Accused of shaking my baby, resolved now but I’m now extremely anxious

[User384994]

I had DD2 on Sunday 27th March and she was born extremely quickly (pushed her out in one minute) the midwives noted on her body check (in her red book) that she had facial contusions on her cheeks and forehead due to this.

On day 3 DD started opening her eyes and I noticed she had a small red blood vessel in her right eye, DD1 had the exact same due to similar reasons and I remember at the time asking the community midwife about DD1s eye and her explaining it was pretty common in newborns.

Anyway so today I went for my day 5 community midwife appointment at the local maternity hospital and they examined DD2 as usual. They noticed the vessel in her eye and became quite serious saying it was a symptom of a shaken baby. I explained and showed them DDs birth examination and how it was probably because of the fast birth. The midwife agreed she could see that was why but said she would add it as a note on my file and I would need to now go down to the children’s ward, find a doctor to co sign it and confirm that the blood vessel was indeed from birth and not from being shaken. She stressed it was important because it had not been picked up originally when she was examined as a newborn (I don’t think I even saw them check her eyes)

So an hour later I spoke to a doctor in the children’s ward and explained everything. He became very serious and said I wasn’t allowed to leave until he had discussion with his consultant. He said he understood what I was saying but the fact was that the blood vessel wasn’t recorded at birth and so there was no evidence that I hadn’t shaken her. I started getting really panicky as he mentioned that the consultant would decided what would happen next but it may be decided that social services investigate and I wouldn’t be allowed to leave the hospital. He went off to discuss and was gone around 20 mins. Longest 20 mins of my life. He came back and said they have agreed it’s a common birth injury and will sign it off. But he sort of lectured me about how serious this was (like I had any control over the situation anyway) and I was still treated as suspicious. I went home and cried so much to DH as I have never experienced that sort of panic out of nowhere of potentially being investigated and having DD taken. It was a truly horrific feeling.

So obviously the whole event is over now but I’m finding myself seriously anxious about further appointments with the midwives and health visitors etc. I never realised something could escalate so quickly and I genuinely had no control over it. I felt like DD wasn’t mine and I was been treated as guilty. I’m so so scared now, I know that might sound silly but I feel like I’m a “suspicious parent” to them now and they could take anything else as further suspicion.

As a side note I totally agree that they are just trying to prevent child abuse and spot early signs, totally understand that. But to me this was a very simple oversight by the midwives (as they were the ones who missed the blood vessel by not checking her eyes at birth!) and I seemed to be the accused one in a state of panic.

I suppose I’m posting this as I’m hoping someone can come along and calm me and reassure me that this is normal or perhaps similar has happened to them. Sorry if this is long and rambling! I’m so stressed now.

Isn’t it horrible being under suspicion op? I’ve not allowed a health visitor into my house since the birth of my first child (I’ve now got 3) after she threatened to phone social services because I was ‘refusing appointments and hiding’ dd. This was after they didn’t turn up to 2 house visits in a row, they turned up to the 3rd one 2 hours late by which time I’d gone out, they turned up to a 4th one when I’d already told them I wouldn’t be in then as I was going on holiday, and turned up to a 5th when I didn’t even know they were coming and I was out, and she threatened to phone social services on my oh when he answered the door. I put an official complaint in and did get an apology. They can all bugger off now though with the stress they caused me

Some of these responses are unnecessary and dismissing your experiences.

I’m a HCP that works with babies and I can sympathise and say this must’ve been so awful for you, truly. I also feel that the hospital could’ve handled it better tbh.

You’re not being silly, I totally understand your anxiety. Your “ fight or flight” instinct would have ku led in to protect your baby.
I imagine the first dr was very junior, so wasn’t going to agree to anything without going higher. It should have been noted when your daughter was born.
You’ve also done a lot of running around within a few days of giving birth! Try to relax, you know you’re a good mum, your baby is fine. Spend some time at home. And congratulations 💐

@HotMummaSummer
This is exactly how I feel! My first DD she lost 11% as I was exclusively breastfeeeding and I was always feeling under pressure to get her weight up or be referred back to hospital. I physically couldn’t have offered her anymore feeds than I already was and I remember feeling so stressed.
This time I just genuinely cannot handle the stressed so we have started combi feeding too.

@emeraldjones

I don't really know why medics have to make so many notes as no one seems to read them. Poor you, and I agree with PP that you should make a complaint or at least point out that this was not acceptable. Why should you be made to feel like a criminal when it was all there in black and white if everyone had bothered to read it.

Because it is all we and the trust that employs us has to fall back on if anything goes wrong/a complaint gets made, and with kids this is even more important as the timeframes for claims is considerably longer.

I'm a paramedic and if I leave a patient at scene it always involves a huge amount of paperwork, but at least when I'm in the patients own home I can send the patient or their relative off to make themselves a cup of tea whilst I complete it, so it doesn't seem so awkward and intrusive.

But there are ways of diplomatically explaining what and why your are writing things down, same if things need escalating to a senior. This didn't seem to happen in OP case.

One thing I've found missing in safeguarding training about non accidental injuries is a lack of effort to look through all the differential causes and diagnoses. This would be considered sloppy practice in other areas of medicine.

Without going into details I was involved in a case in an older child where a colleague got tunnel visioned by what he thought to be non accidental injuries that turned out not to be and the delay nearly cost the childs life.

It is really important to feedback to this doctor and midwife so that they realised how their clinical decision making and communication was compromised in OP babies case.

I know what you mean op. We had something different but similar vein and I still can't really talk about it as it gives me so much anxiety. Also they wasted a night thinking it was us when actually little one needed their help ..... yikes even writing it all out is triggering. Just focus on the fact that she is okay. I'm so sorry this happened. And yes the worst bit is it feels like your baby isn't yours anymore and could be taken jusy like that. Terrible

OP i am so sorry, something similar happend to me with ds 1 and I remember the panic. My ds is mixed race and he was born with large Mongolian spots on his bottom. They looked like bruises. I was kept in for 5 nights as I had a tough birth with complications. So the staff knew us pretty well by the time we were discharged. I'd hd a really tough time, horrible birth, bf not working which I kept feeling told off for. Baby cried all the time (reflux), I cried all the time. It was horrendous. One the day of discharge we were waiting for hours. We were taken for a check up and the woman noticed the spots on ds bottom. She asked me about them and I told her they were Mongolian spots. She said no, they are not and that she would go and get her colleague/manager.
She told me she was aware I hadnt been "coping" and that surely I could understand she couldn't discharge ds if he was in danger. It was terrifying. After several hours dh managed to get hold of my community midwife who came to our rescue. She had just delivered another baby and came in to the room. She confirmed they were mongolian spots and that ds had been born with them.
Luckily she was very experienced and well known at the hospital. Later dh told me he'd photos of ds as a newborn with the spots on him. I asked him why on earth he hadnt said that and shown the photos and he said he knows how black and mixed race people get treated and that he was so scared they'd accuse him for having the photos. Its horrific.
I am so sorry OP. I know how it feels.

My DS was born with a purple birth mark under his chin and its still there at 2.4yo. Midwife didn't note it down and a HV asked about it on day 5 I think. I explained and she wrote it down, I pointed it out at later appointments so they realised it wasn't a bruise. I completely empathise with you. On another note as a nurse, I also see their point of view

I appreciate posters sharing their own experiences, it helps to hear that others have experienced the same thoughts and feelings as I have

Very upsetting poor you. Friends of friends older baby rolled off a changing mat and broke his leg which triggered an automatic investigation. They teared up even talking about it months later they were both so traumatised.

@Oblomov22

I sympathise OP. I was wrongly accused and it has deeply deeply damaged me. Other posters who flippantly said above 'don't worry' have no idea how frightening it is, how quickly it escalates and how powerless you are. My deepest sympathy. I hope you can get over this. Maybe some counselling? (Mine didn't help because both counsellors I had agreed I had been shockingly treated).

It’s awful isn’t it . I got ptsd it was that bad. I still can’t trust professionals seeing how they all got together turned a whole lot of gossipy opinion into facts and even though I had evidence to disprove it I had to shout to be heard and keep on circulating my documents it was horrendous

Somebody posted about a birthmark not being noted and then being accused of bruising the child. Odd as it is, some "birthmarks" aren't actually present at birth. I noticed my son had suddenly developed a bruise on his torso and I was worrying that somehow I might have bruised him lifting him or something. Our nurse turned up for a check up (not in the UK) and cheerfully told me that it wasn't a bruise but a birthmark developing. It did indeed turn into a raised strawberry birthmark. It shrank and disappeared as he got older.

I'd have been really stressed by this as well OP, especially not long after birth and when you'd pointed out the mark before. As you were amicable and cooperative and they were content and recorded it as a birth injury you won't hear anything else about it.

Sorry to hear this OP and agree the doctor lecturing you about something outwith your control wasn't helpful.

I'd send a complaint when you are feeling better, too. There are ways and means of dealing with these things.

@user1471447924

Surely you’d rather they took it seriously than didn’t?

Sorry but that's not good enough. The OP could have been treated with care and compassion whilst they did the necessary checks, particularly given that there was a very clear reason for the bruising.

Ds1 was fairly well mangled by a difficult birth and forceps delivery. He developed bony lumps on his jaw a couple of days later in response to the pressure of the forceps. I would have been devastated if I'd then been lectured about not shaking him.

I'm so sorry this happened to you i can't imagine anything more terrifying than the thought of someone taking your baby. My heart goes out to you. From now on anything you note like that take photos when you first notice it- get other people to see it too, even if just your DH. Basically protect yourself as much as you can. You shouldn't have been treated like that over a birth defect completely out of anyone's control. I don't know why the consultant lectured you after saying he's "agreed" to sign it off - almost like he's "giving you the benefit of the doubt" so yes you're right to be anxious and upset.