Extremely Depressed

[Hopeless44556]

Hi

I am currently unexpectedly expecting baby number three.

I am suffering from extreme depression.

People keep saying the middle one always suffers and gets left out and now I just can't go on thinking I may have ruined my current youngest child's life.

I am so depressed.

Should I abort?

I was the middle and didn't get left out at all.

I would consider other aspects of your situation and don't worry about that.

Did two siblings ever leave the other one out?

I'm just so worried as my two are so close now, I just feel so guilty and hopeless x

No it was more of a case of one sibling having another to fall back on if a sibling was busy. We did different things in different pairs and sometimes as a three. I think gender can make quite a difference but ultimately it would probably be a changing dynamic throughout their lives anyway, with times of closeness and little tiffs. If there are three you have a go between!

I have two girls at the moment. Do you think another girl may come between them?

It all depends on the personalities and ages. It's unlikely to be an issue for a good while as they'll be the big girls together. The middle child syndrome is more about your parenting and you'll be alert to that. In any family you have people who hit it off better than others, in childhood and sometimes it changes as they grow. I don't know many who would be without any of their siblings. There's so much to be learnt and enjoyed with each individual personality. I think your depression is causing you to look at this through a particularly dark lens. In all probability a new baby/toddler will be a source of endless amusement and sporadic frustration, changing as she ages to more of a player in her own right. She could be a placid, peaceful soul who has a calming presence in the home or she could lead everyone by the nose to the point it's impossible to imagine her being left out.

Speaking as a middle child I’d say whether the middle one is pushed out or not is more due to the parents attitude than the other kids. Siblings get on well some of the time, get on bearable some of the time, fall out some of the time, that’s life. I’m sure that just as now you don’t let one of your girls get left out of anything, you’ll do the same when there are 3.

If you don’t want to continue with the pregnancy that’s your choice. Could it be you just didn’t want to be pregnant again and the “middle child” question is your get out? Perhaps speaking with someone IRL will help. Whatever you choose, for whatever reason, is ok. You have choices.

Thank You for your replies.
My main concern is my two girls get on so well at the moment and I'm terrified of spoiling that relationship.

I would never forgive myself if two ended up getting along and one didn't as much, I'm not sure what to do x

Honestly OP, your main worry should be your depression. You're not thinking rationally. Maternal mental health is a far bigger influence on child wellbeing than birth order.
Have you talked to your GP or midwife about your depression?

I really want to but I'm scared I'll look like a horrible person, I know I should be pleased about being pregnant, but I'm just depressed and low at what a third child may bring to our family

Hi have 3, our 3rd was a surprise baby. Love is limitless, they'll have more love in their lives not less 💓