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Original poster

Noise sensitive Neighbour

29 replies

Fupoffyagrasshole · 04/04/2022 11:59

I'm at my wits end with my neighbour (i've posted about him before) he has complained about our 1 year old being up too early on a Saturday etc

It is a 300 year old building converted to flats - soundproofing is shit!!

I chose to wear headphones in the day when working from home to drown out the noise of them walking around - floors creak with every step, the pipes make a lot of noise when they put hot tap on, flush toilet etc! I accept that this is part of living in a flat and I can't complain too much about normal living! I use white noise at night because I can hear them chatting in their bedroom and again walking around / getting ready for bed etc

The only thing I've ever requested from them is to not have the washing machine on at 11pm (which has happened loads) as it is over my babies room and it is fairly loud!)

well yesterday he came down banging on our door and he said he hasn't gotten any sleep since he moved in here - his bedroom is a no go area, we are too loud! we need to be more considerate, his problems include, us singing to our baby sometimes, our baby screaming (why can't we take her to the living room instead of bedroom!) when we open our window it makes a loud bang! He can hear us talking, he can hear us on work calls.

I have to say I lost it with him - I had my crying baby in my arms when I opened the door and I said to him

Are you telling me I can't sing nursery rhymes to my baby - she's a baby... we have to open our windows sometimes and I can't do much about the noise it makes - I have to work and that involves video calls unfortunately..

I said we hear every footstep you take, your washing machine, your toilet trips, you opening your windows, opening doors, talking, your tv - but we can't complain because we can't tell you to stop walking

I said don't ever knock on my door again as i am starting to feel harassed and uncomfortable in my own home, if you have a legitimate complaint then please take it up with the council and I closed the door.

it is so awkward now, I see him in the hall all the time and I'm starting to feel nervous leaving the house in case I run into him :(

Me and the baby are gone 3 days a week 7-5pm at work & Nursery

I work from home 1 day!

Baby goes to bed and sleeps 7-7 most nights

My Husband & I are in living room from 7 - 10 then we go to bed and go asleep

I really don't know what more we can do

Anyone got any suggestions? Was I right with how I handled it

It's so annoying - I want to be able to just ignore and not let it bother mw and get on with my life -but I feel so nervous all the time when the baby cries, i was singing baa baa black sheep to her the other day and i was almost whispering as I was afraid of the lads complaining again
UGH

OP posts:

Georgeskitchen · 04/04/2022 12:04

I think you were quite restrained under the circumstances. Just make sure log every incident if he keeps harassing you

Roundeartheratchriatmas · 04/04/2022 12:08

I under at and your frustration and he is really being ridiculous - you can hardly help that the soundproofing is poor.

You are hardly having all night parties.

silentpool · 04/04/2022 12:11

Noise sensitive people need to live in detached properties. If you aren't being inconsiderate, then it's his problem, not yours.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

1 year olds

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 04/04/2022 12:17

Hopefully now he knows you aren't a walkover!.
Ignore him op.
You are entitled to live your life as you are imo.

ForeverLooking · 04/04/2022 12:29

Well done for sticking up for yourself. It's normal household noise. Reading mumsnet there are a lot of people out there who expect their neighbours to live in absolute silence 24/7. That's never going to happen. We all have things to do; housework, maintenance, looking after children, work. Some noise has to be expected and accepted as part of life. Like you say, unfortunately a lot of houses and renovations now have awful sound proofing as well which doesn't help. Keep on living your life and don't open the door to him.

Original poster

Fupoffyagrasshole · 04/04/2022 12:46

I am usually pretty good at standing my ground and stuff like this wouldn't normally upset me - i'd usually be of the mindset that I'm doing nothing wrong - ignore and move on!

I think because I can always hear them and see when they are home etc and know they are always listening now that it is making me feel stressed

There must be something psychological there!

I saw that their car was out yesterday when I got home and I felt relieved that they weren't in - felt like I could relax

Ugh so annoying that its bothering me so much

OP posts:

BlooberryBiskits · 04/04/2022 12:55

@ForeverLooking

Agree with this

Well done for telling him to stop contacting you: if he continues it is harassment so call the police

I do not support unsociable noise but it does just sound like normal noise of having a baby, plus as you say you are out several days a week.

BTW - often people 'take out' aggro on other areas of life on noisy neighbours etc - it might not be about you.

BlooberryBiskits · 04/04/2022 12:57

Re feeling uncomfortable : I do understand (I have had problem neighbours). I suggest doing affirmations to help your mindset, something like 'I have every right to feel comfortable in my home' - until you feel better

You have done nothing wrong, & now you have stood up for yourself I would hope he will leave you alone!

LMBoston · 04/04/2022 13:08

Where are you OP? My aunt had a neighbour exactly like this: old building converted into apartments, male neighbour constantly and aggressively complaining about perfectly normal noise.

Once he came round to harangue her unaware that my dad was there for a visit… my 70-odd year old father squared up to him and told him in no uncertain terms to leave his sister alone! Things calmed down for a short while but unfortunately ended up worsening and the police were involved. She moved out eventually, it was just too much for her to cope with.

As pp have said, log everything. Is the building run by a board? If so, it might be time to get advice from them.

Original poster

Fupoffyagrasshole · 04/04/2022 13:13

We are in London!

We all own a share of the freehold myself and himself and the other flat owners are the directors of the building if that makes sense

My other neighbours are all lovely I’m thinking of mentioning it to the other neighbours so that they are Aware of the situation

I think what someone else mentioned is true - I think there is more going on with him.

I won’t be moving out I love where we live, it’s our first home that we bought just year and it took as so long to get here so it’s such a shame to be experiencing this

OP posts:

BlanketsBanned · 04/04/2022 13:17

I would ask for a residents meeting and the Chair and directors can get involved, he cannot be allowed to harrass you.

Kenwouldmixitup · 04/04/2022 13:24

I am very noise sensitive. I have to be really careful to ‘not be that neighbour’. So you are in the right to have been firm with your neighbour.

I would recommend the next step, so you are being assertive and you don’t feel awkward so want to avoid them, is to approach them to discuss how you can both calmly and respectfully agree a reasonable solution. For example, your neighbour doesn’t run the washing machine after 11pm. What would the one reasonable adjustment be that you could agree to.

For me, my sensitive is exacerbated when I feel I have no control over the situation. I do have instances when I could quite easily bang in their door. Instead, I now do something nice for my neighbours, so when I have a ‘noise sensitive’, instance, I feel I can have a conversation with my neighbours because I hope in general their main experience of me is that I’m OK, it’s just that sound is my Achilles heel.

Kenwouldmixitup · 04/04/2022 13:25

And absolutely OP, you don’t need to move. There’s always ‘the’ neighbour everywhere.

Original poster

Fupoffyagrasshole · 04/04/2022 13:34

Honestly @Kenwouldmixitup we have tried to have a conversation with him a few times - he will not take any criticism at all - claims they creep around and there is no way that we can hear the amount of noise we claim - as they are nothing but considerate. and he is very much the victim and only willing to talk to us if we agree we are the only problem.

I really don't know what more I can offer to do for them - on weekends I understand that perhaps they want a lie in and 7am is early to others! Our baby comes into our bed for maybe 30 minutes max to read books before we get up and have breakfast! and we are usually out for half the day by 9am anyway!

They have complete silence from 7-7 every day and we are not even home like I said 3 days during the week

To be honest I don't even care about their washing machine - i just mentioned it in passing to them - it is very loud, I can hear it on the baby monitor - but I just put white noise on in babies room and she doesn't seem to be to disturbed so its not a big deal.

OP posts:

SecondClassmyass · 04/04/2022 13:34

To be fair the amount of noise you are describing is verging on unbearable, the acoustics of the building must be terrible. What type of building is it? 300 hundred years ? What is it? A converted church? What was it like before he moved in? Who lived there before? Is he renting or new owner?

SecondClassmyass · 04/04/2022 13:37

(I mean the amount of noise you are getting from their flat would be unbearable for me)

TigerLilyTail · 04/04/2022 13:45

You handled it perfectly and don't creep around anymore. You are entitled to make normal daily living noises in your home.

I have lived in flats before and they can be noisy. We could actually hear the sound of our upstairs neighbor peeing! Another neighbor would vacuum her bedroom at 7am every morning right about our bedroom. It is what it is. If he doesn't want noise, he should move out.

If you see him, hold your head high and just walk past him. Keep a record of every time he complains in case things escalate though.

Original poster

Fupoffyagrasshole · 04/04/2022 13:45

@SecondClassmyass it's an old Georgian building - it was offices up until the 80s then turned to flats

They are all 1 & 2 bedroom flats - and they are all owner occupied except for 1 flat that is rented.

Nobody has pursued any sort of soundproofing as most people seem to live here for a few years as a sort of starter home and them move on it seems! and any soundproofing options i looked at / got quotes for are super expensive and don't know if it would even work!

He actually moved in the same week as us coincidentally so we both have no other neighbour there to compare this too

Most flats i've lived in london over the years are just like this! I just have learned to accept it tbh - I have ways of dealing with it.. For example putting headphones on while i work

white noise while we sleep

i used to wake up in my old flat to the neighbour practising his singing , he sometimes would watch tv shows and do impressions of the characters - i used to just laugh and turn around and go back to sleep!

OP posts:

QuirkyTurtle · 04/04/2022 13:59

@Kenwouldmixitup

I am very noise sensitive. I have to be really careful to ‘not be that neighbour’. So you are in the right to have been firm with your neighbour.

You might be aware of this already, but this sounds a lot like misophonia. It's a terrible condition to live with!

PrincessPaws · 04/04/2022 19:39

@BlanketsBanned

I would ask for a residents meeting and the Chair and directors can get involved, he cannot be allowed to harrass you.

I would do this with the agenda item being soundproofing -at the very least it will help him understand that it isn't specific to you

Original poster

Fupoffyagrasshole · 05/04/2022 08:39

I’ve spoke to his next door neighbour yday eve when I got home who has 2 little girls who run around the place and make plenty of normal family noise.

Asked if they had any issues and he said nope never - said he hasn’t actually ever spoken to him.

My husband reckons because we are so friendly and when they moved in we called up to introduce ourselves and we have always been very chatty and friendly if we ever saw him or his partner in the hall. And his first few complaints we were very apologetic about it

Husband thinks because of this he now sees us as easy targets/pushovers etc

OP posts:

Cherrysoup · 05/04/2022 08:53

You sound like you stood up for yourself and now he’ll stop being such a pain, hopefully. If his next door neighbour has never had him moan, then maybe you’re right, he thought you wouldn’t complain.

SmolCat · 05/04/2022 08:59

I really sympathise. I also live somewhere where sound proofing is so so shit. What you describe sounds exactly what we hear.

ServantofthePeople · 05/04/2022 09:08

You are all victims of the acoustics of the building.
The more you can talk about the common enemy, which is the structure, the better.

We have stayed in a similar place. It was amazing for the kids but were it not for that I’d regret it. Ended up buying the flat below us. Our friends ask why but the OP will understand.

SierpinskiSquare · 05/04/2022 09:22

Did you mention in your other thread that you don't have carpets? If so some heavy duty underlay and carpet would probably help. I don't think there is anything to be gained by loosing it with him.
Both of you are still going to have to live with the noise and now you are going to have to live with the hostility between you too.

You sound like you are already quiet for a family with a baby.

If he complains to the council then you need to be mindful that you may have to declare neighbour disputes when you come to sell the flat.

You could offer to get him an an anti vibration mat for his washing machine.

I'd be really pissed off with him but I put you efforts into working out a way forward rather than being pissed off.

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