Chronic Anxiety and a Fake Life

[ForeverLooking]

I have chronic anxiety and I just can't live like this much longer. It's absolutely destroying my life and the person I used to be and whatever I try I just can't get past it. I worry about everything -the future, the past, upsetting people, what people think of me, how I look, my kids...I worry about worry. I have OCD. If my neighbours are outside I won't leave the house until they go in (even though they are nice). I've slowly cut off my friends over the years so I don't have to worry about upsetting them. Sometimes it feels like I'd rather be dead than live with this everyday. It's so claustrophobic.
But - I have no reason for any of this. I have a successful business with DH, great relationship, lovely kids, a nice family. I can put on the facade of the together person. People say I'm so organised and good at giving advice. Advice I can't even help myself. I've tried anti-depressants, CBT, reading self help books, journals, trying to think logically. I'm working from home to take the edge off the stress but still it's forever lurking telling me I'm shit and I'm going to lose everything.
Please, can anyone help me? How do you cope? Does anyone feel the same?

You are not alone. I am also have high functioning anxiety and am seen as the cool, calm, organised one at work while I worry about anything and everything. I know exactly what you mean about not being able to take your own advice. I give good advice and kindness to everyone in my team, but talk to myself in a much more critical way. The way I think of it is I have a 'worry space' in my head and it has to be filled - if there's nothing to worry about at work, I worry about my health, or the kids or something else. I don't have OCD, so can't empathise with that but hopefully others can. I'm going to be starting counselling next week as I've decided I can't live like this anymore. I really hope it helps as I have found a lot of the online support only takes the edge off very temporarily. The main thing I find that helps me is exercise, either online yoga or running/walking. Being out in the fresh air is the best thing I can do for my headspace.

@SmallestInTheClass

You are not alone. I am also have high functioning anxiety and am seen as the cool, calm, organised one at work while I worry about anything and everything. I know exactly what you mean about not being able to take your own advice. I give good advice and kindness to everyone in my team, but talk to myself in a much more critical way. The way I think of it is I have a 'worry space' in my head and it has to be filled - if there's nothing to worry about at work, I worry about my health, or the kids or something else. I don't have OCD, so can't empathise with that but hopefully others can. I'm going to be starting counselling next week as I've decided I can't live like this anymore. I really hope it helps as I have found a lot of the online support only takes the edge off very temporarily. The main thing I find that helps me is exercise, either online yoga or running/walking. Being out in the fresh air is the best thing I can do for my headspace.

Thank you so much for your reply. We sound the same. I'm also seen as the level headed one who is always calm, I'm the one who sorts things out for the entire family (including parents and siblings). Underneath I'm a wreck. I'm also waiting for a therapist to get back to me for an appointment so fingers crossed for both of us. I hope you start feeling better x

I am so sorry OP, it’s really hard.

Slightly annoyingly I am going to say that if you can run a business, you can crack this, but it takes real work, and you might need to find some extra energy. Is your husband supportive? Can he take some pressure of you at work?

I’d go bank to the doc and up or try different meds, as well as go back to CBT (unless you think deeper talking therapy is called for). Try a mindfulness stress reduction course. Be very strict about exercise, light, turning screens off, getting social time, limiting work tune, not overdoing social media or booze, eating well, not too much sugar, not too much sleep.

What’s so hard I think is to beat this you have to be willing to hold the light up to it, and that’s hard to do.. it can be done, but do accept it’s going to be hard.

I can rec a CBT person if you PM me.