Feeling very down in myself 14 months after breakup

[Freeda3]

We broke up almost 14 months ago when I discovered he'd never been in love with me. We were together 5 years. I know now there were other red flags I ignored, eg he'd belittle my home, my car, my interests, even the way I chopped vegetables. I've had 3 sessions of counselling last year when I was really heartbroken, and they did help, and I know I'm better off without him. I'm no longer heartbroken but feel incredibly flat and have no interest in anything the last few weeks. Has anyone been through similar with any advice? I feel like I haven't bounced back but that I should have, and I also keeping thinking that his next girlfriend will be "the one", even though I was his longest relationship and he's almost 60. I'm 50.

Hopeful bump maybe!

What are your other life circumstances? Do you work, have a hobby have some friends that make you laugh? You need something, anything in your life so that you stop just focussing on him.

He sounds like an absolute dickhead. Not sure what your counselling focussed on but ask yourself why you put up with him.

My counsellor suggested from what I described that he was a narcissist and actually asked me what I loved about him, which I found hard to answer.

I used to enjoy hill walking, which I have been doing, but alone, so maybe I've had too much time to think about things and I need to get back walking with a group. This breakup happened in tbe middle of lockdown also, which didn't help.

I work and enjoy my job, so at least that's something good in my life. I've a good circle of friends but spend a lot of time alone, which usually I don't mind as I'm fairly introverted, but maybe I've had too much time to think about things.

If his next relationship is 'the one', it will be because he's had a major health crisis - prostate cancer etc. All the charm will come into play to secure the care/financial security he suddenly requires.

Longest relationship 5yrs, age 60 - a red flag you could sailboard with!

It's not you, it's him.

Sorry OP no advice that will help you feel any better except to say that it does get better.

You could try this book

www.amazon.com/Win-Your-Breakup-That-Away-ebook/dp/B09NCDR3X3?tag=mumsnetforu03-21#:~:text=A%20new%20life%20is%20waiting,eggshell%2Dwalk%20your%20way%20through.

which has lots of motivating ideas

Thanks for the book recommendation. I'll have a read of that! I really am trying not to wallow and overall I'm a lot better than I was, not crying etc, but it's just hard to get him and the hurtful things he said at the breakup out of my head.