Can happiness/gratitude cause depression and anxiety?

[SpiderSnout]

Hear me out, I know this sounds strange but I am struggling very badly and I can't get anybody to understand how I feel. So I don't know if there's something wrong with me, if I'm just not equipped to deal with life or something else. I have three children who I love above all things, they have made me so utterly happy I can't tell you. They made the world seem beautiful to me. I know that I'm lucky and I'm so grateful. But it's exactly this that has made me not able to cope. I'm consumed with worry about bad things happening to them; I feel like I can't cope with how real the world is - the reality of what's happening at the moment has obviously thrown this into even sharper relief. I feel like they are in danger all the time. I can't let myself enjoy the joy they bring because I'm frightened for them. When I've tried to explain this to my mum she tells me I should 'be grateful for what I have and count my blessings'. But I know this, and I do. Can't both things be true? The unspoken side of that phrase is a reminder that these things can be lost. And it's too much. I used to be able to box these feelings up but they've gone out of control now. I have been to see the GP - they said I sound depressed and should go on pills but i got the feeling that was just a standard response. I don't know - I just wondered if this idea of happiness causing such low mood made sense to anybody?

That’s an age old tactic used by news media. To scare readers into thinking they have to buy/read tomorrows edition in case they miss out on some vital bit of life saving information. They create dependency this way.

Yes, I still have that heavy feeling! I can't get rid of it, both seeing what is happening and worrying that we might ourselves get involved/attacked. I think the anxiety is always there and then certain things like this just ramp it up the point of overflowing. An earlier poster mentioned these feelings get more bearable as they get older, I hope so!

Yes! I have this, it's awful. Started 10 years age after the birth of my ds. It's anxiety. I also have intrusive thoughts, like when I'm in work I have visions of something bad happening to dc or them choking in school. No advice but I feel you

Foreboding joy is an excellent description, isn’t it. Brene Brown does a lot of interesting work - books and talks and stuff.

I’ve stopped reading the news as much as possible. It makes it so much worse. But I do get feelings of panic sometimes as well about what my kids may have to experience in life. The darkness of the internet is one thing that’s on my mind although they’re only little at the moment so don’t have access to the internet. But I try to be present with them and enjoy the loveliness of them. I think gratitude can work. You just need to be grateful for them and then stop before you get to the next thought of ‘and what if all this is taken away’. Just be grateful for this moment.

Haven't read the whole thread but this really resonates with me. I love my children so much and want to do the best for them but I get intense overwhelming feelings about whether I'm good enough for them, whether I'm raising them in the best way, scary thoughts about anything happening to them and I feel that my constant anxiety over these issues prevents me from relaxing and just enjoying being in the moment with them.

Will read the rest of the thread tomorrow but it's a relief to know others have similar feelings.

@ICantChoose

When I've tried to explain this to my mum she tells me I should 'be grateful for what I have and count my blessings'

I have become interested in toxic positivity recently. We should count our blessings, but the truth is the world is upsetting too.

@carefullycourageous

When I've tried to explain this to my mum she tells me I should 'be grateful for what I have and count my blessings'

I have become interested in toxic positivity recently. We should count our blessings, but the truth is the world is upsetting too.

That's a great way to put it,it IS toxic positivity. It's like a horrible threat: better be grateful or you'll deserve it when you lose it. You don't deserve to be happy.

You have anxiety. It might be worth a trip to the doctors to talk about it. There are lots of websites/exercises online.

I hope you feel better soon.

Self pressure to ‘be grateful’ can even be part of the anxiety!

I know I keep going on about her but Brene Brown also does a podcast episode on toxic positivity. It’s great too.

I used to have a similar type anxiety about my children’s health. Whenever one of them had a sniffle I’d be convinced it was sepsis etc. hypnotherapy actually really helped me. I only had one session. Worth a go.

I 100% understand this. My children are my absolute world. I love them so much but constantly think “but what if ….” I think lockdowns and covid made us fragile. And what’s happening in the Ukraine is pushing some of us over the edge. I keep having to give my head a wobble and stick to what I say to my children when they watch a scary movie (scary as in the witch in the little mermaid 🤣) the baddies never win. Much more good in the world than bad. But it’s so hard. Ironically I think my anxiety is caused by my happiness of that makes sense? Bloody awful. You’re not alone

You need anxiety medication OP, it's a common thing, and a positive step. Constantly fearing the injury or death of your children or loved ones is a common symptom. Possible CBT alongside medication could help but honestly, I think your GP is right.

It's a form of death anxiety.

The process is now about really accepting that everyone you know and you are going to die at some point. That is life. Nothing anyone can do about it. Nothing.

Once you go through the process of being able to accept this is the reality, you are able to be truly grateful for the day you have ahead of you.

This podcast is brilliant on the topic - especially the intro.

I don't think you need meds.

Thanks for that podcast link, looks generally really good!

I thought it was normal to think about that time DS bumped his head badly because you had five kids, the shopping, one pair of hands and he wouldn’t stop running about. I think of it at least twice a week and feel awful all over again.

Re, toxic positivity- it’s possible to focus on being mature, cheerful, celebrating the good while acknowledging bad things happen. You don’t have to be happy when bad things happen, it’s more making the best of situations, not blaming/worrying/regretting as they are wasted emotions that don’t solve anything and having perspective and maybe an idea of how others feel in a situation rather than just yourself.

Every time I think about ds bumping his head that time, I then feel so glad he is well, happy and I go home and make him laugh.

Sounds like anxiety, which can be horrendous

I don't have children, but particularly at night sometimes feel this way about my wife/ other people I love. I can feel paralysed by my utter inability to stop something awful happening to them ie a catastrophic health problem.

All I know is that I'm happy and depressed at the same time. And it's weird