Stressed and no idea what to do

[OnTheGoAlways]

I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling incredibly stressed just now. I'm barely functioning.

I started a new job 3 weeks ago. I left a full time WFH job in local council for 1.5k higher pay, when I handed in my notice, the council looked at my post and added nearly 3k to salary, and then informed me I'd always been a trainee (which no one had ever said to me before). New role is hybrid In higher education professional services full time but only pays 23.4k. I have a masters degree in the area (HR) but it doesn't seem to mean much.

I'm a single parent with 2 DS and a dog. I've paid for childcare, one day in a camp for Easter, one excursion to a Science Festival, and I have just over £100 to my name to last until end of the month.

Leading up to energy increase last week I felt increasingly stressed, my face is constantly flushed and now covered in spots, I'm not sleeping well, I can feel my heart racing all the time, feel almost breathless and my chest sometimes actually aches during the day, I feel a bit dizzy at times, I can't stand noise, I have no bandwidth, it's a struggle engaging with DS. I saw my payslip at work for EoM, it's under 1400k. My bills are around 1300k not including food. I get topped up by Universal credit but I don't know by how much yet.

My children are angry at me quite often because I'm stressed and I can't afford this and that. I thought kindness w0uld prevail In parenting, but I just get walked over and do everything.

Anyway, I'm worried about my health, and I don't know what to do. Has anyone else felt like this before?

Also, I had a horrible panic attack at the dentist last week, mid filling, I just started balling my eyes out very suddenly and felt very sick, it was horrible and embarrassing.
Also, I'm stressed I thought about rehousing my beautiful dog and yesterday at the supermarket I noticed that the cheapest dog food has gone up by over £1. I normally buy her the more expensive stuff, but i cant now.

1300 - can you reduce any of that?

If not, your other way out is extra income. Have you checked your benefit entitlement? Do the kids dad pay? Can you WFH in the evening a couple of days a week?

I'm sorry this is happening to you. You aren't alone.

I am so sorry that a perfectly decent qualified job doesn’t pay enough to lead a good worry free life. No advice, beyond making extra sure you make usr of all support and benefits you can get your hand on - sending a big hug. Are the kids of an age where you can sit them down for a frank conversation?

Hi @Hercisback. That includes rent, car payment (we are rural so need are car as bus routes are terrible), childcare, insurance etc. I got rid of YouTube premium (which I had as I was a nursing student until January this year and we had to view a lot of YouTube)!

I spent all weekend looking for a higher role so I will keep trying.

My youngest ds has some additional needs and tourettes and when I WFH he spends lunch time with me.

Dad pays £80 a week which I am using for food shop.

I am so sorry to read this. You do sound incredibly stressed out and it's completely understandable why.

Have you tried speaking to a professional (free counselling) to talk things through with. I spoke to my GP last year as I was and still am going through so much and I just couldn't not function and the children were suffering from my stress and upset. The GP suggested medication but I asked for counselling instead. I was given twelve weeks of counselling which didn't sort my financial difficulties but it did help me to get my head a bit more straight for the important people in my life.
Have you spoken to family and friends.

Will you get housing benefit your universal credit? I would think on £14k you will get topped up by at least another £400 per month. You may get more if you have childcare to cover. Have you been to the website entitled to? That will help give you a estimated amount too.

You really do need to try and take sometime for you when you can. Your well-being for everything is so important. Please do call your GP and get some counselling asap. To talk to someone face to face will really help.

Are you using tax free childcare?

Does your ds qualify for DLA at any level?

Have you checked your tax code, has an emergency one been applied?

You sound so stressed. Access a food bank if you need it for a while to get through.

I'm going to call GP today, although that Will cause some stress as they are so busy and I hate the triage part as it's embarrassing. Also I'm not an emergency so it'll be 3/4 weeks before an appointment (it was this before). Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions, will call and see what reception says.

No DLA (were in Scotland), DS is on a 2.5 year waiting list to be seen. He's had ticks since he was around 2 years old, he's 7 now and still ticks daily and lacks emotional regulation. The days he's not at home during lunch he is segregated in a separate room and the noise at lunch he finds overwhelming and bad behaviour follows.

I use an ASC for wraparound, the one used by the school. There is significant lack of childcare options here.

Didn't want to run and read. Is the Science festival excursion through school? If so, it might be worth emailing school and explaining that you just do not have the means to pay. Not saying you'd get it, but some schools have a hardship fund which they might come back and offer.

Do you have anyone who could have your son for a one off day, ie his DF, family or a friend (you could offer to have their DC for a sleepover one night so they can go out or on a day off in return).

Is there anything that could be cut back on, ie travel costs, parking a bit further away to save on petrol? Go through your cupboards, think about what you can add that's really cheap, ie rice, pasta, potatoes, can beans/pulses to make into a meal.

I'm not sure if you'd qualify for a food bank, but might be worth looking into.

Also, speak to your GP. You have to be kind to you and look after yourself.

Feeling very low and stressed at moment too, currently lying in bed putting off getting up. Single working mum to dd with autism and it's bloody hard. Everything is getting me down, bills, my landlord is selling so that's a huge worry, my job which used to be my salvation has changed and I have a new boss. I honestly can't see any light at the end of the tunnel.

@lollipoprainbow I'm so sorry you feel like this. Its the relentlessness of it all. There's no Time to breath. It just feels like, what's the point?

I know, surely, at some point there will be a point, it's got to pay off at some point. We've just got to get going. I keep.thinking of Dory I'm finding Nemo ",just keep swimming just keep swimming".

But for now my shitty car is booked in for a service which I'll have to cancel because I can't afford it

@OnTheGoAlways always swimming against the tide that's me !! It's wet, windy and cold here today but at least I finally have a negative Covid test!! Which means I can get back soon and some sort of normality !

It sounds like by our child may qualify for the Scottish Disability payment for children. A decision can be made without a full diagnosis if you have other evidence possibly from school. Put in an application today . I have been in a similar situation to you and it’s very difficult. It felt like continual PMT . Does the children’s father take them? I found time to myself even just for a coffee with friends made a huge difference.