Describe the most cautious person you know

[GigglingPinkGiraffe]

Was chatting to a friend earlier and she was moaning about her lockdown loving mum (all lighthearted - her mum is ok and friend has helped her mum feel more safe/comfortable).

Anyway, it got me thinking of a childhood friend's mother who...

• had an under stairs cupboard filled with tins and essentials just incase of a world disaster
• did monthly household fire drills
• would take us by car and accompany us shopping even when we were 16
• removed all products with traces of nuts from her cupboards when I was coming over despite my mother reassuring her I was not that allergic
• hired a minibus for our small village primary class as the school trip was a few months after a local minor freak railway incident where a tree fell on the line. She did not think the school should take us by train into town to visit the museum.

She was the kindest, sweetest lady, just also the biggest worrier I've ever met. And this was decades pre-covid.

Describe the most cautious person you know...

You’ve basically described half of MN 😂

😂 @Eloise666 😂

I know someone who puts a helmet and knee and elbow guards on her toddler for playing on playgrounds. Regular playgrounds for toddlers, not toddler obstacle courses or somesuch.

My friend. During lockdown I was allowed to see her in her back garden - but I had to get there by going through her house, so I had to put on a mask and run down her hall and kitchen into the garden, with her shouting "Don't touch the doors! They're open for you!"

My man was so anxious she could barely function, and it got worse as she got older. She never got over me leaving our village to go to university - didn’t understand why I would ever want to, and goodness knows how I was going to survive in the big city. I can absolutely imagine her looking at that list of things your friend’s mother did and thinking it entirely reasonable behaviour!

Sadly, the most cautious person I know was the victim of DV and stalking and nearly died a few times. Sometimes people can’t release the trauma and only feel safe if they behave in a certain way.

Yes, a relative of mine.
Biggest worry wart going.

A while back, there was a freak accident near my home area.
A tame horse had bolted from a field, ran out on to a major road and hit a car and killed the driver.
Horse was caught and euthanised.
Relative told us we shouldn't drive on that road anymore.

Bonkers.

This isn't worrying it's anxiety and they need help / medication . Life is full of dangers .
I have only experienced anxiety in menopause having previously been very gungho about life !

I have a friend who wouldn't let their child go to uni and consequently works in Tesco !
My dd is going to uni this year and yes I'm very afraid but she must live her life . I would never stop her or hold her back through my own fear !

The people I’ve known that are very cautious have been suffering from OCD and/or autism. People have laughed at them but it’s been bloody heartbreaking to see the impact on their lives.

My parents. I haven't seen them for 3 years and they won't see me unless I isolate for a week and sit in the garden with a mask on the whole time and don't touch anything. I work full time so I don't have the time or inclination to do this. Also I live 6 hours drive away.
The latest in a long line of paranoid behaviour.

Yes, my parents have shut up shop, due to covid, too.
They're now in Year 3 of isolation. They will die that way.

My mother. Very suffocating behaviour which is why I live at the other end of the country. I've unfortunately become intolerant of her self inducing drama caused by her cautious behaviour.

My mother. Selective anxiety and caution though for when it suits.

An aunt.
Her daughter keeps secrets from her because she can’t face the guilt of her mother not sleeping, eating and functioning if she drives 50 miles down the motorway for a shopping trip.
My aunts life literally stops if either of her kids go further than the end of the road.
She has been prescribed diazepam as she just cannot cope with normal every day life ups and downs.
It’s really really really really hard work.

My df has always had health anxiety, is terrified everytime one of us visits him because if we have a car accident it will be his fault apparently.
Everyone is a scammer.
He had to lie down while I set up direct debits for his energy and ct.
He's 90 now and exhausting.
When we were dc we weren't allowed food from mobile shops, he sprayed the house with insecticide in summer (tbf polio was rife) and hammered nails into the stair carpet in case we tripped.
And if a piece of clothing hasn't been roasted on a radiator for a week then it's too damp to wear.

My work colleague, who is a single mother, was furious when her son came back from his fathers with a grazed knee. Apparently she's NEVER EVER let him fall over. It's neglectful that he should have fallen over. She ALWAYS holds his hand so he doesn't fall. He's not allowed to run on his own. He was six.

My poor Dad turns everything into a drama.
He spends him time saying "careful, watch out" to everyone.
I can't bear him being round my children too much as he doesn't want them to move in case they hurt themselves.
Luckily covid means he doesn't think it's "safe" to see them.

We once got chased out our then local park - another mother sucked all the joy out so kids asked to leave - constant horror stories imagined dangers - I don''t think anything was actaully safe not even the swings.

My parents feed off each other - and can be quite drainning especailly around trips. MN usually says to "be kind" phone immediatley so they don't worry adding to my stress - involved them in planning - understand when they spring at the kids walking across the room happily as they suddenly think of unlikley dangers.

Personally I've found less they are indulged better and happier they actually are.

My MIL is a total worrypants. If ever a child is moving around the room or garden she is wincing with every step and saying be careful at every minor hazard. She often worries about upset stomachs too - too much fruit, too much this, that or the other. I really stress her out I expect with my free and easy ways, I believe everything will always be fine, worrying about really unlikely what-ifs is such a waste of headspace.

She is absolutely lovely however.

My MIL has a strange combination of being excessively cautious about some things but being worryingly unable to see real dangers.

Eg. When we took her on holiday to Spain she had a list of 'safe' foods that she expected us to stick to (deep fried or packaged UK brands)[we didn't] and panicked when the teenage DC went in to the deep end of the pool without DH, even though they are strong swimmers. But she couldn't understand why we didn't think it was a good idea for her and DD to walk in to town alone in the dark down an unlit road.

She is horrified that we allow DD (17) to get public transport to school on her own but the day she got her provisional driving licence (having never driven a car before) she suggested that DD should drive to the next town with her (aged nearly 80 and not a confident driver) supervising!!!

I recently saw a woman climbing (spotting) beneath her son on one of those spiderweb climbing frames. Son looked about six I. E. Capable on his own. They were both fairly high up.

Not sure what she'd have done if he'd have fallen really - they would have both fallen!