Page 2 | Sahp - doing chores with a young baby/toddler

ChoiceMummy · 03/04/2022 07:40

@Hope54321

Sahp, how much chores and cooking are you able to do when your partners is at work and whilst you are at home with your LO?

I'm a lone parent, so I did everything!

Tbh, even if I'd been in a relationship, I don't think that this would be an unreasonable expectation, then sharing anything "left" at weekends and in evenings.

FTEngineerM · 03/04/2022 07:45

This thread has made me think I’ve been blessed with observant kids. They love watching me do dishes/hoover/mop. Literally sit and watch.

Laundry toddler helps and baby shoves what ever is closes in his mouth.

Jk987 · 03/04/2022 08:04

I'm one of those who found it really hard to get anything done when baby was small and I was on mat leave. We don't have an open plan kitchen so I couldn't leave baby in the lounge and do things. When she napped I wanted to nap too or watch daytime telly. The rest of the time I played with her and took out frequently for something to do.
I just about managed to keep on top of dishes and laundry but partner did most of the cooking. We did some cleaning at the weekend when both at home and one of us could be with baby.
Get help if you need it. It can be hard with tiny ones.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 03/04/2022 08:11

@Jk987

I'm one of those who found it really hard to get anything done when baby was small and I was on mat leave. We don't have an open plan kitchen so I couldn't leave baby in the lounge and do things. When she napped I wanted to nap too or watch daytime telly. The rest of the time I played with her and took out frequently for something to do. I just about managed to keep on top of dishes and laundry but partner did most of the cooking. We did some cleaning at the weekend when both at home and one of us could be with baby. Get help if you need it. It can be hard with tiny ones.

What you mean you couldn’t leave the room? What you couldn’t leave the non mobile baby for a minute to stick a wash on? Move the Moses basket to another room for a while? I do get the exhaustion and think with a young baby the chores fall more to the partner- but some of the women on this thread seem scared to move

Sathexperience · 03/04/2022 08:21

@mathanxiety thank you so much for the book recommendation, I will check that out.

I do have a sling which I use often, but I just find it hard to actually get much done as I have arthritic joints so I can't crouch, so to get anything low down I have to bend over which obviously doesn't really work with a baby in a sling but it is very useful for being able to carry him and not have it destroy my elbows which are also arthritic 🤣

SheWoreYellow · 03/04/2022 08:24

Depends how much you’re willing to leave them in front of screens and how they are at amusing themselves.

When mine were small I’d manage to hang up or fold one load of washing and keep the house from turning into a total shithole. No hoovering or cleaning, just picking up some of that day’s mess.
I’d put the tv on for them to cook dinner. Which was still a nightmare to cook.

GeneLovesJezebel · 03/04/2022 08:26

I get everything done I want, I just plan it round naps. And sometimes they have to be left to cry while I put a wash on or make a butty.

Daisyonthelawn · 03/04/2022 08:31

I never liked leaving ds to cry, of course there are occasions such as when they are in the back of the car or you are on the toilet when it really is unavoidable but not while I do housework.

The other issue is that if you have a DH who is wfh you do have to be mindful of noise levels.

The screen thing … not all children will quietly sit in front of the TV. My ds is now fifteen months and he will watch a bit of night garden but not a full episode, he will watch a bit then wander, then go back. No way would he sit there for half an hour while I cleaned.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 03/04/2022 08:39

@Daisyonthelawn

I never liked leaving ds to cry, of course there are occasions such as when they are in the back of the car or you are on the toilet when it really is unavoidable but not while I do housework.

The other issue is that if you have a DH who is wfh you do have to be mindful of noise levels.

The screen thing … not all children will quietly sit in front of the TV. My ds is now fifteen months and he will watch a bit of night garden but not a full episode, he will watch a bit then wander, then go back. No way would he sit there for half an hour while I cleaned.

Of course toddlers don’t sit infront of the tv- a young baby who can’t walk yet can easily sit on a play mat or in a bouncer. I have cbeebies on at the moment whilst my youngest plays with her toys and pulls out all the storage boxes in the lounge, no one expects a toddler to sit in any way.

Daisyonthelawn · 03/04/2022 08:42

I get followed around interspersed with regular wails, shouts, silences (not sure which are most worrying …)

DS would sit in his bouncer but only briefly, generally fifteen minutes was the max. I don’t think he was a particularly needy baby, although maybe he was, he was my first so nothing to gauge against!

yikesanotherbooboo · 03/04/2022 08:44

I would spend a lot of time out of the house so as not to create mess. It does depend a bit on the child as my DC1 was happy in their chair/ the sling/on the floor banging things as long as I was around.DC2 was less placid and once mobile needed a very close watching eye.Luckily they were a good napper and the two DC could watch each other quite well for a few minutes at a time.

pompomseverywhere · 03/04/2022 08:47

How old is your child? I found I couldn't do a thing when the baby was weeks old. As time has gone on things get easier.

I would say try and do something's whilst they follow you around as this is a great foundation to teach them to play independently. As they get older they can 'help'

CharSiu · 03/04/2022 10:42

When they can’t move about I found it easy, when they could move about I used the travel cot as a playpen so I could get on with stuff. I had one baby who was very easy and one who was not in the least bit easy.

DS was the not easy baby, he went to baby care for two mornings a week when I was on ML so I could go to the gym and I took a course the other morning. We used to have lunch out once a week and we went to a baby group once a week.

A neighbour crashed in to our stationary car just before I had DS so we didn’t bother to replace until I needed it to commute again. I used to walk to town which was a 2.5 mile round trip through mainly a big park which DS loved. So I agree very much with @yikesanotherbooboo about being out of the house.

I always napped when they napped.

LadyCordeliaFitzgerald · 03/04/2022 11:04

Mine were terrible sleepers. I’m like a zombie when I don’t get enough sleep, and even simple tasks take me ages. It’s very obvious now when a bad night is an occasional thing, but back when the dc were little I just thought I was a useless human being.

My eldest was high needs, later diagnosed with autism, but I didn’t know any different. I look back at videos of him now and get hit by a wave of exhaustion and overwhelm. But now I understand why.

If you’re struggling, please don’t compare yourself to people who see no issue with keeping their house like a show home. It can be different for everyone.

SevenSistersStar · 07/05/2022 20:25

It massively depends on the baby/child - some just do let you get a lot more done than others - and how much sleep you are getting at night. Please don't compare yourself to others, because that way madness lies. Also don't compare yourself to what you feel you should be doing. If you feel you're doing your best to balance housework and little one (without totally exhausting yourself in the process) that is enough.

toddlingabout · 07/05/2022 20:32

Bumpitybumper · 03/04/2022 06:51

I'm beyond this stage now but my advice is to assess how much you think you can reasonably get done during the working day and have a grown-up, sensible chat with your DP about what this would look like and how any leftover chores will get done.

The word reasonable is really important here. Babies and toddlers have different temperaments and have different nap requirements. If you have a baby that won't be put down, a clingy and needy toddler that never sleeps or a baby that won't nap without being pushed in a buggy then this is a whole different ball game to those with babies and toddlers that are more easy going and sleep in their cots for extended periods in the day. Do not underestimate how different people's parenting experiences can be even if on paper the amount of children/ages can look similar to your's.

Also people have different approaches to the kind of experiences and enrichment they want to give their children. Sure, you could theoretically stay at home all day focussing on chores but is that what you or your partner want for your children? There are baby groups, play groups, playdates, trips to museums, the library, the park, the list really is endless. Just being at home and giving your child your undivided attention is so valuable and toddlers in particular get so much from socialisation and experiencing different things. Put it this way, babies and toddlers in childcare at childminders and nurseries aren't expected to play second fiddle to someone constantly doing domestic chores so why should your children? A balance needs to be struck somewhere for sure, but I believe the priority should be the children not the housework.

In conclusion, you're an adult who knows your children best and can agree with your partner what kind of activities and experiences you want to give your children. You can work out how many hours you have in the working day and how many of those you can devote to chores. Have a proper rational conversation about this with your DP and talk them through everything and agree how to manage leftover tasks. Don't be pressured into trying to do everything or be treated as a lesser partner because you're at home. You're a SAHP not a skivvy.

This

StuckInTheMiddleOfNowhere · 07/05/2022 20:33

All of it.
2 and 4 year old at home, 4 yr old 15 hrs pre school. Neither nap
We go out most days, farm, theme park, park soft play . Others we chill and play at home
Then when back and whilst they play in playroom i do the rest.
I always make beds peg 1st load out etc b4 we go anywhere, stick next load in machine ready. Prep dinner.
Normally home by 3.30 if out, then housework, dinner for 6 ish. Baths and bed.

I do all whilst they're awake, hoover, polish laundry etc. If grass needs mowing they play in garden whilst i do that.

I. Mop when they're in bed and ironing when theyre in bed ( once a week)
Make older dcs lunch for following day.

Ive always been super organised. And i cant sit down knowing somethings need doing.
I used to be really bad b4 younger 2 came along and id clean all night when ds was younger. But it was ridiculous.
I don't stress now if i leave a cup in the sink at bedtime.

It depends how each dcs are though. Mine are very happy playing alone / together. But some are more clingy. Just do what you can