Tips for 2 under 2 without family support

[csectionrecovery]

Hi,

We have a 19 month old boy and a 5 week old baby. My mother is staying with me at the moment to help out, but she will leave in 4 weeks time.

Neither me or my husband have family closeby to help.

My son goes to the childminder from 8 am - 5 pm on Monday and from 8 am - 1 pm on Tuesday.

Are there any tips you can give me to make life easier?

At the moment my mother is such a great help, for instance I can catch up on sleep in the morning while she looks after the children.

Soon I will completely alone and I'm honestly scared.

Would be grateful for any advice xx

Just to add, we can't move any closer to family xx

I put my toddler in nursery for two afternoons a week and also joined a gym with a lovely crèche and used that twice a week and put both DC in. My DH was out the house for 13 hours a day and I had no relatives to help.
Don’t be scared, you’ll get a good routine going soon. Does your toddler nap? If so make the most of that time. You’ll be fine when your mum goes.

I have 2 18 months apart - they are much older and I’ve forgotten a lot but what stands out was the need to be organised and have routines . I also highly recommend getting them out everyday to playgroups and parks etc We had no family support either and I did end up having a cleaner once a week paid for by my child benefit - it bought me the time to do stuff with the children instead . I also kept a pile of paper and pens on the table which occupied the older one while I dealt with the younger . It is tiring and often hard but I’ve never regretted it … my boys always had someone to play with and though they sometimes fight and are very different they are best friends without realising it

You will be ok OP - I have the loveliest memories now of mine when they were small

I had 2 born a year apart and it was fine tbh you just get into it and find your own routine, I also had no help from family and was a single parent if you have husband then you won’t be completely alone and 2 years is a normal age gap so it won’t be as bad as you think I’m sure

This was us. I think that, in a way, knowing we didn't have anyone nearby for help was easier - because we know we couldn't rely on others, we were never let down and really relied on the childcare provision we had to ease the load where possible. Lots of people are the same - or have family nearby that aren't interested in helping out.

Be realistic - 2 children are harder than 1 so it won't be the same as it was the first time round. For me, I didn't give myself a hard time if there were days when I was exhausted from broken sleep and we needed some down time in the house. When you have days that you have more energy, load up the pram and get out the house, a walk / trip to the park / soft play might be the last thing you fancy but can use up energy for your toddler and might give you a sense of accomplishment.

If you can get the children to nap at the same time in the day, that's one window of rest you could grab. Can your husband do drop off for your older child on Monday and Tuesday? If you aren't rushing to get dressed to get out the door, things could be a bit easier for you on those days.

I was in same boat. Also did gym with crèche when the older one went to nursery (eventually). And lots of playgroups. It was ok over the summer just going to playgrounds as well, but by the time my baby was 3 months old it was midwinter and it was a bit hard. I remember I used to spend a lot of time sitting next to a free sandpit in a shopping centre, feeding a baby whilst perched on a bench. Whatever gets you through and just make sure your DH helps around the house if he can. It's the housework that tipped me over the edge! Low standards help thoigh

Sling for the newborn and tire the toddler out outside. Meet up with friends without newborns whenever possible and let them coo over baby while you play with the toddlers. Or let them run after the toddlers while you push the pram. Nature parks etc are good for being contained but lots of excitement and walking/ running around for a toddler. The phases go really quickly so every time something gets hard or easy just hold in your mind they will be into the next stage in no time and it will all be different again. Eating pizza and beans on toast for a while is completely fine. Take photos of dc 2 and write lovely/ funny stuff down about them too, it can all be a bit of a blur with 2 under 2!

A morning walk every day really helps me. Gives my youngest a chance to nap, and my oldest gets to have a little walk, but also to look at something different to the same 4 walls, not to mention the benefits of just the fresh air and exercise for me.
Other than that, routine, routine, routine!

Mine are 3 and 5 now. Get organised the night before. Pack you nappy bag, even make lunch boxes so it’s ready to go (even if you eat them at home) in the evening. Get a sling and try and get nap time for both of them together, more likely to happen in a few months.

Go for morning walk/exercise somewhere the toddler can free rein safely ie a play park. Fresh air seems to tire them out better for nap time.

Lower standard and make meals quick and simple even better if a portion can be lunch the next day as well. And if some days toddler tv is used so you can sit down for 10 minutes then it isn’t going to hurt

I used to prefer mine napping at separate times as I enjoyed the one to one time with each of them. I had special wooden cars that came out for my toddler when I was feeding the baby and that worked really well. With such a small gap there was never any jealousy.

9 weeks is quite different from 5 weeks, by then feeding is easier and quicker and sleep may be improving. Weather will be better too.

Shower and dress while DH is home. Go to bed early and let DH do an evening feed if you can. Changing station downstairs. Prep snacks and lunch for the next day (I used to bulk cook veg and then microwave day by day). Can DH get home for bedtime, that is usually the worst bit?

It will be ok. Tbh, my initial thought was you’re lucky to have had so much help already! But I do remember feeling very daunted in your shoes when DH went back to work.