have an honest conversation - try to keep it emotionally neutral - and ask them what they would really like to do? Give them a say in planning the holiday (and work in some time for each of them to do what they want while the other eg goes to a holiday club or sits it out if necessary). If they come up with the ideas, they are much less likely to bitch about it?

belxbel · 06/04/2022 10:50

like the first reply. did you ask what they'd like to do and where they want to go? (given that staying at home being a couch potato is not an option)

I found that booking a Europe trip of 4-5 days came out equal as holiday in UK (that included airfare, car hire, better food and beaches too).

CatsArePeople · 06/04/2022 11:59

I was that child. How did my parents dare to pry me off tv and drag me across Europe for sightseeing

Now my kids are the same. My oldest was even worse - he was into XR and environmentalism, so going on a cruise was like forcing him to commit a crime

I don't really expect gratitude or enthusiasm. I make sure they have wifi so they keep quiet.

Really I wish there were kennels for teenagers by airports or seaports. Stick them in there with unlimited wifi and takeaway food - they'll be happy and parents have a nice quiet holiday to themselves.

SierpinskiSquare · 06/04/2022 22:33

How long are you going for? A week away with family is a loooooong time. Could you do some short trips?

underneaththeash · 06/04/2022 22:55

I wouldn't enjoy a cheap budget holiday like basic camping/ butlins. I would enjoy a cottage in Cornwall or Devon within driving distance to the sea though.

CatsArePeople · 07/04/2022 07:40

like the first reply. did you ask what they'd like to do and where they want to go?

That would be anywhere and everywhere, only with wads of cash in their pockets and NO PARENTS

GeneLovesJezebel · 07/04/2022 07:42

Honestly, it’s hard work taking away kids who don’t want to go. I’d stay at home and have days out until they’re old enough to be left.
I’ve spent thousands taking kids away that don’t want to go. One of mine sat in the room on his phone 🤦🏼‍♀️

CatsArePeople · 07/04/2022 07:49

I’ve spent thousands taking kids away that don’t want to go. One of mine sat in the room on his phone 🤦🏼‍♀️

It's annoying, but its ok. At least they're not moaning, or fighting with each other.
I wouldn't want to have no holidays until all are over 18.

Ylvamoon · 07/04/2022 07:53

Get them to plan and "execute" some activities. Give them a choice of 3-4 activities- anything from waterpark, lunch at burger joint or even a museum.
Give each DC their day & a Mum day under the understanding that the others tuggs along.

LimeSegment · 07/04/2022 08:10

It's annoying, but you said it yourself, they don't want to go. What would be ungrateful is they begged for the holiday then moaned while there. But they've told you they won't want to go and they would rather stay at home and relax with screens. That might seem like a shame to you, but it's a bit unrealistic to expect teens to do something they don't want to do at all and put on a happy face to please you. The holiday is for you, not them.

It's like taking a baby to an art gallery and complaining the baby didn't enjoy it, well of course not, it may be annoying for the adult that wanted to go, but it's just not something a baby can enjoy at this stage of their lives. And it's the same with teens and family holidays.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 07/04/2022 08:17

I have children of similar ages. We don't book any child activities, we just do more adult things. Maybe they are ready for something more grown up, it's no fun being in kids groups and clubs when you're the oldest. I'd do the art galleries or whatever you want to do.

belxbel · 07/04/2022 10:13

Reading the comments realized many hate to travel with parents at their teenies and tweens is there really nothing to trade? I remember I loooooove theme parks and Disneyland. Back in my teenage years, I've had been very "good", behave on family trips, every Eurostar trips, I went to like 3 galleries/chateau guided tours with my parents so that they would then bring me to Disney at the end of the trip lol (I still love Disney now at 31)

Alonelonelylonersbadidea · 07/04/2022 10:15

Ours did PGL one year and it was the best money I have ever spent!!

belxbel · 07/04/2022 10:15

And I have two sons, no daughter. I have always imagine if I have a daughter and we will go facial, spa, manicure, shopping, and hi tea together

TheLadyDIdGood · 07/04/2022 10:16

In the summer leave them with somebody and go on a holiday by yourself or with your partner. If they complain, say that because they found the last break boring you couldn't possibly put them through it again.

Thatsplentyjack · 07/04/2022 10:23

Well I remember after the age of about 12 I hated going away with my parents on holiday. Just wanted to stay at home and watch TV, laze about and go out with my friends.

BertieBotts · 07/04/2022 10:27

When you do the planning a fantasy holiday, you have to take the ideas in good grace - obviously space isn't possible, but if you write it down it's a starting point and maybe you can get somewhere. Perhaps travelling to a space museum or space themed theme park or something would be fun for example or finding a zero-gravity experience, visiting USA deserts are almost like another planet (obv might be out of budget but doesn't hurt to fantasise).

Lying around on phones with endless snacks = why not look at all inclusive resorts with wifi? Isn't that basically lying around with snacks?? And you as mum would not have to be the waitress, at those ages they don't need much supervision either.

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