Anyone else experiencing PTSD triggered from the NHS maternity scandal? TW

[user75]

I had an absolutely horrific birth in 2003 and had a significant amount of counselling in order to recover. The news is giving me flashbacks and I cannot sleep. I am also struggling to step away from the news and keep crying. I am so grateful DS survived and by age 6 thrived. I feel guilty for feeling such anguish.
Is anyone else experiencing this?

Yes I had ptsd after the birth of my son in 2017. We could have been one of these stories. I felt fully recovered after lots of cbt but these stories are very much triggering me, especially as I’m 35 weeks with dd1.

I'm so very sorry. I follow some parenting/birth trauma accounts on instagram and one of them posted recently, very helpfully, to warn people that the report was due and to note that it was very likely to bring up very difficult memories for many. So, you're absolutely not alone! And you certainly shouldn't feel guilty!

I think it must be a really scary time for anyone about to give birth. I had problems with 3 out of four of my births but have to say when my ds1 was born abroad and they were about to try forceps, I started getting tearful and straight away they said they would do a caesarian which was a huge relief. I have 2 friends/ relatives recently who both had horrific forceps deliveries to the point where they are already fearful of having a second child. The baby that was born with horrific head injury after forceps has particularly stuck in my mind.

Also so many babies dying of strep B infection is horrific. I had a phone call from my GP two days after my dd was born asking if she was ok as I had tested positive for strep B during labour. Fortunately she was fine but it's horrific to think those poor babies were not treated in time even when their mums expressed concerns.

Don't feel guilty for struggling. The stories are horrific and sad to read for any of us. If you have experienced birth trauma I would also recommend making sure you are careful to limit your exposure to the stories or make sure you are in an ok place before you read. If it is all too much then definitely access counseling again. These traumas stay with us. Take care

Yes. I was assaulted and abused on the aftercare ward after a tramatic birth where we both almost died. He is 4 now but not a day goes past where I don't think of it. Have horrific birth injuries that have left me disabled and in a wheelchair. Unable to have more children.

Birth trauma and the PTSD from it is awful.

Yup.

Late 1990s x 2. Awful experiences.

Certainly makes me upset and reminds me how I wasn’t listened to and it was that horrible trapped feeling where I was in awful pain, screaming, certain something was wrong no one to advocate for me. I was lucky as it all worked out ok because a new shift came on I repeated my concerns to that midwife and she took action. I feel sick thinking about it so I rarely do.

I haven’t read any coverage intentionally but yes, even from the headlines I am getting flashbacks. I was diagnosed with PTSD formally after a traumatic birth & abusive postnatal care. and love to anyone else effected.

Thanks everyone. DS is 18 now and so healthy and happy. I am very grateful. I am pleased that the midwife who led the report uses the words mother, mummy, mum, families and the babies names when she speaks about them. I had a male midwife who was obsessed with natural birth even thou I had a high risk pregnancy. He was determined not to call the consultant team and my mum had to intervene and literally went berserk - nearly getting arrested in the process to force them to do a C Section. DS was so battered and damaged, floppy, shaking constantly. DD's birth healed me a lot - planned section at 38 weeks and a vigorous little baby with a normally shaped head and all ears attached. These poor families. My heart aches for them. Thanks for your kindess

Not me but my best friend ( lives away, only communicate every few weeks or so) had a horrific birth years ago, huge baby, denied a c section, was very nearly a tragedy. I wondered whether it would help to reach out to her to see if she's been triggered by this. Maybe one of you could tell me whether that would be wise.

Yeah. Two panic attacks yesterday and today and, annoyingly, extreme period like pain.

Was only 18 months ago but I thought I was doing much better with it all... I find it quite hard to not compulsively read it all too, where my husband quite sensibly suggests maybe it would be better if I didn't look.

Yes me. I’m one of the mothers who lost a full term baby and almost my own life (not at the hospital trust on the report).
I had a massive placental abruption and was left an hour on the floor unable to speak or breathe before baby was checked and she was already dead.
I asked for a c-section and was refused.
By the time they realised I was haemorrhaging internally I’d been in the hospital for almost ten hours and even morphine wasn’t helping. I’d lost almost all of my own blood by the time they realised and had gone into DIC.
I needed a c section in the end to save my life.
I can’t believe I ever had another DD - this time they failed to notice abnormalities at 12 week scan. DD is severely disabled.
She had her consultant care at the same hospital- he sexually assaulted me and they refused to believe me.
I truly despise the NHS for its attitude to mothers.

I was so traumatised by the birth of DS1 that I “free birthed” my other DC just to avoid the torture chamber and sadistic HCP at the maternity unit. I wept at the report and I couldn’t finish reading it. DS1 was dragged out with unconsented forceps and episiotomy. He was very bruised and made no sound for ages. I think of those poor mothers and babies and think just how lucky we were.

It's not just you OP. My first Dc was a forceps delivery (against my express wishes) and a 4th degree tear. I have followed the news about this report but not read it - I have put all those feelings in a bolted box and I am not ready to reexamine them.

I had hyperemesis with DC1 - it's an awful thing to go through but the thing that made my experience horrific and traumatic was the way I was treated by some (not all!) healthcare professionals. When my DC1 was 2 years old and KM was admitted to hospital with hyperemesis I sobbed at the news. Sharing my experience in here and with other sufferers in RL has helped but the trauma hasn't really disappeared. So yes your reaction is completely understandable.

to all of you who have suffered these experiences

It’s not just you, I am struggling enormously to read it .

I’ve never given birth but had gynae ‘care’ from age 16 through to 28, was diagnosed with PTSD last year .

One of the ‘doctors’ seriously sexually assaulted me and another physically assaulted me .

There is in gynaecology, maternity and women’s health a culture of bullying and degradation and a refusal to listen to women and girls’ voices . I witnessed outright abuse many times (spent weeks on gynae wards and clinics) . When I told my GP she said it was happening all the time and it was an accepted culture within the department . She said she’d reported it dozens of times .

I worked two floors up in a different speciality and the way that patients were talked to on that ward, it was a world away from how women were treated in gynaecology and maternity .

It’s disgusting .

@Babyroobs

Also so many babies dying of strep B infection is horrific. I had a phone call from my GP two days after my dd was born asking if she was ok as I had tested positive for strep B during labour. Fortunately she was fine but it's horrific to think those poor babies were not treated in time even when their mums expressed concerns.

@babyroobs yes, i posted on one of the other threads on this last night but my baby developed group b strep sepsis at 23hrs old last summer. The hospital were brilliant - got her straight into NICU then SCBU, where she spent 2 weeks recovering and at 9 months, so far as no long term significant implications. It makes me so so angry that so many mum and babies didn't were have the same care as we did and have been failed so badly.

Yes, me. I have a PTSD and anxiety diagnosis following recurrent miscarriages and then some pretty tough times and worries over DS's health and the risk of stillbirth in the third trimester of my pregnancy, with my thankfully healthy and safely delivered DS who arrived last year. There are also some upsetting birth stories in the family, including my stillborn sibling.

I am interested in the topic because I've always supported women's choices when it comes to pregnancy, birth and beyond. I've always felt strongly about advocating for better maternity care. But personally, it's a struggle to read this and it's definitely triggered me in similar ways to what OP describes. It's very difficult to step away from it and a big part of me doesn't actually want to, I feel very conflicted.

to all of you who are struggling xx

Yes. I couldn’t even complain - I was threatened between the lines with my medical files being made public. It’s brought it all back. Yet I’m lucky - still here and we don’t think ds has Ill effects.

I am so deeply sorry for all the women and babies who have been let down by medical malpractice. It's just horrific.