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Original poster

Concerns about a teacher but 4 years ago

19 replies

CouldYouTurnItDown · 04/04/2022 06:34

My DD is autistic. She's in year 5 and generally her school has been supportive. She doesn't have an EHCP but needs a bit of help academically and socially.

She can talk well now but when she was younger it was hard for her to express more complex things.

She has always had a phenomenal memory and will mention things years later she now has the language to ask about. It often takes us by surprise but it's her way of processing situations, years on.

She's started talking quite a lot about things that happened in year 1. It was a very bumpy year for her. The most difficult so far I think. She went from enjoying school to not wanting to go and being very anxious and upset. She could say she was worried but not explain why.

Turns out her teacher (who I was a bit concerned didn't understand her needs) was the issue. She's mentioned the teacher ripping a page out of her book and making her start work again, plus various other unsettling things.

At the time, the teacher sat down with DD to try to find out why her she was so worried about school but obviously DD couldn't say as the teacher was the worrying thing!

I know other parents have raised concerns about this teacher in the past. She's still teaching year 1 at the school. I'm left wondering do I just leave it as so much time has passed? Or do I mention it to the head? I'm not expecting anything to happen but I feel like maybe I should tell them.

Anyone have advice or experience? Thanks.

OP posts:

Generatenewname · 04/04/2022 07:40

Hi, my own autistic daughter is 5 and like yours struggles to express herself (I’m hopeful that it will come in time like with your daughter).

This is the sort of thing that worries me and I’m sorry that she and you have had this experience.

I’m a primary teacher too and I think you should mention it to the head teacher as it hopefully will serve as a learning experience for that teacher who no doubt will still be teaching autistic children. You can frame it that way to the head teacher perhaps?

Original poster

CouldYouTurnItDown · 04/04/2022 08:10

Thank you @Generatenewname this is helpful.

OP posts:

SeasonFinale · 04/04/2022 08:12

I would also work on getting an EHCP in place so that she is better catered for going forward

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

General education Primary education

Tonsiltrouble · 04/04/2022 08:49

I have this same issue - child’s year R teacher behaved badly in her general management of him before we had a diagnosis. Our school has a time limit on complaints so that’s something I would want to watch out for. They also have a ridiculous complaints system where everything has to go through the class teacher first. My child doesn’t seem to remember his teacher being a dick in year R, but if he did I’d definitely consider raising it.

mrdarcyfan · 04/04/2022 23:23

My goodness.Who would be a teacher?Why do people always assume the teacher is trying to be deliberately mean?If a child has made a mess on one page there is nothing wrong with asking them to start again.How many children has a teacher taught in four years?Its a stressful,relentlessly demanding job and most teachers really care about their pupils.Give the poor teacher a break.

cansu · 04/04/2022 23:29

I actually think it is quite odd to be thinking of making any kind of complaint on this basis. Your daughter may well have a good memory but she is unlikely to remember the context of what happened. I doubt that many children in year 1 would really remember the details of an incident 4 years ago. A page could be removed because the child needed to start again. It does not have to be a nasty thing to do. Add on to that a child with asd who has difficulty with understanding other people's emotions and may not read other people well. (I have children with ASD).

Shinyandnew1 · 04/04/2022 23:34

What are the other ‘unsettling’ things?

Tearing a page out could be completely innocuous. I have done that before with really stressed children who have made a big mistake, rubbers weren’t cutting it and they wanted the page removed to avert a meltdown. It can be a simple fix, done sparingly.

If it was done by a teacher who was simultaneously screaming that the child was an idiot, it would be a different matter. I have never heard or seen this happen, I have to add.

ldontWanna · 04/04/2022 23:43

What other things did she mention?

The paper thing... yes I've known teachers to rip up work maliciously, I've also known teachers do it in agreement with the child as a solution to them getting very upset or simply a desire to start fresh, I've also known children who were adamant their work went in the bin until they were shown said piece of work.

Wafflesnsniffles · 05/04/2022 14:00

Cansu your comment is assuming the ops daughter has an average memory when actually shes said her memory is phenomenal.

People tend not to believe me but I can remember being 10 months old. Also several memories from my first birthday.
If her daughter can clearly detail what happened, she knows what happened. The context might not be entirely all there but I wouldnt dismiss it as a memory just because she was only young and it was 4 years ago.

Generatenewname · 05/04/2022 14:12

The OP doesn’t have to go in baying for blood or even frame it as a complaint. More to tell the head teacher what her daughter has said so they can hopefully learn something. That’s the only good that can happen from this. That and the OP helping her daughter work through her memories.

I’ve known good teachers rip out work not with the child’s agreement. I shudder to think how that would affect my autistic daughter who then wouldn’t be able to tell me. So, as a teacher maybe I’d think more about my actions.

CoastalWave · 05/04/2022 14:16

I would but only because my son (and my daughter before him) is having an awful time with a teacher. I know of at least 10 other parents who've had the same experience but no one has complained. I finally have and of course was asked why i didn't complain last year with my daughter!

Honestly - because I was just so relieved to be rid. As are the other 10 parents.

Problem is the woman continues to get away with being mean and basically verbally abusive to pupils.

Please speak up. I really regret now not doing so last year for my daughter.

Lady0racle · 05/04/2022 14:42

Taking a page out of a book and asking the child to start again is really not that uncommon and wouldn’t bother me. Having worked in a school, I wouldn’t find that worthy of comment on its own.

What other ‘unsettling’ things has she disclosed?

Original poster

CouldYouTurnItDown · 05/04/2022 14:48

Nowhere in my OP have I talked about making a complaint, only talking about my concerns to the head. I've had a good, open relationship with the school over the past 6 years and I'm not planning on this changing that.

I also work in education, with children, so I do have an understanding of the challenges of the job.

I'm not going to go into details here about all other the unsettling things my DD has told me, as I'm sure they'll be posters who will dismiss her recollections or tell me there's a perfectly legitimate reason for the teacher's actions. I'm not asking for opinions around what is acceptable for a teacher to do.

What my DD has told me makes perfect sense now in relation to how scared and anxious she was at the time. It wasn't ok and I wish I'd known about it then.

It's been useful to hear other people's experiences with this, so thank you very much for sharing them.

OP posts:

littlestpogo · 05/04/2022 18:54

Hi OP

I had a similar experience with my DS ( also SEN) also to do with year 1. He actually had a brilliant teacher in year 4 who he told about the things that had happened as well as me. The teacher raised this with me and she herself went and spoke to the head about it. As long as you are polite then you have nothing to lose from doing this.

Iamtheweedonkey · 05/04/2022 19:04

@CouldYouTurnItDown

I also work in education, with children, so I do have an understanding of the challenges of the job.

What my DD has told me makes perfect sense now in relation to how scared and anxious she was at the time. It wasn't ok and I wish I'd known about it then.

It's been useful to hear other people's experiences with this, so thank you very much for sharing them.

Tbh whether you made an official complaint or not, you 'talking' it over with the head will be treated as a complaint. You are going over the head of the teacher in question, head of year, senco, deputy, straight to head, sounds like a complaint to me.

Kitkat151 · 05/04/2022 19:22

I would just leave it....really to weird to be mentioning it 4 years later

Original poster

CouldYouTurnItDown · 05/04/2022 19:56

It won't be treated as a complaint (I've checked the policy) as I won't be raising it as one. It states that there are 2 different pathways; raising a concern or making a complaint. I will be following the school's policy which makes it clear I can approach the Head.

OP posts:

ldontWanna · 05/04/2022 20:06

@Kitkat151

I would just leave it....really to weird to be mentioning it 4 years later

Not weird at all if this is when she found out about it.

Generatenewname · 06/04/2022 08:15

It’s not weird as this teacher is still teaching and might need to improve her practice.

It’s not weird as the OP sounds like a completely sensible person who is able to handle this appropriately.

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